Have You Tried Therapy: A Tumblr Autobiography

Fuuuck we left the back door open last night andthe whole kitchen got out

my bf is back at it with the great pictures of birds

you can't just deploy "hauve" into any sentence it has to be "i think i hauve covid" levels of penis delirious

Ever since I was a little girl, I always knew I would grow up to be the dumb selfish guy hiding a small zombie bite so they would let me into a fortified survivor enclave

A two trick pony has been discovered

please check out my The nefarious anglerfish tribute video i am such a big fan

@maxknightley

Lae'zel's reaction to Mystra telling Gale to blow himself up being "is Mystra stupid? doesn't she know we can kill the Absolute without resorting to tricks?" is such a great example of why she's my favorite character

Gale: Mystra has told me that I must blow myself up to stop the Absolute. She believes it is the only way.

Lae'zel: But... but we're so badass.

Gale:

Lae'zel: Gale. Gale, does she know how badass we are? Gale. Gale, get Mystra on the phone. Let me talk to her. Gale. GALE.

that fish was only 21? they should have been at the glub! recwntly i have dreamed at night of sprouting insectile mandibles from my face and using them to tear people apart

some of yall will be like “i dont care about your dreams, i dont care about your spotify wrapped, i dont want to hear about your interests, dont you dare talk to me about your trauma,” and its like. what do you even have friends for. bc it sounds to me like you dont give a shit about anything that makes them a person. what do you talk about.

“why do you hate taylor swift” im a kandi artist and all the craft stores in my area are sold out of pony beads because of the eras tour

thank you penis sexer

THE PENIS SEXER

Criminal: "Nice try, you won't get me with Bad Cop / Tree Cop."

Cop 1: "Where's the body you scumbag!? I swear I'll cut you."

Cop 2: "Oughhh my branches are so full of apples."

guinea pig instagram accounts are so funny cause the captions will be like "uh oh! pumpkiwumpkin is being extra sassy today!" and the picture is literally just

I got inspired

friend said "im on some kinda wave tonight" and sent this screenshot that is obliterating my attention span

Sometimes I see posts like this and I am filled with a deep sense of gratitude and joy that it's not my job to figure anything out about it at all

Media with no fandom =/= obscure media. 12 Angry Men is a famous movie but do you think that you can look it up on tumblr and find people shipping the nameless jurors? Well you can

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23/26

Media with no fandom =/= obscure media. 12 Angry Men is a famous movie but do you think that you can look it up on tumblr and find people shipping the nameless jurors? Well you can

2 amongus (ඞඞ!) detected in your post!

good lird

GET HIS ASS LATIMERIA !!!! COELACANTH SWEEP LETS FUCKING GO DUDES

I need to tell you about pot bear

i had a dream about a bear video game. it was a long story of bears. in the third act of the game, there was a polar bear you encounter that’s under attack by a giant grizzly. if you are unable to save the polar bear, he does not join your party. instead, the cutest little brown bear you can imagine appears to assist your escape. and his name was Pot Bear. you know this because above his beady little eyes there was an arc of black uppercase text that said IM POT BEAR. And Everyone knew him

the text was always on his head except for his final appearance in the game. youtube videos analyzing his final scene found that before he dies he does do bear sign language, involving a hug, signing the words "IM POT BEAR". indicating that the words on his head were subtitles for his final line