bark like a dog. your below me moron

breakfast today is phone in bed

the worst kind of social interaction you can have is when you don't know if you passed or failed it but you know you could have done better. like it was fine i guess but if someone shot me in the back of the head right now i wouldn't complain.

my nephew Hamlet is soo fucking anoying LOL. maybe if i dress as a ghost i can get him to kill himself &many others

I sometimes wonder whether there's any correlation between the historical decline in alleged assassinations where the victim is claimed to have been poisoned via some extremely unlikely vector and improved understanding of what an allergy is.

I admittedly have no firm basis for this, but someone randomly turning out to have a heretofore-undetected lethal allergy to some substance that's used in the millinery trade seems a lot more likely than a bunch of dudes conspiring to kill somebody and the best plan they can come up with is a poisoned hat.

How’s it feel to be the funniest person on tumblr?

It became common knowledge that ancient societies cared for the disabled & were more sensitive than we assumed, and people overcorrected from the grim, primitive portrayal of old into an assumption that in ancient times people were peaceful until something corrupted them. And now others are overcorrecting back in the opposite direction - no, they weren't even slightly peaceful, they were ghouls bashing in heads with rocks. When the truth is probably that they cared for their sick and disabled, and bashed in other people's heads with rocks.

Societies can have advanced, positive aspects and horrible ones. Example: all of them

Getting into an argument with my partner because I said they should eat my body if I die before them in a survival situation and they refuse to entertain the notion. "I'm not saying you should kill me, I'm saying if you outlive me you should eat me," I say. "NO," they respond.

— January 30, 1922 / Franz Kafka diaries

Every day I am haunted

it was PAINTED DIRECTLY ON HIS WALL

Every day I am haunted

it was PAINTED DIRECTLY ON HIS WALL

i am an ally to all embarrassing and uncool women forever and ever

“When you’re mean to me this is who ur being mean to” meme with Sanrio characters and small kitten is overused. Trite. It’s done I can’t relate. When ur mean to me this is who you’re being mean to:

Astarion play through going well lol

just a big man talkin' to a little man. (heavy is totally a big brother to scout) 979 followers!! yall are so precious to me and make my life less painfull :DD

need to share an experience i had 30 minutes ago

(edit: thanks to @walks-the-ages for providing and reminding me to put alt text, sorry it slips my mind alot lol)