Feeding My Procrastination

Tantai Jin has carried the whole world on his back, it's a miracle it didn't break. In a way, TTJ got his happy ending - death was liberation and deliverance for him - he's been consistently trying to kill himself since the start, perfecting the art of suicide for 500 years and now he finally succeeds.

Tantai Jin might have done some questionable stuff when he was emperor but the world he saved has been so terrible that 99,9% of people deserve to die and go through the celestial punishment more than him. The hero dies and the villains survive.

I'm all for creative license but adapting a story means arriving to the same conclusion while taking different road. If the intention of the author is that Tantai Jin should be rewarded for his suffering with a happy life then it should be respected in the ending of the drama not in some semi-canonical money-grabbing incoherent and incohesive voiceover videos where the production team tries to have their cake and eat it too. There is no way of ever salvaging this mess.

This is why I avoid watching Chinese costume dramas - especially if they are adapted from a novel - the book might have three happy endings but they give you three tragic endings instead, like they don't understand the concept of HE.

RIP Tantai Jin, you are better off dead, the world doesn't deserve you anyway. He has kept giving all of himself until he had nothing left, including his life, and disappeared into nothingness, with a piece of him probably surviving inside the Scale.

Ever since their previous wedding, Tantai Jin has been traumatized and haunted by the word ‘farewell’ coming from Susu, associating it with searing pain and betrayal, so when he hears her utter it again he naturally expects getting stabbed and nailed and her trying to off him one day earlier but definitely not that he would be the one stabbing and nailing her.

Despite everything they’ve been through, he has never thought she would one day share his body with him and allow him to touch her this way so he never asked for it or hoped for it, except for their previous wedding night which taught him not to contemplate it.

Tantai Jin’s wonder, hesitation and disbelief when he realises Susu is initiating, offering herself to him and kissing him passionately, as if she wants him as much as he wants her, and finally his realisation that he is finally allowed to touch her this way.

OMG! Be still my heart! Those fireworks are similar to those Susu made for him 500 years ago but they are not identical; Tantai Jin has drawn them for her using the sketch she taught him but he’s hiding it from her (when he waves his hand his spell doesn’t emit the red colour of the Devil God power but golden glow, just like her sketch)!

Tantai Jin’s most powerful and magical ability isn’t absorbing energy from demons but finding happiness in the smallest things others might consider trivial and turning them into bright rays of light which keep the darkness inside him at bay. The mere thought that Susu once believed him capable of being good and that he didn’t fail her, fulfiled her wish and is, in fact, good, even though she remains oblivious about it, is enough to make him bliss out and giddy, experiencing unadulterated happiness and joy. His proud smile and the question “does it look pretty?”, like he is waiting for her to review his spell, the only way he allows himself to show the truth.

He managed to draw the sketch already 500 years ago but actually kept it a secret from her ever since, probably the only part of himself he has never revealed to her and has been withholding from her, but is secretly showing to her now by creating the spell again even though she doesn’t know it. For Tantai Jin, this is another scrap of happiness he tucks and guards inside the deepest recesses of the heart he gave Susu centuries ago.

While he tries to make her hate him so she could kill him when the time comes, he doesn’t want her to resent him in his “Bo’re life”, this refuge inside his heart where he escapes when his demons and loneliness plague him. 

This is a dream, a fleeting moment of elusive happiness he decides to steal for himself before he sacrifices his life for all living beings in the universe, to give him strength to do what he must and have something to remember when he turns into nothingness. He wants to do something selfish one last time and take something for himself, instead of constantly giving while receiving nothing in return - one final moment in which Susu loves him and belongs only to him, and he only to her. 

And secretly, Tantai Jin wants to leave Susu a piece of himself behind, a proof that he and his love for her were real and existed, no matter how insignificant compared to the cosmic struggle between good and evil, hoping she would remember him once she learns the truth even when no one else would, especially when it was his love for her which ultimately defeated the darkness inside him and transformed him into the man he is today.

He doesn’t fear death but being forgotten by Su because what is oblivion and being forgotten other than second and ultimate death, being abandoned and unloved one final time. 

Tantai Jin’s final wish is for his love to survive him, defeat and overcome death; he desperately craves to live inside her forever, this way he can become immortal too and be with her forever.

I’m screeching here like a madwoman! Tantai Jin shows Susu the life that never was but which he has always secretly yearned for since the moment he met her. And it makes such a heartbreaking sense that she refuses to believe something so simple would be enough for him because she has never understood that the whole time he has loved her he took the scraps she threw his way and treasured them like the most priceless of jewels. One last time, he lays his whole heart bare in front of her; however, she once again rejects him and it’s one of the few times Tantai Jin allows himself to show her all the anger and pain he feels each time she does that to him and doubts his love for her. This is his heart and she tramples all over it.

Until his dying day, he tries to please Susu, secretly hoping she would feel love for him even for a moment regardless how fleeting it might be. He reveals to her something deeply private, his most coveted dream and hope for the future he now can never have because he’s given it all up, any hope for happiness and contentment, so she could have her future, without him.  

Tantai Jin always wanted what he never got - to be loved and accepted by his in-laws, sharing a meal with them and for her to be only his - an ordinary life. He has always wished and longed for so little and even that he could never get.

It guts me how he chooses the robe Susu bought for him and is proudly showing it off - he is literally goading her with that fourth-wall grin of an eager little boy he gives her to look at him wearing it, recognize it, and see how her family loves him - but, of course, she doesn’t even notice because she has never realised how those little mundane things she barely remembers have meant for him. They are his most valued possessions and treasures he’s been hiding and protecting them in the deepest places of his heart for more than 500 years where not even the ancient Devil God could reach and taint, and proofs of the innocence he has never lost and has managed to keep despite all the terrible things that happened to him.

Transforming into the Devil God right in front of Susu’s eyes is the cruellest thing Tantai Jin can do to her, doing the one thing he promised her to never do, but that’s exactly his intention; hurt her so deeply she would come to resent him and abandon him - the complete opposite of what he has been trying to do for the 500 years - because once he’s accepted that becoming the Devil God and giving up on any hope for himself is the only way to save her he redirected all that willpower that never allowed him to give up in those centuries to find her and win her love into his new task - to make her hate him and leave him.

Tantai Jin is so used that everyone misunderstands him and judged him unfairly no matter how much he defends himself that now it’s so incredibly easy for him to embrace the worst people think of him and own up to it, even though the truth is he only fulfilled his Master’s dying wish and killed him to save him from becoming a demon.

His complete defeat and resignation that despite everything he’s been through, all the impossible obstacles he’s overcome and how much he’s changed himself he need to willingly become the very thing he’s sworn to never become.

He knows exactly what he needs to do and become but he still retains his identity, staying the man Li Susu loves beneath all that dark power and black armour.

I adore how he holds up the sword defiantly in front of him, literally declaring an all-out holy one-man war against the original Devil God at which end both of them shall perish.

He can’t escape his fate but he chooses to rise to meet it and face his greatest enemy. In the name of love for Susu.

Of course, Tantai Jin saves her from her daddy not-dearest because he’s made it his life mission to protect her and everything she loves while sacrificing himself and his own wishes and desires because she is the only one he loves.

Susu being happy her lover is alive is such an amazing throwback to their past but what makes this moment so special is that she no longer rejoices because him being alive means he won’t become the Devil God but because she’s genuinely happy he didn’t die. It also explains why she was so hellbent on recklessly risking her own life to kill Di Mian - she must have feared Tantai Jin may have died in the Barren Abyss - ergo she believed all the people she loved died.

It’s ironic that the insanity and craziness didn’t come from Tantai Jin’s part of the family but Susu’s, especially since both she and hear biological dead also kept the devil bone inside them for some time.

Tantai Jin had racked his brain for so long to find out what gift would make his girlfriend happy, but little did he know that killing off her biological dad and avenging her surrogate one with the Devil God’s sword and powers have been on top of her wishlist. If he knew, he might have gone full Devil God a lot sooner.

She even proudly brags to her one true father what an awesome job her lover has done in meting out revenge for him. There has always been a tiny bit of ruthless darkness inside Susu and thus she has been the perfect match made in hell heaven for Tantai Jin from the start.

The God of Multitasking! Tantai Jin out there masterminding and orchestrating his own demise like an omnipotent conductor through assisted suicide while planning his own wedding, even sending the ultimate weapon to kill him via supernatural Fedex to the immortal sects because he knows their last functioning braincell died with his Master. It took him 500 years and time-travelling 10,000 years back in time but he’s finally learnt how to properly off himself once and for all. 

He has clearly decided to give Game of Thrones a run for its money with his own version of the Red Wedding.

Tantai Jin has always terribly overestimated Li Susu’s self-preservation instinct.

Till the End of the Moon episode 39 stills

Tantai Jin’s one last act of epic rebellion against fate and predestination before he seemingly succumbs to them. And the fact that he, the Devil God reborn, decides to go out in a magnificent explosion and blaze of all-consuming brilliant light which reaches even the darkest corners of the Barren Abyss and take every single demon and devil down with him after making sure his lover is safe, reminiscent of Mingye leaving Sang Jiu behind to sacrifice his own in the fight 10,000 years ago ! The Demon Realm has never seen so much light even when the Ancient Gods warred with them. Tantai Jin has been perfecting the art of killing himself and methinks he might have entered the immortal sect to add a new intricate way to off himself.

He knows the whole plan hangs on him becoming the new Devil God so he chooses to take himself completely out of the equation that he even makes the original Devil God fear him with his insane act of defiance as he gives him and his omnipotent bullshit one last “fuck you". Tantai Jin hears both the voices of the Devil God and Mingye who symbolise the eternal battle between good and evil for his soul and Mingye is once again winning.

It’s fitting that despite the fact that his 10,000 years of careful planning might go to waste, the Devil God can’t save his devil fetus because he lacks the ability to save anyone, and it’s Mingye who ultimately protects him.

So I was right and a part of Mingye’s soul has endured for millennia and guided and protected Tantai Jin.

Thought it appears he’s saved Tantai Jin because he needs to die at the right moment, which still obviously hasn’t come. Tantai Jin has transformed from a born destroyer and killer into a protector who chooses to sacrifice his own life in exchange for saving all other life in the universe. Despite being nurtured by the Devil God he has turned himself into Mingye, prepared to go through whatever lengths necessary to protect everyone but himself.

Susu really said “if my man went on a killing spree he would tell me and wouldn’t leave anyone alive.” You’ve got to love the confidence she has in his murderous excellence and his inability to keep secrets from her, especially after he’s shared his deepest, darkest and ugliest secrets with her and bared his heart in front of her.

She has really learned her lesson after being the one who always jumped to conclusions and never have Tantai Jin the benefit of doubt 500 years ago. She knows he is a magnet who attracts miscarriage of justice and judicial error like no one else, a walking glutton for punishment. It means so much that no matter how much people smear him, she never doubts him and refuses to hate him but instead doubts everyone else.

If Tantai Jin is the embodiment of all the universe's sins, Gongye Jiwu is the embodiment of all its idiocy.

Tantai Jin's nail on his little finger is worth more than than all the members of the immortal sects put together. While they are squabbling who's going to kill him, he's trying to protect and save everyone and their sorry asses by sacrificing his own life. He’s got to be a saint.

Demon Lady, just give up, you are trying to get laid with Tantai Jin there, a man who’s been celibate for 500 years because he’s been Sususexual since the moment he laid his eyes on her. He is immune to seduction unless it comes from her. You ain’t getting any from him.

While being bombarded by Tantai Jin’s words, which are basically thousands of love confessions because he’s recounting his whole life - 500 years - and he has lived every single second of it for her; Susu realises how terribly she misjudged him again when she thought he had forgotten her and made babies with someone else to start a neverending dynasty. Instead he’s been celibate the whole time and hasn’t enjoyed a single moment of pleasure in all that time. He is incapable of touching desiring any other woman but her. She is the only one he can feel pleasure with.

What is a woman to do after hearing a proof of such unconditional and undying love which has survived her death, overcome his grief and given him the power to live on; that she hasn’t been some fleeting fling in his successful long life of an emperor and has literally been everything for him, a constant which has been accompanying him with each heartbeat because his heart belongs only to her.

It’s so beautiful and symbolic that Susu ultimately saves him with an explosion of light, basking him in it and chasing the darkness away because that’s how Tantai Jin have seen her from the start - a light of hope in his personal darkness.

I adore the moment she uses the light from her forehead mark to heal him by chasing the darkness away when previously the original Tantai Jin couldn’t stand the sight of her light - it blinded him and made him afraid, but this Tantai Jin feels only peace and contentment.

It’s a form of cultivation not unsimilar to the dual cultivation Mingye used to perform with Sang Jiu to offset her demonic energy with his divine essence. Tantai Jin and Susu mirror their story but in many aspects it’s reversed. Sang Jiu had been Mingye’s little mermaid, with the exception that it was him who lacked a soul and ultimately did fall in love with her, yet she still dissipated into bubbles/nothingness. Now, Susu is the goddess who prioritized her duty to the universe over her love for him while Tantai Jin is part demon and with each heartbeat his heart bears the terrible pain of six spikes, just like the Little Mermaid felt a thousand knives pierce her feet with each step. Seeing this symbolism, it’s hard not to imagine him disappearing into nothingness by the end of the story.

This woman will never learn the Heartless Way, mark my words. She didn’t know how much she loved Tantai Jin until he entered her life again and turned it upside down just in a few hours.

The couple who slays together stays together.

That moment when Susu appears out of nowhere is such an awesome reversed parallel of her first meeting with the Devil God/Tantai Jin, but she doesn’t come to hurt him or stop him but to help him, protect him and fight beside him and just that alone gives him the strength to persevere. 

WTF! Pardon my French but the whole idea that the original Devil God had planned Tantai Jin’s life to the smallest detail literally ruins the story and undermines its message. He entered the immortal sect because he wanted to save Susu and be good and the only reason he wants to be good is because of Susu and how completely she has changed him and his whole life. So that would mean Susu’s time-travel had been planned by the Devil God too. It doesn’t make any sense because when the Devil God/Tantai Jin came to destroy the immortal sects he had clearly never been their disciple and never met its leaders before; what’s more, he had never even been there.

This is a plan that was supposedly created 10,000 years ago so Susu’s time travel couldn’t have any effect on it. 

We’ve seen that the moment Susu threw Tantai Jin her cloak and saved him from freezing to death was when she started to change history. What’s the point of her time travel if it was all part of some 10,000 year-old plan and the Devil God is some omnipotent being who can create fates spanning several timelines? I really didn’t think I might write this one day about Till the End of the Moon but that is truly abysmal writing, undermining the whole story and destroying characters’ development.

Mingye might be dead but some traces of him linger and guide Tantai Jin, mentoring him. It’s this connection to him which allows Tantai Jin to temporarily seal the Bone-refining seal inside the dragon-shaped ring where the God of War used to keep his mighty spear.

While I might have some issues with the execution of some of the doppelgänger part of the story, giving the Devil God and Mingye the same face as Tantai Jin was a brilliant move. They are two adversaries locked in an eternal battle between good and evil and now they resume they fight, this time for Tantai Jin’s soul. Both gods represent two sides of the same coin and while the Devil God tries to convince him he doesn’t have a choice and he is powerless to resist fate, Mingye assures him that he has all the power to decide who he will become. It’s a struggle between the inevitability of fate and free will.

The feels of saying Tantai Jin standing battle-read on Mingye’s platform!

Despite his initial admiration for the Devil God, Tantai Jin has gradually become more and more like Mingye, even adopting some of his temperament. It’s him he wishes to emulate now and who he relates to.