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Fork?! Me Can't Eat Soup!!! WAAAAAAAAAUGGGGGHHHH

@doctorbluesmanreturns / doctorbluesmanreturns.tumblr.com

Writer, musician, artist, fan of classic animation, classic lit, and many other things; dating the amazing @wisegirlandseaweedbrainforever for over six years now!
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etirabys

oh my goodness, one of dian fossey’s first close up observations with gorillas happened when she was trying to climb a tree to see them better, but so badly that by the time she’d gotten up the entire group had come out of hiding to look at her: “Nearly all members of the group had totally exposed themselves, forgetting about hiding coyly behind foliage screens because it was obvious to them that the observer had been distracted by tree-climbing problems, an activity they could understand.”

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argumate

hello, fellow apes

The lead up to that sentence is gold:

[Image transcript: porch. The group had been day-nesting and sunbathing when I contacted them, but upon my approach they nervously retreated to obscure themselves behind thick foliage. Frustrated but determined to see them better, I decided to climb a tree, not one of my better talents. The tree was particularly slithery and, try as I might, no amount of puffing, pulling, gripping, or clawing succeeded in getting me more than a few feet aboveground. Disgustedly, I was about to give up when Sanwekwe came to my aid by giving one mighty boost to my protruding rump; tears were running from his eyes as he was convulsed in silent laughter. I felt as inept as a baby taking its first step. Finally able to grab on to a conveniently placed branch, I hauled myself up into a respectful semislouch position in the tree about twenty feet from the ground. By this time I naturally assumed that the combined noises of panting, cursing, and branch-breaking made during the initial climbing attempts must have frightened the group on to the next mountain. I was amazed to look around and find that the entire group had returned and were sitting like front row spectators at a sideshow. All that was needed to make the image complete were a few gorilla-sized bags of popcorn and some cotton candy! This was the first live audience I had ever had in my life and certainly the least expected.]

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roach-works

imagine some freakish not-a-human alien THING has shown up out of nowhere and is trying to get into your office building to study you. but it has no idea how to get past a revolving door. it tries for three hours. by the time it finally understands the concept of a revolving door and squeeze into the building everyone in the office is crowded into the lobby to watch and call helpful suggestions. it’s conclusively determined that the alien is definitely not a threat, except maybe to itself.

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theboost

Obsessed with Han and Obi Wans dynamic in anh they are so utterly unimpressed with each other at all times. Han wants nothing less than to jump this old man who keeps dragging him into progressively worse and worse situation like some imperial comedy of errors and Obi Wan, who has fought in wars and seen shit beyond Hans comprehension, is deadpan like “wow you fly fast? On your piece of shit ship? That’s sooo cool”. They had to kill off obi wan because if they hadn’t han and obi wan would’ve killed each other in some spectacularly dramatic fashion and the empire would’ve won

Han never learned Obi Wans name and Obi Wan made the conscious decision to forget Hans

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zoethebitch

This is it

Obi-wan getting war flashbacks. Nope. Can’t do this again. Gonna go have a geriatric rematch with my apprentice and die to avoid dealing with another Hondo.

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"Please tell me if I reblogged something problematic/ antisemitic" my guy, you got blood libel on your blog going on for PAGES, you need to delete half of your blog to fix that

my absolute favorite was a dude who tried using the old "I'm only being accused of being a Nazi because the Left just uses that word for anyone they disagree with so it's a meaningless term now!" argument and then the top post on his blog started "the Jew is an inferior race...."

like my guy, you may not call yourself one, but you're a Nazi if you're peddling that kind of absolute garbage.

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damazcuz

WAIT!

Before you hit send on that ask, reblog, or reply, remember to stop and PROOFREAD!

  • am I Pissing on the Poor?
  • did I Read the post in bad faith?
  • could I be Overexaggerating?
  • am I Out of line for saying this?
  • is it kind of Fucked up to say that to a total stranger?
  • is what I said Rude?
  • am I being Egotistical?
  • am I Angry at words that weren't in the post?
  • did I Dream up a pretend person to get mad at?

ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT YOURSELF FROM LOOKING LIKE A JACKASS ONLINE!

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I think I can trace my intense hatred for the whole "regulations are just corporate bullshit, building codes are just The Man's way of keeping you down, we should return to pre-industrial barter and trade systems" nonsense back to when I first started doing electrical work at one of the largest hospitals in the country.

I have had to learn so much about all the special conditions in the National Electric Code for healthcare systems. All the systems that keep hospitals running, all the redundancies and backups that make sure one disaster or outage won't take out the hospital's life support, all the rules about different spaces within the hospital and the different standards that apply to each of them. And a lot of it is ridiculously over-engineered and overly redundant, but all of it is in the service of saving even one life from being lost to some wacky series of coincidences that could have been prevented with that redundancy.

I've done significantly less work in food production plants and the like, but I know they have similar standards to make sure the plants aren't going to explode or to make sure a careless maintenance tech isn't accidentally dropping screws into jars of baby food or whatever. And research labs have them to make sure some idiot doesn't leave a wrench inside a transformer and wreck a multi-million dollar machine when they try to switch it on.

Living in the self-sufficient commune is all fun and games until someone needs a kidney transplant and suddenly wants a clean, reliable hospital with doctors that are subject to some kind of overseeing body, is my point.

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sol1056

from what I know of just the general history of building codes and osha rules, I would not be the least surprised if every single one of those healthcare codes exist not just to prevent someone from dying, but because pre-code, someone did.

osha rules, building codes, food production rules are all written in blood

two words: radium. girls.

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another inherently funny part of star trek is the very first show establishes a magic machine that sparklezaps them out of uncomfortable situations so for the next 56 years writers have to keep coming up with reasons why it won't work this time

you're all hired to the Star Trek writers' room

@song-spero @theatomicpsychotic @theskyismadeofpenguins please know that you're all much funnier than me and I love you

This is the same problem that Russell T Davies once referred to as "oh, why don't they just go back to the TARDIS????" that has plagued Doctor Who writers for 60+ years