Clavao...que crack

if you dont have me on facebook you are probably not missing out on any posts but the comment section is important too lmao

I went to the Renaissance faire dressed as a warrior.  I had a real sword with me, too.  I was standing (in character) next to a sword-fighting ring, where kids of all ages got the chance to pick up a sword and challenge the champion.  Some woman walks by, with her little girl.  The girl starts walking towards the ring, saying she wants to fight.  But the mom pulled her away hella sharply, and was like, “That’s for boys.”  You don’t want to be a BOY, do you?”    And the girl looked around and saw me.  I think she thought I was a boy; I had my hair in a ponytail, and was wearing a hood.  So she comes up to me and asks me, “Do you think girls can be fighters, too?”  And her mom looks like she’s silently gloating.  Like she thinks I’m going to say no.  So I take off my hood, untie my hair so that it flows freely, and kneel before her.  And I’m like, “Milady, anyone can be a fighter.”  I swear, the look on that mother’s face made my day.

This post was good but then it got better

Okay, this is a slight topic diversion, but in response to the above comment. I’ve volunteered at the CT Ren Faire for years now. For the last 5 or so I’ve worked in the game section, and we have a game similar to the above comment called “Smite the Knight”. I’ve been in the ring before, it’s a ton of fun getting to run around with the kids. The main goal is entertainment. Have a good shtick, keep the crowd engaged, and let the kids have a good time.

In both work and observing, I have learned something about kids. A lot of parents try to get their boys to go fight. Of the young ones that do, they tend to be shy. You get the ones who just swing the boffer swords around with no regard for life, but, mostly, they’re reserved. It’s adorable. I mean, they’re kids.

But the girls. THE GIRLS. Holy crap. I swear, the pinker the dress, the more taffeta and glitter…the more intensity. I remember, the first year I worked there, one girl came in, grabbed the biggest sword she could, and WENT TO TOWN on our knight. Lifted it over head, let out this primal scream and mowed him down. Homeboy is 6′2″, she was FIVE. And once he was in the fetal position (He was fine. It was for show.) on the ground, she stopped, put her foot on his chest, and yelled “I AM A FIERCE PRINCESS!!”. Later in the day when she walked by a couple of us yelled “Ah! It’s the fierce princess!” and she stopped and flexed. It was the best, and I will never forget that girl.

OH MY GOD IT’S BACK YES

This has improved since last I reblogged.

I taught karate for like 5 years, and the girls were always, pound for pound, better than the boys. Even the girls who didn’t really want to do it and were only there because their parents made them were better than like 95% of the boys.

I was playing fiddle at a ren faire, and two little girls were really enjoying our set. After quite some time one of them walked up to me and shyly offered me her star tinsel tiara, because she “didn’t have any money. And this protects you from trolls!” I said “Thanks, that’s really sweet – but what about you? Don’t you need protection from trolls?”

At which point this six-ish-year-old girl whips out her certificate from the axe throwing booth and says “Nah, I’m fine.”

I still have that tinsel tiara. It’s draped over my modem. I figure it’ll protect me from the most trolls that way.

I am not in the habit of reblogging a post and slapping an “it got better” on there BUT I SAY GOTDAMN

El camuflaje perfecto

such a beautiful take. allies take note. 

twitter is going to be shut down. half of reddit is locked or completely unmoderated. the entire first page of google search results are ads. tumblr does not and will never have a functioning search system and their content moderation is 100% automated. youtube only shares ad revenue with people who make snuff films for Youtube Kids. facebook is selling your grandma’s social security number under the table for like $5. web 2.0 is completely dead right

My latest project is a custom set of keyboard caps

I really love the way this post never blew up big but it never goes away. I've got other posts that get like 100k in a couple days, and never leave my notifications... But this one just shows up once or twice every day.

I fully expect the teeth keyboard will still be slowly circulating five years from now. Still creeping people out.

I couldn't be prouder. Someday I'll introduce ya'll to the hair keyboard and you'll know the true meaning of fear.

that's because curses don't just go away on their own

For everyone going "Hair keyboard?" in the replies...

I heard reference to something about how all anime are required to have good looking cabbage because of That One Time. So simply looking up "anime cabbage" I found the source.

Some harem anime way back in the day had an episode where the characters cooked, and they animated cabbage so terribly like this it left a bad mark on the anime community forever. Apparently this is part of the reason why all food usually looks good in anime, even moreso than the regular show sometimes. With cabbage being especially well drawn.

A complaint, apparently in a paper.

The first show when released internationally was reanimated in this part.

And high quality or low quality cabbage is sometimes referenced.

I learned of this because the most recent Hologra episode has noel eating cabbage, tearing apart a fine quality cabbage into two low poly halves.

i love learning about other cultures' memes, especially like this

I can relate to this on every level

“postmortem decay set in SERIOUSLY quickly”

Pequeño pero matón

Since July is Disability Pride Month

(as opposed to every other month when we're all demure about disability rights /gentle sarcasm)

I wanted to highlight one of my favorite artists: Liberal Jane.

remember when this was the craziest thing politicians ever said

this could work. we never tried it

"only white women are allowed to reclaim masculinity because black women are always seen as masculine!!!" cold ass take. as if the fact that we are always seen as masculine which somehow makes us "less than a woman" which results in black and brown women attempting to be seen as feminine isn't the most suppressing thing in the world. you've never had your mother force you into a dress for the most mundane activities ever (ex. literally just existing in public) because anything else would be seen as "less presentable" and it shows. woc can reclaim masculinity too lol

the fact that we are seen as masculine and less of a woman because of it often results in black and brown women trying to be as feminine as possible in order to not be seen as masculine aka a man. which means that black and brown mothers are often forcing their daughters into femininity against their will which, especially for gnc girls, is traumatizing!!! masculinity can be reclaimed by black and brown girls and can be liberating for us!!!! stop saying it can't be you racist fuck

i see people rbing this post but can you plsssss rb it with this addition as well. i feel like the first one is kind of messy and i make more sense of it w this rb pls rb this addition!!!!

The kind of thing a good coder wouldn't mind seeing on their tombstone:

DEGRADED GRACEFULLY

Finally, a truly useful flashlight design!  Because even just some light from one or two functional batteries is better than having not enough batteries to even close the circuit!  Plus, if the contacts corrode at one spot and you don’t have the time & means to clean it, you can still get light out of the thing!

"I don't need a shopping list; with effort, I will remember that I need this item"

Okay but will you be able to remember that you already bought it? Because apparently I can't.

They're can openers.

So again, why are they shaped like this? I've never seen a can-opener like this

This is the right shape

That's a Klingon weapon.

person out here using wwi can openers

I've never seen a can opener that's not shaped like

outside of like, American movies? Where are y'all getting CAN OPENERS WITH HANDLES?

Well I got these ones from Kmart. From memory I think they each cost about six bucks. (About $4US)

what is wrong with all of you? here is the opener!

Just looking at this picture is giving me tetanus.

#jesus christ people are really out here using can openers from the bronze age#op is the only person in this thread with normal can openers and they have 3 of them

They're all using these dangerous weapons because I'm hoarding all the good can openers

The earliest version of this type of can opener was patented in 1926, and went into production around 1930 or 1931.

The Swing-A-Way model #407 has been in production since 1955 and has sold an estimated 100 million plus units.

The Bunker company was purchased by the Rival Company and was manufacturing can openers based on this design effectively since 1931 up to the present day (currently owned by Rubbermaid).

There have been a large number of improvements to the design but it remains in production to this day including under more or less the unchanged original patent. Many can openers even incorporate a small hook into their design which can be used as a bottle opener, or similar to the lever type can openers above.

Just so everyone on this thread knows, they also come in electric. Which can be very useful after you slice your hands open on that trench warfare shit.

after that cursed butter denier yesterday and now this, i'm starting to think half of tumblr users are visitors from some kind of Dickensian alternate reality where everything to do with food is crusty and depressing

Why does the box of that electric can opener demonstrate the opener being used on a can with a pull top

Reblogging again because I do actually have something to say to this. I own both, like one of those thingies OP has, and like an ANCIENT canopener. And like those things OP had just survive a year or two, then they don't open cans anymore and are just frustrating BUT the ancient canopener? It works so perfectly fine and well. I think it is still from my great grandmother. And it just fucking SLAPS.

It might last longer but my wrists when I have to use it don't. Those old openers are fucking hell on the hands. I can get a new can opener easier than I can get new joints.

Especially since you already have three of them

I love the migration in this post from ADHD purchasing to can opener discourse. You don't get this shit on any other site.

how do you forget you already have a can opener.

When one breaks and you're like "oh I gotta get a new one" and then the part of your brain that made you get the new one deletes that memory because ADHD fucks with your memory, as do many other things.

Can opener breaks. You tell yourself "gotta get a new can opener." You remind yourself VERY VERY HARD, because life without a can opener is very difficult. (Perhaps you spend a week or so without one. This helps you remember I NEED A CAN OPENER when you next go to the store.)

You buy a can opener. Good. Now you can eat things that aren't packaged in boxes.

The next time you are at the store... you remember the panic of OMG I HAVE A PANTRY FULL OF FOOD I CANNOT EAT; MUST GET CAN OPENER.

...You buy a can opener.

Repeat until the memory of "omg I already have one of these" is stronger than the panic of "MUST GET CAN OPENER" when you are at the store.

My brother recently told me about a new kind of can opener that cuts on the outside of the can rather than on the top. It doesn't leave a sharp edge, the top comes off without falling in, and you can put the top back on to put an unfinished can back in the fridge (again without the top falling in).

There are several brands that make them, but this is the one my brother has:

https://www.amazon.com/OXO-Good-Grips-Smooth-Opener/dp/B000079XW2

I love that new version of the can opener. I use it for my food, so opening cans (usually) doesn't attract the cats.

Imagine the neck strain of looking up at the batcomputer for hours

How the tables have turned

Oh come on you HAVE to include the footage.

???????????????

Love how he just sits down at the end like Harrumph. Hmm. Just defied the laws of physics. Guess that happened.

i love how the title is "human baseball player" . yknow, as opposed to all those non-human baseball players we have that double jump regularly

Yes, I am.... Wake up already

Hello again

Hope everyone is doing well

These were done as pencil commissions

Daughter of fantasy villains decides to rebel against her parents by actually going through with her arranged marriage to a local golden retriever of a prince instead of running off with some local villain-to-be or conquering said golden retriever’s kingdom and ruling it solo like her parents expect her to. Plus, sue her, she’s into the clean-cut earnest look.

At the same time, local prince charming discovers that he’s actually very into the gothic fiance his parents have landed him with in order to try and establish peace with the local evil lair down the lane, he would never have guessed a spiderweb pattern could look so fetching on a ball gown…?

Meanwhile, two pairs of parents in a tizzy because they both expected their offspring to whole-heartedly reject this union and give them an excuse to conquer their goody-two-shoes/evil neighbours, they’re not supposed to actually like each other-!

respective friend groups undergoing culture clash like all of prince charming’s knights are like what vile spell has been used to ensorcel our prince.  we must be on our guard for surely this is but a ruse for an assassination attempt

meanwhile the villain bride’s friends are all like clearly he loves you not, why do you persist in a manner that will ensure your own heart break, i mean if he was taking this seriously there would be at least three assassination attempts by now.  it’s like he doesn’t even notice that you have massive amounts of dark power to covet for his own

smashcut to

fully armored knight, clanging through the hallways in attempts at stealth, blades drawn: i’m just saying, i took an oath of protection.  this feels wrong.

prince charming: it’s not wrong, it’s celebrating cross cultural traditions for my beloved bride

knight: it’s attempted murder

prince charming: it’s a loving attempted murder

@chucktaylorupset  Meanwhile the bride has a bouquet of roses, cornflowers, and wheat sheaves on her desk in her room, and she’s not coming out until she’s written a beautiful and moving poem about how they favourably compare to her groom. It’s been three days. She’s gone through an entire raven’s worth of quills (unethically sourced). The ‘toads who used to be my friends’ list has gone up by one. But she’s bent dark forces and eldritch spirits to her will and, by the powers obscene, this will not be the thing that breaks her.

Sorceress friend: Please, just get him an amulet that will double his power at the cost of his soul, no one’s worth this.

Rebellious villainess: (nearly in tears) No, he brought his best knights to the castle and tried to kill me last week, at midnight, I can’t ignore something like that! He even kicked Cathulhu!

Sorceress friend: He nudged it with his foot. And then he apologized to it. In tears.

Rebellious villainess: (actually in tears now, for reasons of feels instead of poetic torment) He’s trying so hard!!!