Do you have any advice for coping with rib pain and breathing issues connected to a history of breast binding?? I've never done that and didn't even know that garment could be so dangerous. I am not sure what to tell a friend struggling now that she quit, she says she even finds bras painful now which is astonishing to me. Is this permanent or can it improve??

It's probably going to be different for everyone depending on what damage was done. Some people get chostochondritis (and anti-inflammatory measures may help with that, at least to an extent) but other people have messed up their ribs in various ways.

This is obviously not medical advice but just something I've tried in the absence of any informed medical care--but things that gradually help increase lung capacity might help--swimming, wind instruments (including singing), breath-focused meditation.

Sorry she's dealing with that and hope it gets better.

I appreciate your Boyce interview SO much. A former friend’s partner is FTM and only had to ask their PCP for testosterone. They lived in Louisiana. I was super pro-trans, but felt weird in my stomach because I have severe reproductive issues (I’ve had surgery) and it took years for me to get help. I couldn’t just ask.

First of all, thank you for the appreciation 😭💖 it always means a lot to me

Secondly, yeah it’s very odd to me when it comes to “informed consent” and how easy it is for people to get on cross-sex hormones 😬 Like why is it so easy for people to get on cross-sex hormones? Shouldn’t we be treating this a bit more seriously?

How do I deal with the fact that my voice will never be the same as before transitioning?

That was a hard one for me for a very long time. A few things seem to have been part of my shift to acceptance about it.

One is knowing a lot of other women with T-altered voices. It just doesn't mean the same thing to me anymore. It means we share this certain life path, history. Early on in my attempts to get detrans women talking to each other, my T-altered voice was one of the things that made it possible for me to reach out to a woman in early detransition crisis; from my voice, she would know that I had shared some part of an experience like hers. My changed voice means something different to me because of experiences like these.

Two, I have a women's community that knows what my voice means and what it doesn't mean--and that really helps. In the world at large, sometimes people think it means that I'm transitioning. Obviously that isn't true anymore, but there's no shame for me in that misunderstanding either. If it's someone who isn't going to know me, it's pretty easy to let that go. If it's someone I'm going to interact with in some ongoing way, I clear up the confusion in whatever way I think is best.

Three, I started singing again. As a practice, this has helped me understand and experience my voice differently, also exercise her and let her keep growing. I've found ways to make sounds I didn't think I could anymore. It isn't the same as before, but that is okay. I used to try to make certain sounds and no sound would happen. Now with enough exercise and practice I can create them again, in a new way. I also think the experience of singing just for the joy of it, focusing on how it feels without regard for how it sounds, has been a helpful practice. Lesbian circle songs have been a really cool part of my life around this issue. I even wrote one for us to sing at the last detrans gathering I organized on womynsland.

Four, I allow myself the grief of what's lost. There is no end of grief in life. It's just part of things. Learning to live with that fact is an important part of being a person, not just in this experience. I do grieve it. If I had a choice, I'd choose to have my unaltered voice--but I don't feel a lot of angst about that impossible desire. I also wish I could fly and breathe underwater and teleport, without feeling any life-altering angst that I can't. I am old enough that I don't have any recordings of my voice from before. That's sad to me now. I wish I could hear her again. Learning to live with grief is not easy, but it connects you to everyone else who is grieving.

Five, I now have the benefit of having lived to middle age, and have the experience of my body as an everlastingly changing being. The way I learned to think about bodies was so misleading--you hear about body changes at puberty and old age. But really bodies just change all through their lives, it's all they do! So there is a context of change to place it in. The less I feel shame or self-judgment about having transitioned, the less loaded this one change feels, as one change among many.

Six, It seems to me that when I started to metaphorically raise my voice, I became less distressed about how my physical voice sounds.

I'm sure there's more but this is what I'm thinking of now.

Your mileage may vary, what you need may be very different from what I needed. But I believe that whatever your story is, there is a way for you to come to acceptance, too.