presidɛnt obɑma

Barck

i have no idea what this means but my dad is the only valid ally

being a lesbian gets you $3800 off a car payment from my dad

So my mother recently got married (mashallah). And she set up this thing where guests were encouraged to take photos of the proceedings on their phones and text them in to a given number, after which they would be played as a slideshow on a screen at the front of the venue. I want you to take a minute to imagine how this went.

It began just about as you would expect. People taking photos of each other and the décor and taking selfies and having a good time. The slideshow was tasteful. Clearly not “professional,” but nice and personal.

And then people start getting a little drunk. A person who signs their work only as “Moo” posts this masterpiece:

[ID: a vertically oriented photo of a garbage can. A long table draped with lavender fabric at which the bride and groom are seated is in the background. The garbage can is centred in the frame, clearly the focus of the photo. End ID]

Someone at my table notices. “Is that... a photo of a garbage can? What?” We all express confusion and have a chuckle about it. Clearly someone is taking the prompt liberally. But the avant-garde approach to what is worthy of documenting does not end here, and our artist soon enters these submissions into the canon:

[ID: photos of a pendant fire sprinkler, a ceiling vent, a lightswitch, and a door handle. the photos show a casual, non-intensive approach to framing (neither perfectly even nor deliberately askew, &c.) end ID]

Meanwhile someone has uploaded this photo of the groom:

He is sitting at the bride and groom’s table alone with his hands clasped in front of him. I can’t show you his face but he has a bit of stubble and is wearing wire-framed rectangular glasses. I can best describe his vibe to you by saying that he wore this newsie cap to his wedding and this made perfect sense.

Using this photo, someone at our table makes their first few volleys:

[ID: the groom cut out of the photo from before and edited into an empty booth at an empty chain restaurant and an empty movie theatre, respectively. End ID]

At this point, basically everyone except the bride and groom have noticed, and are more or less following the evolution of this guérilla art project. Some people are trying to talk the instigators out of submitting their unworthy photos; others are riling them up.

Moo makes several more of their found object entries:

[ID: a cleaning schedule sign on a bathroom wall; a bathroom sign reading “men”; a digital thermostat; a framed photo of a smiling man, the sign for the men’s bathroom reflected in its glass. end ID]

And it goes back and forth like this for a while, Moo submitting objects (a close-up on the tines of their fork; a mop bucket; a framed fish head) and their nameless collaborator, not be to undone, putting the groom into more situations:

[ID: the groom's head edited onto the body of a cast member in the Broadway musical Newsies, his cap causing him to blend in perfectly; the groom's head edited onto Jamie's head from Mythbusters as he poses next to Adam, his cap causing this edit to be perfectly seamless. end ID]

A further development in the form of these submissions occurs when The Editor invents reappropriation and collage, beginning to edit the groom into photos that other people have uploaded:

[ID: the photo of the groom at the table from earlier, edited so that there are two identical grooms sitting side-by-side: text over their heads reads "Just Married!"; another photo of the groom standing and smiling with a drink in his hand, apparently talking to another groom who is holding his stomach, throwing his head back and laughing aloud. end ID]

Meanwhile, Moo has taken his aesthetic ethos to its only possible logical conclusion:

A photo of a urinal. “Fountain,” Moo, iPhone camera, 2023.

People are now watching the screen even more actively, laughing each time a new silly photo arrives in the stream of genuine submissions. Moo submits a photo of a dented Pringles can seen through a grate in the street outside and a photo of a bag of road-salting ice. The photo of the groom at the table is edited so that he sports a towering Cat-in-the-Hat hat instead of the newsie cap; the groom is edited into an astronaut suit on the moon; he and the bride wearing her fur stole are edited as Jackie O. and JFK in the limo (this last The Editor wisely did not upload but sent only to me).

Not content, however, with editing the groom into non-wedding photos or with sabotaging earnest submissions to the photo album, The Editor proceeds to bring us full circle by reappropriating Moo's recontextualisations, Sherrie Levine-like:

[ID: 1. the photo of the garbage can from earlier, with the groom edited onto the flap that you push garbage through; 2. the groom edited into the photo of the framed photograph from earlier; he has been made greyscale to match the photograph; 3. the photo of the urinal from above, with the groom edited into its bowl. end ID]

The people at Moo’s table (groom’s family) love this last submission ("Urine a Urinal," Anonymous, iPhone camera, 2023). They watch the screen waiting for it to come up again, and when it does, they shout “there it is!” and laugh and clap.

Alas, our destabilisation of what constitutes artistic merit was not allowed to persist. Like the Society of Independent Artists sticking Duchamp’s “Fountain” behind a partition, the bride and groom silently deleted all of the unworthy submissions from the publicly shared album. Luckily, I saw this coming and was able to document the proceedings.

In conclusion, I recommend not crowdsourcing your wedding photos unless you have a very well-developed sense of humour.

Twitter isn't appreciating my anecdotal wit, this is so funny to me

*scrolls past*

*catches the joke, goes up and reblogs*

I love the x-men so much because that's just what leftist infighting is like! that's literally all it is! xavier is a sellout and they all hate him but he's the only one with any money. everyone complains about "they keep switching sides and dating each other it's so fucking confusing" like my dudes have you never been a part of any socialist organisation, ever. then people will go "magneto is so strong how has he not killed a bunch of teenagers" HE DOESN'T WANT TO KILL THEM! this started in a goddam basement over coffee he does not want to hurt them he just wants them to shut up and listen and will fling cars to do so

Yea this is Not funny, warranting terrorist attacks on normal people who don’t wanna play pretend with you is horrible.

you just made it funnier actually

lmaoooo and they tagged it "sex based violence" absolute donghanger

you're goddamn right the sex and violence is based

i think i get why people love tumblr now

Another S1 bts video! :)

Obviously the most important bit of this is that we had an actual actor in the scene with the burning Bentley so were forced to use CGI on the flames, rather than just set it on fire as we would have for David Tennant.

Ineffable Art

Now, good friends, it’s your turn. Share your artistic take on the three pieces of art that have debuted thus far. @neil-gaiman

My contribution, a drawing in a day, the cat omens poster! Hype to do the others soon!!!

Ineffable Art

Now, good friends, it’s your turn. Share your artistic take on the three pieces of art that have debuted thus far. @neil-gaiman

Not from the posters , but here is my Lego homage to the opening credits.

writer's strike is amazing actually go girl get that fucking marvel show UNMADE get that fucking gay pirate show CANCELLED get these chronically online fandom bitches' obsessions on HOLD until the corporations learn to pay you your mf money that you deserve

hate that english makes you say things like "that that" and "do do"

yeah. hate that that's something i do do sometimes

im screaming and crying and throwing up

Whenever I'm writing and I end up in a situation where I have to write "had had," I will rewrite or obliterate the entire sentence to avoid it.

Aristotle, Plato and Socrates walk into a café during the decline of the greek empire.

The barista asks each of them why they think the empire is falling.

Aristotle gives a powerful speech about how the empire has failed to live up to its telos and deconstructs the very nature of what an empire is. The barista is shocked by Aristotle’s intelligence and wisdom. He thanks him for his answer and asks Plato why he thinks the empire is falling.

Plato too gives a powerful explanation, describing concepts that the barista had never even considered. The Barista thanks him, and acknowledges that Plato is truly very wise. He then asks how Socrates would respond to the question.

Socrates had already started drinking his coffee and his mouth is full so he just gestures to Plato. Plato seems to understand his gesture, and he gives yet another explanation for why the empire is falling, this one even better then before. Plato breaks down concepts that define reality itself, going on a long lecture that inescapably leads to one single explanation. The Barista finally understand every single reason behind the decline of the empire. He is awestruck, as Plato has delivered the most profound words he had ever heard. The barista looks at Socrates, and says “Wow, you are truly the wisest of them all.”

some sad endings lead up to happy endings

You begin giving your monologue about what drove you to become evil, only to learn that the hero already learnt all pertinent information by reading your Wikipedia page.

i love you sober friendly spaces i love you restaurants w mocktails on the menu i love you social events not hosted at bars i love you bringing non-alcoholic drinks to parties i love you shamelessly being sober so people know it’s accepted i love you not making fun of ppl who don’t drink i love you still inviting people who don’t drink to social events where ppl are drinking if u know they’re comfortable w it i love you normalizing not drinking

i used to say “puppypuppy” to call the loma babies when they were really small. for outside playtime, for mealtimes, for snuggles, whatever. now when i say it, it activates some feral part of their brain. this works on all of them btw.

thinking about how so many popular cat posts do not include a direct confirmation of catness, just the implications. we are never shown who left the mouse, the golden mouse, and the springs behind the dryer, but we know. miette is never said to be a cat, but it was understood. photos of tiny paw marks on food, in snow. there is a shape of cat-ness that can be sensed without the cat itself. in this regard, and many others, cats are like yuri.