I have a zombie gnome on little stump by my front porch.
Today, I saw some kid walking to the bus stop, turn and come up my walkway.
Gently, he knelt down beside my gnome, reached into his pocket, and pulled out a smaller gnome with a rainbow hat. He carefully placed the little guy on the stump, then turned and went to the bus.
I went out to take a look and it looks like the little guy was hand painted to match the zombies facial expression.
I think I'm going to treasure this for the rest of my life. Yeah, there's good in the world. And the kids are alright.
my mom is always like “oh you’re so female brained ana. not like me. i’m male brained”.
my mom is always petting my girlfriend and saying she’s “like a kitten or a small deer” and talking about how cute and wonderful she is
my mom told me that if she grew up in my generation she’d be a trans man
my mom showed me clanaad when i was like 11
my mom cosplayed dr stein from soul eater at comicon. the next year she cosplayed medusa from soul eater
my mom is really autistic and is completely incapable of lying or hiding her true feelings
my mom worked on the human genome project
the plague of people watching things and taking video calls without headphones in public…..imagine if someone four years ago took a call on speaker in a small coffee shop. i know everyone complains about this, but i still haven’t gotten over it
girlboss? no. girlworkers. girlunion. we have nothing to lose but our girlchains.
can we keep some of the girlchains for sex stuff
After shoving Hansel in the oven, the witch turns to Gretel - who is currently fending the witch off with a gingerbread chair - and says:
“I can’t believe you thought a trail of breadcrumbs would save you. I mean, honestly, this is a forest! It’s full of animals. Honestly, the very idea that a dumb shit like you thought you could get the better of me is absurd.”
Gretel hits her in the face with said chair. To be fair to the witch, she takes the chairshot like a champ.
“Ow!”
“Did you know,” says Gretel, “that crows are capable of facial recognition?”
“Eh?” Says the witch, clambering to her feet and pulling a candy cane sledgehammer off the wall. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Not only that,” Gretel continues, “but they can remember both friends and enemies. And they’ll often follow people they remember as friends.”
The two fence with their sugared weapons for a moment, before the witch knocks the chair out of Gretel’s hands.
“Enough with the bird facts! Honestly, this whole attempted escape has been utter clownshoes. Get in the fucking oven!”
She seizes Gretel by the collar. Gretel immediately sandbags, letting her whole body go limp. This eminently practical defense forces the witch to try and deadlift her. Which is hard, as the witch often skips leg day.
“For example,” Gretel says, as the witch struggles and grunts, “if you feed crows a lot of breadcrumbs, they’ll probably start to see you as a friend and follow you in the hope of more food.”
The witch stops. Outside, she hears the thunder of wings.
“They’ll even bring you shiny things they find as presents!” Says Gretel, as a corner of the gingerbread ceiling is suddenly cut away by a large crow with a knife in its mouth.
“Oh shitballs.” Says the witch, as the crows descend. “I hope you know this is a great unkindness.”
“Technically,” Says Gretel, “It’s a murder.”
Never getting over this
Consistent observation about guys who say "I just don't understand women": they don't understand men either.
Like, a common response to these guys is to say "women are just people, to understand them just treat them like people". But I think that often fails, because many of these guys just don't really understand anyone else's behavior. They talk about other men with just as much bafflement as they talk about women, it's just that they don't attribute this bafflement to the person's gender when talking about men.
So they're basically just confused, and they think they're confused by women specifically (because of misogyny), but they're actually confused by everyone.
