Me: a poor New Driver just trying to switch lanes

The asshole behind me that has decided I am Not Valid and must be stopped:

@ people reblogging this with “i’m the asshole”

me: a man behind me almost caused an accident, he is an asshole, do not drive like him yall: lol! relatable!!! me! im the asshole!! ive put people in danger before!!! relatable!!!!!

sometimes, twitter is Good

friendly aggressive reminder that the “mmm whatcha say” chorus was written by imogen heap for a song of her own that came out in 2005, and jason derulo both named his own song after the chorus he sampled from her and improperly credited her in 2009.

mmm whatcha say was written by a female artist and taken by jason derulo and now he gets credit for it. pls reblog bc not enough people know this. the original song is called hide and seek

it is also a singularly beautiful song, head’s up

Worth mentioning, “Hide and Seek” is an abstract story of a girl reflecting on her parent’s divorce and how it changed her life, while “Whatcha Say” is about a guy who cheated on his girlfriend and is trying to convince her to stay with him anyway.

This is such a stupid joke but damnit it made me laugh

Dis me

I work in airport security, and we use walk-through metal detectors. Last summer there was this big huge metal music fest in town, and in the days that followed there were loads of metalheads passing through my terminal.

Now our metal detectors sometimes go beep even though they don’t detect any metal, because random searches are a thing (and at least here they really ARE random). So this group of metalheads are passing through, and the detector beeps at one of them and tells me it’s a random selection.

So I search the guy, and one of his fellow metalheads ask what the detector beeped at him for. And I usually don’t think of fun things to say until five hours later, but this time -

“He’s more metal than you.”

kids, when you’re choosing your college schedule, you’ll hear a voice saying “just take the 8AM class. it won’t be that bad. you’ve done it for this long” that’s the devil talking

and if you don’t have a choice, shove as many classes as possible into the days with 8ams. if you can’t beat them at least you can make sure you have 3 days off like I did lmao

My parents have been married for 19 years and together for 20 and I asked them what they were doing for valentines and they both looked so disgusted and said it was commercial and they hated it and then my dad said to me that every year he sends her flowers her favourite chocolates and a card pretending to be a secret admirer because although they think it’s a stupid holiday he wants her to have chocolate and then I went to my mum and asked about her secret admirer and she said it was a running joke between them cause my dad spends the day saying he’s gonna beat up her secret admirer and they both know it’s him but it’s been going for twenty years and my mum keeps the cards and if that isn’t love idk what is

why do babies need twice as much sleep as us like they literally do nothing all day shouldn’t it be the other way around fuck babies

They be spending all that energy growing. Tired little buddies doing the hardest work of becoming tired big buddies and eventually adults.

This is why your awesome cause yoi say crap like “tired little buddies” @tradbagel

My sister pointed out that Steven Universe “Giant Woman” is in the same tune as “What’s New Scooby-Doo” and I don’t know what to do with this information

Catholic culture is blaming any minor inconvenience on The Fall

*vending machine won’t take my dollar*

me: this wouldn’t have happened in eden

me walking into the grocery store to buy everything bagels

Hohoho! I like this post! If I made it i would have written ginger ale instead of everything bagels but that’s fine that you wanted to make a post about bagels instead of ginger ale this time around I get it

me going back to the grocery store because i forgot ginger ale

Hohoho! What a great post friend! I love the part about ginger ale!!!

hmmm

Is that…..

y’all gotta stop outing imortals like this

AoS // Descendents AU

But why does this still sound fresher than anything ever playing on the radio??? Like every little drum beat is better than ed sheerans entire career

Gilmore Girls reference #300

Season 1 Episode 12: Double Date

Fugazi is a punk rock band that was active from 1987-2003.

Things straight people like (as learned from HGTV)

I’ve been laughing at this stupid fucking video for 30 minutes

Yall sont understand this is the funniest thing ive experienced in weeks

Get you a girl who can do both

They are in the father/son zone and it’s embarrassing that they still deny it. 

This is the Lucky Ace. Reblog to recieve a wad of cash that is oddly specific to your current needs.

I reblogged this shit two days ago y’all… what kinda sorcery is this. Oddly specific too …. I’ll take it tho 🤯

I think I did it wrong

You made me lol ^_^

I’m reblogging cause I had a great boon, so charging this post with more power!