just things i’ll never finish

What if you’re just stuck. Not learning. Not making any mistakes. Just stuck. Stuck in a particular headspace. Stuck in a particular time. Unable to move, trapped with those memories. Unable to make new ones because pain is all you got room for. What then, how do you continue living like that and for how long?

i just want to restart my life.

how do u forgive yourself for letting it get this far... for the lives that you’ve ruined... the person you’ve become?

the crushing guilt of being unproductive vs the exhaustion of being burned out. fight.

body goal

I’m very behind on updating my Tumblr…

life is a walk in the park and im being left behind because my shoelace came untied

Quite possibly the single most useful advice on emotions I’ve ever heard:

An argument is almost never about what the argument is about.

What you’re upset about is almost never what you’re actually upset about.

Which sounds like gibberish, I know, but bear with me. 

Say the issue is dishes.

Dishes, by themselves, aren’t worth yelling about. But they can be one more chore that I’m not up to doing, and that can make me feel stupid and useless– or maybe someone else said they’d do them and then didn’t get around to it, and it feels like the latest in a long line of disappointments from that person. The dishes aren’t the problem at all, they just happened to touch a nerve that was already raw.

And that rawness– that exposed nerve– that’s valid. That’s the real problem that needs to be dealt with. And all too often, that underlying cause is completely invisible to the people around us.

So of course, if you lash out at someone over a thing that rubbed a raw nerve, then they’re naturally going to assume that you’re upset about the surface thing, not the underlying cause. And often, when they try to puzzle it out they’ll project things that they’re upset about onto the situation, and then you have two people who are arguing about two completely different things and wondering why the other person is being so erratic. 

I’m trying to get better about this sort of thing.

When something sets me off, I’m trying to step back and figure out exactly what about the situation is making me so upset, which nerve got hit, and then act accordingly. 

Sometimes the right thing to do is to tell the other person about that underlying hurt, so they can better work with you on not hitting that nerve. Sometimes you realize that you took something personally that had nothing to do with you. Sometimes that hurt is a warning sign of a larger problem, and an indication that you need to get out of the situation altogether. 

But the first step has to be identifying the actual problem. 

my heart: *suddenly beats extremely irregularly and heavy in my chest for several seconds for no reason*

me:

I'M DELETING THIS BLOG

I’ve decided to delete this blog, because I’ve realised I don’t need to look at anorexic girls every day. That won’t help me. Actually, I’m losing this weight healthy. I eat around 1300 kcal every day. I’m never really hungry, I just eat healthy! In 10 days, I’ve lost 4 pounds in this way. It’s fine with me. I don’t need to stop eating or throw up. I can do this healthy if I just count calories using the Shape Up app. It’s working for me!