somehow instead of saying "as a treat", I've started using the phrase "for morale", as if my body is a ship and its crew, and I (the captain) have to keep us in high spirits, lest we suffer a mutiny in the coming days.
and so I will eat this small block of fancy cheese, for morale. I will take a break and drink some tea, for morale. I will pick up that weird bug, for morale.
I'm not sure if it helps, but it does entertain me
consider the sperm whale and the squid. an ancient rivalry that dates back millions of years. we know the whales eat the squids. we know the squids do not make it easy for them. we know this because of the scars the whales carry, scars on the outside of their body, and on the inside as well. how badly must you want something to endure wounds inside your mouth? inside your gut?
consider the whale, who is harmed by what sustains her. consider the squid, whose flesh is soft and delicious but refuses to go down easy.
This post is about lactose intolerance I can smell it.
if u feel the first cramp and think "i dont need a painkiller yet, itll pass" ? that the devil speaking, take that painkiller immediately
if i had to choose between death and reading homestuck then i would probably just read the damn webcomic but i definitely wouldn't be very happy about it
have you considered i dont want fucking homestuck to be the reason i die. did you think about that
ACTUALLY YOU KNOW WHAT. IM PUTTING EVERYTHING ON THE LINE HERE
someone blaze this
the feeling of learning is legitimately so cool. there’s a little whoa sound effect that plays in your brain whenever you read a sentence that expands reality for you a tiny bit
across the spiderverse is so good that i still don’t feel like i’ve watched it. i need it beamed directly into my brain on loop for a week straight. my attention did not falter once for the entire 2.5 hour runtime and still i lie awake at night thinking about all the frames i missed by blinking. what the fuck man
Your task today, tumblerites, is to slip platypusary into casual conversation. Bonus points if nobody notices.
as a child being told "the moon controls the tides" with no additional explanation was like. oh okay. you want me to believe in magic? you're talking about magic right now? okay. fine
sorry. only semi-related but i simply wasn't ready for "the sun is a distant gorilla". thank you NASA
when you’re telling someone that you were on the wikipedia page for defunct US retail outlets and they’re like “why” and you suddenly realize that this is not someone you can successfully communicate with
Things that would fix the internet immediately:
i love pitting classically trained magic users against self-taught magic users in sci-fi/fantasy but it shouldn’t be snobbish disdain for them it should be terror
“WHO TAUGHT YOU LIGHTNING BEFORE BASIC TELEKINESIS. LOSING MY MIND WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU JUST DID IT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAST WITH YOUR BARE HANDS”
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU’VE ‘HACKED’ MANA DRAIN
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘DRINK SOME JUICE’
WHAT IS ‘LOW BLOOD SUGAR’
WHY IS THIS WORKING
I HATE YOU SO MUCH
Okay but other direction can ALSO be a lot of fun
“What do you mean I don’t have to burn half my blood to create a fireball?”
“Why can you teleport more than once without vomiting? WTF is ‘quantum displacement awareness’???”
“You know HOW many spells? HOW? ... What do you mean ‘my spell book’?”
“Ooooh, you’re just summoning water portions from the Plane of Water... Lol I thought I HAD to combine hydrogen and oxygen molecules to generate water in small amounts. That’s so much easier then what I was doing!”
Tags via @mia7437
This is exactly how coding works.
[Image is a screenshot of tags that read:
#i think this is how coding works]
Wait you’re a white guy named Brian who is into pup play omg it’s just like family guy
Found on twitter, going to adopt this now
Writer friends, tell me how many WIPs and how many UFOs you have. I have 2 WIPs and [redacted] UFOs (jk it’s around 16 across my three main fandoms)
please no one disturb me I am doing important research on wikipedia dot com today
I see I've released a new word into the tumblr ecosystem, glad we're all being totally normal about it <3
and I am sooo sorry, it is wikipedia dot org actually
official boob post
everyone's like wehhhhh why doesn't doctor house gets suuuueeed! like my man. literally every patient he sees is someone that's been trying to find a diagnosis for ages. i could live with a little medical malpractice if it were coming from someone ready to break into my home to look for allergens and not simply half heartedly listen to me before suggesting I lose weight and take ages of back and forth arguing to order a single test
"it's medical malpractice" have u ever been a doctor? most medicine is malpractice. let the man limp around chewing vicodin doing 50 invasive tests please
Once Taub (derogatory) derisively said about a patient with unexplained chronic pain “7 doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with him, what does that mean?” and House replied without even thinking “it means they’re idiots” and proceed to work his ass off to diagnose the patient Taub wanted to write off as a faker or something. If a doctor had said that when that patient was ME, I wouldn’t dream of suing them in a million years
[ID: tags from user ethosuximide that read “#Dr House would also draw Rouge the Bat as wide as she is tall with tits to match #you wouldn’t even have to ask #he’d just do it” end ID]
