Heart for Ghost / Heart for Set
Okay. So.
deep breath
Fuck it.
I’m just going to do this.
I fell in love with you before I knew a single thing about you. But actually I knew everything. Because there is so much of you in your writing.
I had this visceral reaction of I need this person in my life.
When you wrote Temptress and Megamind thinks of his feelings as a mind crush I was like !!! Yes, ahahaha, yeah, that’s what it is! A mind-crush. Because that made actual sense but, well, love isn’t about sense, is it?
You don’t even know what Set looks like, I told myself, very carefully not looking through your blog to find out.
Then you posted those PICTURES OF YOU IN THAT BINDER AND
fuuuuuCCCCKKKK
HELPHELPHELP
I learned what the phrase devastatingly gorgeous means. Devastation for the people who looked at you and knew they could never have you. I got very, very drunk and sent you an anonymous message asking How are you still single??
And it hurt, like a fishhook caught under my ribcage, pulling and
You would talk about how badly you were doing and I would think, Oh, Set; wait for me, just wait for me
But I knew there was no way I’d be able to claw my way out of the mess of myself and my life to be in a position of rescuing you before someone else would get there.
And then you rescued me
(( just gonna take a side note here and say THANK GOD FOR MEGA CAMP ))
And I still think that, you know? About being a mess and how, one day, I will stop being a mess and finally be able to offer you the best of me but
You keep saying that I’m enough the way I am and
I am always, always going to want need to give you more because you deserve the Universe itself you are a miracle, you brilliant beautiful boy, and I would
I’ve planned so many different ways to say this and none of them seem like enough because I tell you all of it, everyday, I tell you how wonderful you are and how much I love you, that I worship the ground you walk on (I do) and that you are the most amazing creature that has ever walked the face of the earth. You’re the eighth wonder of the world, you are, there’s never been anyone even a fraction as incredible as you. I can’t believe how incredibly fucking lucky I am? I MEAN IT when I say that taking care of you is the greatest privilege of my life and
I keep thinking I can build this *perfect moment* because you deserve Perfect, you deserve so much more than that
You deserve as much love as you give and ohhhh it’s a lot, you love everyone and everything and your softness, your heart, is so big you could fold the whole world into and you try to, babyluv, you give it all and you never ask for anything back even when people hurt you and
how can you not see how Good you are? How brightly your light shines?
You said that when you read my letters to you, you thought Oh, the Universe is using all the romance on this. That all you would have from me was friendship, that the greatest romance of your life was–me.
I was going to do this on our vacation.
Today.
My re-birthday.
In Florida.
On vacation.
Well, we cancelled that because of the Plague
even if we hadn’t there’s a HURRICANE; and isn’t THAT just the story of our lives?
That’s what you’ve taught me.
That I don’t have to try to make things some kind of ideal, some unreachable Perfect. That even in my mess, you love me, you want me.
So here we go.
Shayanna.
Will you marry me?
