real talk: the reason geralt takes so long to invite jaskier to kaer morhen? he doesn’t want a witness to the stupid shit he and his brothers get up to
namely, the Witcher Winter Olympics
each winter, all good little witchers flock home to rest, relax, catch up, yadda yadda
but holed up in one place for months, when they’re used to traveling wherever the Path takes them?
it happens easily and very quickly
and then they get stupid creative
and thus the Winter Games
each day, someone will propose a challenge or competition to be completed or won. anything is fair game, as long as it can be vaguely shoehorned into one of these categories: strength, endurance, agility/dexterity, mental acuity, and why not?
some past examples of events include:
strength - greased up arm wrestling; chicken fights; can i knock you out with one pillow hit; who can resist trying to pet this cute cat we found the longest (this one’s more emotional strength but it counts); horse deadlifting; how many boulders is too many boulders; how many tears can we put in this shirt by flexing hard enough; toss a witcher
endurance - who can slav squat the longest; playing strip gwent, outside, in the snow, in the middle of the coldest night of winter; who can eat the most spicy peppers; obligatory drinking contests; who can hang upside down like a bat the longest; most days staying awake; stop hitting yourself
agility/dexterity - steal stuff off of/put stuff on vesemir without him noticing; drunken obstacle course; who can fold laundry the fastest and neatest (a vesemir suggestion); who can sneak up and startle the bejeezus out of the others the most in a day; drunk hide and seek; the most delicate needlepoint; fastest potato peeler; the floor is lava
mental acuity - limerick writing contest; who can craft the pun that induces the most rage; arts and crafts; psychological warfare; stupid debate club; name 5 things you like about yourself (another vesemir suggestion); jeopardy game night (topics include: which witcher?, potion making for dummies, did you even read the bestiary?, swords and scab”bards”, pop culture, etc); chopped-style cooking competition; best prank
why not? - truth or dare; diving competition in a lake of drowners; most creative bong; who can stay on this wyvern we stumbled across the longest; crazy hairstyle competition; can only speak in questions the entire day; which things mixed together will make the biggest explosion; how many of these weird berries can we eat before we die; shadow puppet theatre; trust falls at the most inopportune times; weirdest hookup story
yes, there are opening/closing ceremonies
yes, medals are awarded at the end of the season
yes, vesemir is the judge and only he knows the complicated points algorithm
(yes, he actually just gives out random points, which can be influenced by how much you have annoyed/bribed him that day)
