ha ha, when you disappear from tumblr for months and then suddenly show back up. no real reason i had a hiatus. i just didn't feel like being on the site for a while. i've realized there's not much here for me on this platform as i grow older, out of my anime obsession and my teenage years. i'm more focused on my hobbies and work instead of blogging about my life and the Theoi. really, i'm not religious these days, nor do i really do any spells or rituals. i do wonder if i'll get back into my craft when i eventually move into my own apartment, where i have that privacy to do whatever i want. but that's still far down the line. money is idiotic and such an issue for me, especially with my hours being cut down despite us being ten times busier. it's a lot.

so this blog may have no more personal posts, and instead be a catch-all for witchblr reblogs whenever i decide to come and spend time on here. i'm just not a big social media person. i have a twitter and never tweet anything myself. i have facebook and only post about my plants. like, i feel uncomfortable with social media, even though i know i'm nobody special and don't have to worry about being "cancelled" or anything. i just like doing things for myself. i know it's not healthy for me to have no social life and my only friend is a penpal -If you're reading this, I'm sending you a letter today!- but I don't know how to have adult friendships. I mean, I understand they require lots of work, but that just feels like too much for me. when I exchange numbers with someone and tell them they can text me anytime, they never do. so i feel clingy if i message first and it's just really uncomfortable. object permanence is a major issue with people as someone with adhd. if i don't see you a lot, then i often forget about you. it's a thing!

anyway, i never meant for this blog to gain major popularity or make me "tumblr famous" or whatever, but thank you for all of you who followed me and felt comforted by the posts I made. i wish you all the best. merry meet and merry part.

am i going to bust out my handheld camera to take pics of my plants 'cause my phone camera is crap?

yes

Ghost? Or hallucination?

So we all know I suffer from psychosis. I'm one step down from having full-blown schizophrenia and may go on to develop it in the future. Anyway, for a very long time, I've been both fascinated and frightened by the paranormal. I used to watch any and every paranormal scary movie I could get my hands on, even horror anime. Then, when I was thirteen, my friends and I had a sleepover and decided to make a homemade ouija board and play around with it. One of my friends suddenly became "possessed" by the spirit of another teenage girl who supposedly died in my room and was buried underneath it.

It was all fun and games. You know, young, naive teenagers doing spooky things because that's what girls DO. To this day, I'm not sure if my friend was really possessed or just fucking around for attention. Another of my friends acted like she was possessed by the same girl, but was a lot more sinister about it, threatening me with scissors to the point I called my mom to take my home.

Now, they both could've been messing with me. Everybody knew I was the most naive and emotionally vulnerable of our friend group. So it would make sense that they would play around being possessed in a way to mess with me. But there's always the possibility that it was all real, and that whatever really did possess them was definitely not a teenage girl who was buried under my bedroom. My friends were never quite the same after that, and we quickly stopped being friends.

I'm very certain I've had ghostly encounters before. I used to volunteer as a scare actor in a haunted house that was run out of a gigantic old factory that was notoriously haunted. One day, while walking past the clown room -in broad daylight as we built the place during the day- the swing in that room was just swinging. Nice and slow. There was no breeze able to get into that room, nor was there anyone who was in the room or in any of the adjacent rooms. The swing was just moving. I had a lot of moments where I just felt like I was being watched while in the maze or cleaning up areas outside of it. But the one REAL experience I had was when I was walking down a hallway that was lined with tarp. I was walking fast to get out of the maze so I could retrieve something from the green room, and right by my head, something punched through the tarp on the other side. I called out, but no one answered. It was RIGHT at my head. It was aiming for my HEAD. More than being scared, I was PISSED. I'd done nothing to those spirits and I did my best to respect them and they ATTACKED me!

I've had other experiences, of sensing presences and hearing footsteps up and down hallways, but I haven't had an experience that eventful since I was a teenager. I went to Salem, Massachusetts several years ago, a place I've always wanted to visit, and I don't know if I felt overwhelmed by how many tourists there were, or if I was sensing other presences. I walked around the old graveyard, I walked the Witch Trials memorial. I didn't go inside the Witch House, but I'm very certain I would have been extremely paranoid.

Last night, I binged a bunch of "ghosts caught on camera" compilations. And I started sensing something behind me. But, the difference between myself as a teenager and myself today is that I know I suffer from paranoid psychosis, and I know that my antipsychotics help me. I did NOT take my antipsychotic yesterday, and then I binged scary videos. It's most likely that I was just "sensing" things due to my paranoia. It's also likely that someone was in the room with me and I just sensed them. My house is not haunted. I've lived in this house off and on my entire life and have never really had an experience. I know that, sometimes, spirits can just drift in and out of places, or get attracted to certain people. I wouldn't be surprised if I draw in spirits. I've been told I have a very light, warm aura. Sometimes, I think that means I attract living people with serious emotional baggage who feed off my kindness like a vampire. It wouldn't surprise me if I attract spirits seeking light and warmth as well.

Or, is it all just my psychosis? Is it all just my paranoia? Is it delusional of me to think I attract spirits? Besides that punch towards my face, I haven't been attacked. But I always worry that, one day, something will try again. I got a protective rune tattooed behind my ear in the hopes of protecting myself from negative energies. I used to study the paranormal, mostly for fun, and then to prepare myself should anything happen. I've read that negative energies seek to break down more positive people. And I've also read that spirits seeking help will locate people who they feel can help. But, I don't feel comfortable communing with spirits at all. I haven't messed with a ouija board since I was that young teenager. I don't address any presence. I didn't even say anything to that spirit who tried to punch me. However positive and attractive my energy may be, I'm just not the kind of person who WANTS to interact with spirits. I don't want to see or hear anything. I don't want to be touched. I don't want anything to do with spirits, not even if they were my own ancestors. I am TERRIFIED. I believe that spirits sense that when I sense THEM, and that's why they just leave me alone. (The normal ones at least.)

I want to move out into my first apartment by this time next year. I know that I'll ask the owner about any ghostly complaints before I rent the place, and I'll properly cleanse it before I move in. But I still worry. I still feel like a very vulnerable person, and I fear that negative entities will take advantage of that.

yoooooo, this week is all about the Festival of Dionysia so let's PARTY!! Nah, i don't have any friends to hang out with, so i'll just be at home, watching musicals and singing and dancing around while I clean up for spring. i spent friday and sunday cleaning and my rooms look so much better and smell better.

i also got 6, count 'em, SIX new plants, including a sword fern, English ivy, four succulents, and a Venus flytrap. i have an app that tells me when to water them, feed them, and repot them, so i've actually kept my two previous plants alive for a WHILE, which is fantastic! it's called Planta if you guys wanna know. you take pictures of your plants and name them, and the app does all the work of telling you when to care for them based on things like pot size, distance from window/sunlight, and the size of your plant once it's in your care. i highly recommend it. i think it's free too? i can't remember paying for it, but i so would with how nice it is.

i just looked at my test results from my fragile x syndrome lab, and it's negative. so i continue on my journey to figure out everything that's wrong with me and why. i really thought i was onto something with the fragile x, it really did explain absolutely everything i've struggled with. i'm now gonna start looking into issues caused by the mother smoking, 'cause my mom was a smoker all the way up until i was like, seven. i don't know. maybe narcolepsy. that would explain several things, too. i don't know. i just don't know. this is like my obsession, my special interest. i don't know.

woke up late, with chills, nausea, and super weak legs. I can't stand for very long, and walking is a bit hard, so i called in to work, 'cause you can't really work in a pharmacy all day if you can barely stand, let alone walk. and i think i'm getting a fever, too. hooray. today is a day for Apollo, according to the hellenic calendar, so i'll be praying today to feel better. not up for a formal ritual, though i'm sure Apollo will understand. i just feel crappy. i'm pretty sure it's partly due to how much i walked around yesterday, and my period. btw, have any of you with more eco-friendly mindsets tried reusable pads? they're awesome!

conflicted feelings about Loki. so obviously i didn't care much for the Norse pantheon until the Marvel Cinematic Universe came into being and suddenly everyone (including me) is obsessed with Loki. and yeah, I was writing self-insert fanfiction from a very young age and wrote a bunch of stuff about being MCU Loki's friend and subsequent lover and all that, yada yada yada.

But as i've grown older and i'm growing more confident in my lesbianism, my love for the MCU Loki has shifted from romantic/sexual love to a more maternal love. these days, in my MCU self-insert fanfiction, i've created a character that literally is Mother Earth. she was created from irradiated plants and microorganisms way back when there were still dinosaurs and stuff. an old Asgardian king discovers her and they fall in love and have the first "humans" together. so she really is the Allmother of Earth, essentially. and in her arc, i've written that she was there when Laufey and the other Jotuns attacked Earth back over a thousand years ago, and Laufey took a special liking to her, kidnapped her, and impregnated her. she eventually gave birth to a little blue baby boy -you see where i'm going with this? but he was taken from her and you know the rest.

so skip forward in time and she thinks her son was killed a long time ago. then Thor is banished to Earth and she gets to meet her distant grandson and catch up on things on Asgard since Odin stopped visiting after the war -no doubt out of guilt that he never rescued her when she was kidnapped and held captive. but she doesn't learn that Loki is her long-lost son until Loki's invasion, and she makes it her mission to get her son back, no matter what Odin says. in my stories, i write that Odin uses magic to regress Loki back to a baby so the Allmother can raise him as she was always meant to.

so, I get conflicted feelings when thinking about the ACTUAL god Loki. because i've shaped the name around the MCU character and i struggle to separate the two. i've had dreams where Loki comes to me -and one time he had sex with me which made me wake up even MORE confused, but I don't know how to feel about the real him.

those of you who work with Loki, how do you separate the character and the real god?

do you guys use "magic" or "magick"?? wanting to know