whoever said diamonds are a girl's best friend clearly has never met ibuprofen

Actually literally accurate. The song originates in the 1949 musical Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, while ibuprofen was invented in 1961.

Some of my favorite magic side effects:

-Nosebleeds. Never gets old.

-Coughing up blood. The good ol’ “cough into your hand and pull it back to see blood” also never gets old.

-Headaches. You keep fighting as your head pounds, desperately telling you to take a break. At first they fade within minutes when you stop using magic, but overtime, they become chronic.

-Fatigue. After a big battle, you stand triumphant, and then just fall asleep on the spot.

-In a similar vein, overuse causing you to straight up faint rather than just fall asleep. Darkness begins to overtake your vision in the middle of battle, unconsciousness abruptly looming over you.

-Any of the side effects happening to another person. Maybe two close characters are connected, and whatever side effects character A would normally endure are transferred to character B. When A uses a blast of magic B screams loudly because holy shit that hurt.

-Magic gradually deteriorating your mind. Using it too much eventually caused hallucinations and an inability to retain memories, or even larger scale memory loss. 

Feel free to add more, I’m looking for some to steal

i keep seeing the gif set so here’s the video clip

[source]

LeFou: Oop! Gaston: Everyone knows her father’s a lunatic. He was in here tonight, raving— [EDM plays] Gaston: Whoo! Slow down, Maurice. Maurice: [exclaims]

What gets me is they throw the glowsticks out with him.

rip Achilles you would've loved hightop sneakers

This graphic is fabulous. It represents a tiny crash course in rhetoric. Learn these things. Put them on your wall. Whisper them into the breeze. These are THINGS TO KNOW.

Yeesssssssssss.

Interesting

Bookmark this shit and the next time someone begins gobbling nonsense at you on a social network, instead of engaging, point them to this handy chart. Also useful: Thought Catalog’s “How To Have A Rational Conversation“ flowchart.

This.

i love the brides because there's just no explanation about them at all. who are they? what do they do? what's their relationship with dracula? they live together but he clearly has no power over them since they wouldn't even pretend to be his servants while jon was at the castle. he also feeds them babies. what about with each other? are they sisters? a mom and her daughters? not related at all and just happen to be in the same place? dating? maybe they were just excited to introduce mina to their own polycule. then they died. and nothing more is discovered about them. girlboss behavior methinks.

Well, while we're waiting for Packige (may contain Dracula) here's a thought

Do you think there's a chance Jonathan is feeding her from a cup?

We're getting very little of their activity, but we did get the note that Mina's color is returning, and today (at some point) we're going to hear about Jonathan's ice-cold hands...

When Lucy was bitten, they could just put the blood back in, right, and it was fine, or if Dracula left her alone for a few days she would grow back her own blood. But after the 17th, neither of those things were happening. She continued to waste without being fed on, and the transfusion did her no good. And the difference was that she was by then actively turning into a vampire.

Now Mina was never drunk as low as Lucy, but she is very much actively turning into a vampire. It's possible she may no longer be able to regenerate her own blood. And they believe this is reversible, but only if she doesn't die. It is absolutely imperative that Mina be kept alive long enough for them to murder Dracula.

So if she can't make her own blood and she can't accept transfusions but she starts wasting anyway, there's one more option for replenishing her blood supply. And van Helsing talked about how blood makes the vampire thrive, and Jonathan has seen first hand its restorative effect on Dracula, and they all agree that she must not die before they accomplish their mission and it's worth a shot.

And so he's like, think of it as medicine. Just to get us to our goal. It's no different from what Arthur and the others did for the woman they loved, just a slightly different application of the same principle. But you have to keep up your strength. We don't want to worry the others.

And Mina's color starts to return. And Jonathan's hands are like ice.

we haven’t heard from Seward in so long and the first thing he does is bitch about missing his phonograph. sir. the vampires.

HERE, PLEASE HAVE MY SOUL IN A TEN-PANEL COMIC

There’s a lot I could say about this… it’s the most rushed I have ever made a comic so there’s a lot of it that’s still wonky- crooked panels, rushed storyline, questionable dialogue, wonky references- but like, I fucking NEEDED this, okay, even if it’s only relevant for the next couple of hours before the new episode ruins us again. If anyone needs me, please forward all calls and tips directly to my grave.) 

(Please have a heart and don’t repost. Ultra super duper special thanks always to @malmuses for your help:)

—-

My Patreon

Ok, listen up movie and tv people.

What we need 0 of: sexy Dracula, Mina as Drac’s reincarnated lover, Lucy being blamed for her murder because she’s ‘too sexy’ and ‘she wanted it’, blatant Jonathan erasure, blatant Quincey erasure.

What we need 100 of: the Harker Supernatural Detective Agency.

Starring:

Mina ‘I’ve got a typewriter and now that’s you’re problem’ Harker, following the paper trail of every monster that dares to step into her country.

Jonathan ‘Everyone I’ve ever met is my friend’ Harker, buying beers and chatting with all the witnesses to gather up more clues.

Dr. Jack ‘I’m supposed to be the smart one but I’m weirdly good at break-in’s’ Seward, the one who can do whatever science /technology/ B&E that is needed but loses his glasses when they’re on his head.

Lord Godalming, Arthur ‘The Bankroller’ Holmwood, giving them the funds to travel, send wordy telegrams, and buy sexy new all-black vampire-killing outfits each episode.

Quincey ‘The Muscle’ Morris, here to politely tip his hat at passers by and then pop into an alleyway to curb stomp Jack the Ripper or something.

Lucy ‘Everyone would die for her, how does she always end up in these messes’ Westenra, who is the sweet and beloved friend of everyone in this office but somehow remains blissfully unaware of the supernatural nature despite being targeted by nearly every monster of the week.

Guest Starring Prof/Dr/Esq Van Helsing (his title changes every appearance) who rushes in to lore drop and dunk on Seward, smile lovingly at Lucy, then rushes back off to Amsterdam.

And if it absolutely has to have a reincarnated character, then it’s not Mina; Van Helsing is the reincarnation of Dracula’s ex-spouse who constantly rolls in to ruin his plans whenever he shows up.

And Dracula has a mustache, damn it!

You want to know why Inigo Montoya remains such an iconic and beloved character even 35 years after the Princess Bride came out?

It's because he's one of the few characters in fiction who has a story where he has dedicated his life to revenge, his whole motivation is about getting revenge....and he gets it! and then he isn't empty or despairing! he doesn't regret it! he's totally satisfied!

because so many stories about revenge or rage are about characters "seeing the futility of their actions" or learning "their desire for revenge has only made them the monsters they hated" FUCK THAT.

Inigo Montoya kills the man who kills his father, is allowed to live in the narrative after and be happy about it and it is so satisfying. it's fantastic. it's iconic.

let more characters rage against the world, bring it down with bloodied hands, and let them be FUCKING RIGHT about it. Let them celebrate their success with sharp grins, and let them live happy, full lives where they always remain proud/fulfilled for what they've done

Was so baffled at people claiming there’s only porn on AO3, so did a quick stats search. 

This is how the ratings look at the moment of counting, over the total 9,3M works on the archive (9 380 645 to be exact, atm)

Explicit: 1 551 860 (16,54%)

Mature: 1 409 093 (15,02%)

Teen and up: 2 834 938 (30,22%)

General: 2 651 772 (28,27%)

Not rated: 932 982 (9,95%)

Even combined, Explicit and Mature works barely overtake the total percentage of T-rated ones. That’s the overall stats on AO3, but fandom to fandom the landscape would differ greatly, of course.

The Underage tag, which is used to justify the witch hunts against the archive as a whole, returns only 222 748 works (2,37%).

EDIT: Look at the follow-up to see the ratio of Explicit and Mature works that contain sexual themes.

My toxic trait is that I truly believe I could win a fight against anybody if I was mad enough. U might have the strength and size but I have pure, unfiltered rage.

My brother’s take on tonight’s events

Still can’t believe that this same man had to sit next to someone who could only say “My favorite thing about the movie is that it feels like a movie”…

Mina: Lucy I’m worried about you, so I’m giving you something to help you sleep more deeply, ok?

Lucy: OK Mina [drinks glass of Laudanum]

[Later]

Dracula: Hey this blood tastes differen - whaHA WOO WHEE [starts to hallucinate]

Brawler-Wan, my beloved