Sometimes I feel as if I get in people's nerves I never say much of anything but yet I still feel that I'm always in the way...Maybe it's because for the first time in forever I know what it's like to have a family even if it is his....I still like the feeling of maybe just maybe I will belong here but I'm so scared because of past experiences I don't wanna lose him he's my light my best friend and my world love is an amazing thing but finding your other half is a blessing and I will never understand why I got so lucky but I'm glad I did because he's perfect for me and I'm happy and it feels like there is so much weight off of my shoulder for the first time in forever

It's healed now and I'm so ready to get it finished

I miss my Papa so much...On days that I struggle I wish I could just call him and ask him what to do...I miss our silly talks about any and everything...But most of all I miss the little things like when he gave me the biggest hugs or when we would go hunting together and talk all day and laugh....This is our first Christmas without him and I don't even want to do anything it doesn't feel like Christmas it feels like empty days that all eventually run together because there is such a huge hole in my heart....It's fucked up I wish he was still here to watch my little brother grow up as he did me and teach him everything as he did for me....It's been a shit year I've lost so many loved ones and I miss them all but most of all I just miss my Papa and being able to give him a hug or talk to him whenever I want to...It hurts more than anything