very very important i never find this person bc the more aware i am of my own person the more convinced if i found them i would certainly try to fucking kill them

i am so glad i finally learned how to hold everything in and look like idgaf #homosexualitycured 👍

im quite aware one of my concurrent issues is being a BELIEVER in the sense that i always somehow end up running into someone i think i vibe well with and half-joke abt something but the other person is 100% serious abt said thing and not joking abt it.

I ALWAYS LIKE TO BELIEVE theyre also halfjoking but a lot of the time theyre not 😭

I think ive gotten wayyyyyyy too soft now. Never really understood the appeal of headpats. generally speaking i think its weird when people do it or are obsessed with it.

For years I used to only allow close friends to spoil me like that bc they look really happy doing it. a lot of people tend to dote on me bc for whatever reason. My only assumption is because im quite young and petite looking. I suppose my anxious personality too brings out a doting side of people im not sure.

I genuinely have no fucking clue when or why im only now kind of into it. I think its only because im so stressed out lately. Anything even vaguely calming to me is something to be cherished i guess.

had the most fuckass dream ever abt someone i dont even fucking know. it was genuinely so terrifying the entire time i was fucking panicking. I ONLY think it was a valuable nightmare bc it forced me to understand i have to make sure we remain strangers forever

i thought abt it a little harder and im drawing close to some sort of conclusion that in the very end i just really dont want to have my weaknesses exposed. ITS LIKE SHOWING AN OPEN BLEEDING FUCKING WOUND its embarassing letting others know how easy it is to absolutely TEAR into me

i only think ive improved as a person bc i finally found something like peace with holding all my gay thoughts inside and it strokes my ego ever so slowly by knowing nobody will ever know the insane things i think about

i think everyone has a very obscured vision of me bc apparently everyone thinks i can pull? I was talking to one of my friends mutuals again a little while ago and she told me she thinks i have something like a "playgirl" type of vibe with girls. where is this all coming from.........

hngmggmnmm i wanna be friends with pretty girls but its hard bc i get way too self conscious for no reason abt it...its not necessarily that i get worried im "too ugly" to hang out with them or something but i feel REALLY WEIRD for some reason abt being the only butch dyke in the group 🗿

its that wonderful time where i feel impending doom again from literally everything 💀💀💀

not only is it important i continue to work on my comic bc i love my ocs but bc i need eve to take on all my frusturations rn lmao

honestly getting so mad abt how this kind of loses SM MEANING NOW bc they pissed me off so bad

i am so pathetic straight woman core waiting for my job opportunities to text back

its hard being a probably insane music enjoyer bc i have to use every fiber in my body not to make an expression when someone tells me they really like the fuckass group/musician

im supposed to meet up w my friend later today and i gen dont know how to look her in the eye after she told me today she fucks with savage and gnarly 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

i think i gotta start thinking of it all like how i read horrible straight ppl manga sometimes. You just take it all to god and never talk abt it