Anonymous asked:
gave a guy head once and after he finished he said "thanks for kissing my worm" guess that's what happens when you suck a guy off behind a tesco express
I hate my followers so much it’s unreal. Not even a proper fucking Tesco’s
AU where Sokka’s high-on-cactus-juice encounter with the giant mushroom takes a dark turn. (Also he has a gun)
based on this beautiful tumblr post
bonus:
Absolutely hilarious. 😭😭😭
This is the best interpretation of the mushroom post.
I FINALLY FOUND IT AGAIN
Remember to boost for demographics!
once again asking for reblogz plz pretty plz i want tasty data and my follower demographic is small and probably more muslim than average
I was raised pagan but I believed in Santa. In fact, I was terrified of Santa. I didn't like the idea of him watching me when I slept, and I DEFINITELY didn't like the idea of him breaking into my house at night. My mom, however, was raised Catholic, and wanted me to have the Santa experience, so in order to combat my fear of Santa she invented an alternative
ODIN CLAUS
Odin Claus is Santa's cousin who lives in Norway (or maybe it was Iceland. I forgot), and wears green. Odin Claus knows if you've been bad or good because when he was a teenager he pulled out his eye and threw it down the Well of Knowledge, so now he has a magic glass eye instead. He doesn't ride a sleigh, but rather an eight-legged horse named Sleipnir. He has no elves, and rather than making his toys 100% by hand, he orders the parts from the manufacturers (cause I always thought it was questionable that Santa could somehow handcraft brand-name items) and then assembles them himself.
All of this by rights sounds INFINITELY more terrifying than Santa, but for some reason I wasn't scared of Odin Claus. I thought he ruled and I was ecstatic when he "visited" our local pagan community group (apparently heedless to the fact that it was very obviously my mom's friend Francis in a green Santa suit and fake beard), and when he asked me what GREAT DEEDS OF VALOR I had done that year to deserve presents, I proudly proclaimed "STUFF!" and he was like. Well alright then! Good job!
Anyway. I don't have anywhere I'm going with this other than that there should possibly be an option for "believed in some bizarre Santa alternative"
#so my mom's jewish and both my parents were atheist#my dad was staunchly of the If You Believe In Something You're Stupid atheism#but he also read lots of bible stories to me#and we did christmas and hannukah#at least until I left for college and then it was just christmas#and one year when I was a kid I spied my parents coming down the stairs with the stockings#so that clinched it for me#I consider myself Jewish but I don't know anything about it
my friend asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend because her parents are homophobic af but they ended up hating me so much that they were glad when she said she was gay task failed successfully
okay so
- be a goth. conservative christian parents don't approve of goth men. show up to their house wearing all kinds of satanic symbols if you can
- know more about religion than the parents. they'll try to introduce you to christianity because you don't exactly look like a christian but your dad's an ex priest and has a phd in theology so *cracks knuckles* you'll correct them on every little mistake they make
- call your fake girlfriend every annoying petname under the sun. i'm talking about babu, shmoopie, snuffleupagus. when you run out of annoying english terms of endearment call her shit like "my liver" or "my little cabbage" (actual greek terms of endearments but the parents won't know this they'll just think you're annoying :3)
- to continue this, talk to your fake girlfriend in the most high pitched annoying voice possible but talk in your regular voice to everyone else
stare at her older brother's ass for just a little too long- have an annoying laugh. think of sybil fawlty but a stereotypical villain playing a church organ in his castle
- let them quote bible verses to you. then ask "so when were those two destroyed for sodomy?". it's very funny to do this when judas kisses jesus, and it's even funnier when you've just corrected them over a minor mistake in church history
- ask WHY abraham was begging for sodom. it doesn't make sense to you why a good christian man would go and beg for tha-
- be over possessive of your fake gf (dont really do this, it's just an act)
go and fuck her brother in an alleyway.the parents won't know about this so it's an optional step- use words no one knows the meaning of. do this without realising because you always talk like that
- just be yourself! that's enough on its own to make them despise you tbh
yes
i kissed him on the lips infront of his parents and claimed it was the usual greek greeting between men is that enough for you
Are you…. Are you secretly dating her brother OP?
yes
I wonder why
Show up again to admit to dating the brother, but dress like a typical suburbanite and act like you've never met the parents before. Absolute power move.
asdgfgsjfh im totally doing this
want an update?
ofc you do
but i'm too tired to write all of what happened down right now so instead try to imagine the most awkward situation you've ever been in.
now multiply the awkwardness by 100
first of all i'm just gonna show the difference in what i was wearing
an example of what i would wear as my friend's fake bf:
and as my boyfriend's actual bf:
when my bf and i showed up his dad did such a double take
sooo yeah my bf told his parents he's gay, they looked surprised but told him it was fine... then they shared a look of pure horror (seriously, it was like they had just found out they're in the matrix) and said
"and uh. why is...he here?"
i went and introduced myself like we had never met before and said i was their son's boyfriend
:3
i've never seen two people look more angry before but they weren't gonna say anything because they had other family members over
the family members who had never met me before and therefore knew nothing about the fake relationship thing started asking me what faith i am. i said i was raised protestant, though i'm not very religious now, but that's something i want to change. i had never mentioned anything about being a protestant before and i had said several times that my family was greek orthodox but gaslight gatekeep girlboss
aaaand then the awkwardness began. those were probably the most awkward minutes of my life (we didn't stay for long because i thought the dad was gonna hit me [he probably was. i saw him clenching his fists several times]) and i don't think anyone has ever looked at me with such murderous intent as my bf's parents
update two electric boogaloo ig
i have a girlfriend now🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
Yes, Superman saving cats from trees
ABSOLUTELY NAILED IT
It’s come to my attention that some people are traversing the interwebs of fandom without ever hearing of the Ms. Scribe Story or the Cassandra Claire Debacle.
At surface level, this is concerning because they are awesome stories, and everyone’s life is made a little better when they find an awesome story.
On more serious levels, fandom is a wacky place, full of people doing wacky, occasionally damaging things to each other. Some of that has evolved, but some of it is the same as it ever was. History rocks because you can learn from the mistakes of others, and maybe hurt people a little less in the future. Fandom being a giant, convoluted web of passion, some history that could use sharing goes missed.
The two stories linked are from early 2000s Harry Potter fandom. The Ms. Scribe Story is a tale of one person’s aggressive use of sockpuppets to work their way up fandom hierarchy. The Cassandra Claire Debacle is about how the top name in that fandom hierarchy is a plagiarist.
They’re prime examples of fandom being fandom in intensely negative ways. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a brand of fandom toxicity that isn’t on display in some way within these write-ups, and while that is admittedly sort of depressing, having things to point at that make you stop and think, “Wait, I’ve seen this before, this is not a thing I want to be part of,” can keep you out of some of the deeper fandom pitfalls.
They are also deeply fascinating reads. If you haven’t explored them before, or only know the summary versions, give them a shot.
When she was 90 percent asleep, she heard the door very quietly unlatch and close. Then she counted, and at the end of five counts there was Pyrrha at the door saying, “Ah, my darling hearts, my sleeping babes, Daddy’s own treasures,” and Camilla saying without opening her eyes, “Go to bed. I just got her to sleep.”
Nona fell asleep and was happy.
if i see one more post saying Ballister looks like Pedro Pascal i’m gonna be SICK!!! he is literally a carbon copy of his voice actor, Riz Ahmed!!!!!!
^ the same person
leave your number on the locker and i’ll give you a call (hey shut up, hey shut up, yeah)
THIS IS BIG BIG BIG! YES!
NO MORE FED USE OF PRIVATE PRISONS!
President Biden signed the executive order January 27, 2021. This is the first time I’ve even heard of this. Here are a couple of links with more info:
Biden gets a lot of flack for being a generic neo liberal rather than a cool leftist, and trust me I’m 100% on board with criticizing Biden, but it occurred to me that, at least by my standards, he’s the best president I’ve lived under. Clinton was just “What if Reaganomics but with a saxophone”, Obama did pass the ACA, but he also cut it to bits to appease the republicans who didn’t vote for it anyway, and he constantly bombed middle-eastern civilians. I’m not even gonna bother mentioning any of the republicans since I don’t need to convince my intended audience that they’re bad.
Biden, while he’s obviously had some major bad decisions (breaking the rail strike, failing to defend trans rights), has done more actual good than I think anyone else I’ve lived under. He’s nearly completely ended drone strikes, he’s addressing the debt crisis (everyone knows about the $10k, but very few I’ve seen know about the changes he’s made to how federal student loans work that make them far less of a burden/deathtrap), and now there’s the above, which I’m just learning about.
Never let perfect be the enemy of good, and while Biden is very far from being a perfect president, I’m pretty comfortable calling him a good one.
For all the people who insist they never trust politicians, they are sure adamant about waiting until the stars align and political Jesus comes down from the clouds to save us. If you actually didn’t like or trust politicians you would accept that the great majority of the time we are going to have to work with mediocrity.
Biden is boring and uninspiring for sure, but he is significantly less offensive than the vast majority of other options and he is someone we can influence. We want someone we can influence and push towards our positions. Biden has shown that if he isn’t an ally, he at least can be persuaded or pushed into doing what we, the left, want. There are few candidates we can actually say that about.
The point is not that he’s perfect. The point is that he’s very clearly shown that he cares about using his political mandate to make things better. The point is that he cares about accountability. The point is that he cares about what historians will say about him in the future. The point is, these are good qualities in a leader. The kind of qualities that we can work with.
With regards to the rail strike, he continued working with the railways after the strike and just recently got them to give the workers their sick leave. https://www.ibew.org/media-center/Articles/23Daily/2306/230620_IBEWandPaid
“We’re thankful that the Biden administration played the long game on sick days and stuck with us for months after Congress imposed our updated national agreement,” Russo said. “Without making a big show of it, Joe Biden and members of his administration in the Transportation and Labor departments have been working continuously to get guaranteed paid sick days for all railroad workers.”
FYI Obama tried to end federal use of for-profit prisons and then Trump rolled it back. Just like Obama ended giving military grade supplies to law enforcement and Trump rolled it back. And so on.
The presidential election in 2024 is going to be a mess, remember who the real enemy is.
prince henry & alex claremont-diaz | red, white & royal blue (dir. matthew lopez, 2023)
dedicated to my "sanity" accountability partner for these idiots and this movie @princessfbi 💕 sr for tags (interact here if you would like to be added)
Once you have lived through every natural disaster and economic calamity in human history without becoming a pack rat, then you can judge me.
Melissa Navia as Erica Ortegas 'Among the Lotus Eaters' STAR TREK: STRANGE NEW WORLDS