You are the slain victim of whomever you love, So choose wisely who your lover is.
-Ibn Al-Farid
Religious' aspect aside, the idea of waiting to be married before having intimate relations is rather healthy. I mean, it makes both partners build their relationship on friendship and non-physical intimacy instead of focusing on lust/passion.
Some of the recurring arguments when people divorce are like "we don't know each other any longer" "we have nothing to talk about" "the passion isn't here anymore" "the bed gets cold". Of course if you start a relationship based on your lust for your partner, the fire will lessen.
Favour the mind,not the body. Learn to trust your partner before deciding to offer them the most precious parts of yourself
pinkvoidmuse-deactivated2023021
I sound religious because all the advice I’d give to my daughter sound Christian. Honestly finding someone who you know outside of sex and who values you is the best option. So many young women have an idea of a role to play. they get fed this fantasy and they latch on to the first guy. They get told sex isn’t sacred and you’re a prude for believing it. So they self harm. Having constant sex with someone who has no intentions in staying long term. Putting herself at risk. I would also advise her against cohabiting. They should both have their own places. They can stay with each other however long but they both have a place they can return to. Absolutely NO sharing finances until marriage. And even after marriage she should always have her own separate savings that has nothing to do with the house. Foster before having kids. See how your partner cares for a puppy. Volunteer with sick animals. Make sure you spend time with your partner’s family. It will tell you a lot. I will make sure she details her desires and thinks about where they come from. No settling. No settling. A big mistake girls make is thinking he will change. Is ignoring something massive because of a few good things. Is your pet peeve an actual pet peeve? Like you think it’s gross to put ketchup on pasta? Or is your pet peeve a red flag? he storms out whenever you’re expressing hurt feelings? He claims he’s joking whenever you tell him to stop doing something you’ve asked over and over again to stop. He is laughing as he is violating your boundaries. I will make sure she works on herself and admit when the problem is her. To be able to compromise on little things. To see when she’s making herself angry. To help her realize when she is ignoring an issue. I will ALWAYS have my home open. No matter what my child will never feel like she can’t come home any second.
pink-pill-stacy
I don't get ppl complaining about how "plebbit always jumps straight to divorce!!!"
Have you seen the marriages of middle-aged heterosexual couples? I have. And trust me most women ARE better off getting a divorce.
"But it's such a small thing, you can't throw all those years away!"
Yeah, "such a small thing" like leaving dirty socks all over the house that she has to collect. For years. That isn't small, that's just a symptom of his absolute disrespect for her. What's not clicking?
"Such a small thing" like never being home and always out with your buds at 51 while she never has any time to herself. "Such a small thing" like having her walk on eggshells, just waiting for your next histrionic temper tantrum where you scream at her until she is in tears. "Such a small thing" like never cleaning a single thing. So small. So tiny. So unworthy of divorce. Sure.
It's a simple decision-making flow chart.
Is there a problem? [Yes.]
Can you unilaterally solve the problem? [If someone else's behavior is the problem, the answer is no.]
Have you done everything in your power to solve the problem, such as communicating? [Yes.]
Is the problem persisting? [Yes.]
Are you willing to spend the rest of your life like this? [If the answer is no...]
Divorce.
Love is something we build with intention not just feel without thought
if I was looking for a male partner, the main criteria I would look for is if I can imagine leaving my/our child with him for a full week, no pre-planning and no advice given from my end. And not worry a tiny bit.
I don’t want mindless adoration—I desire tranquil, deep-rooted, unspeakable intimacy.
but it really is so important to find people who don’t lose patience with you or get angry if you’re being irrational or insecure or downright ridiculous, it is so so necessary to be treated with gentleness from loved ones and not to be made to feel like you’re irritating or a burden
leopardheart-deactivated2023022
this is one of my favourite poems ever. it’s so sad yet hopeful. so strong yet short. it’s dusk… your daughter’s tall… it’s dusk! your daughter’s tall!
ever since lauryn hill said “respect is just the minimum” i’ve carried it around with me everywhere. respect really is the minimum