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Addicted to red herrings

@derinthescarletpescatarian / derinthescarletpescatarian.tumblr.com

I write about snarky teenagers making bad decisions and colonists trapped in deep space making better ones. You can find my stories on derinstories.com . On Tumblr, I mostly procrastinate.

Hi, I’m Derin! I write things.

If you want to read a web serial about teenagers in a magical school making terrible decisions, one about adults in a broken spaceship making slightly better decisions, or one of my short stories described by readers with such lovely reactions as “what the fuck Derin,” “I think there is something very wrong with you,” and “I am never going to be the same again,” you can find them on my website here.

If you want chapter updates, ebooks, a randomly generated drink or sandwich from my friend’s robot, or just to hang out and chat, my discord is here.

If you want access to bonus materials and story voting rights, my patreon is here.

i wasn't bothered by the spaghetti image that much at first. live and let live, y'know? but then i saw it so many times on my dash that i felt ill. and i would like cringe as i scrolled bc i knew it was gonna show up again. my apologies for being a hater but dude. i think i'm gonna have a nightmare.

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It's literally just a bowl of spaghetti I don't

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Italy has declared you a war criminal

I wasn't aware I was at war with Italy

You started it with that spaghetti

I need you to know that I would absolutely follow your spaghetti sauce recipe and probably even enjoy it but also that picture does look horrendous

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That's not the fault of the sauce, it's the fault of my photography

i wasn't bothered by the spaghetti image that much at first. live and let live, y'know? but then i saw it so many times on my dash that i felt ill. and i would like cringe as i scrolled bc i knew it was gonna show up again. my apologies for being a hater but dude. i think i'm gonna have a nightmare.

Avatar

It's literally just a bowl of spaghetti I don't

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Italy has declared you a war criminal

I wasn't aware I was at war with Italy

One time I tried making carbonara but I didn’t have spaghetti noodles so I used boil in a bag penne and I added a strip of bacon and some frozen asparagus and I wasn’t really able to stop the egg from scrambling so it ended up being chunky pasta surprise… honestly I would love to try your spaghetti it looks kinda good

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Yeah! Pasta is an adventure!

People keep breaking through Tatiseigi's nice hedge and demanding to talk to people who aren't Tatiseigi

Rude honestly

Derin. if I could eat the ingredients in the spaghetti sauce, I would make your infamous sauce. Unfortunately I don't like the texture of peas or corn and would probably throw up if I ate either one of them. However, I thought this was funny and it keeps showing up on my dash so I wanted to join the fun. And I can't cook for shit anyways. Have a nice day

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Thank you my sauce is great

I'm sorry Dr Shugart are you saying you missed out on a highly influential diplomatic appointment on the space station because you unwisely went skiing and broke a bunch or ribs right before the emergency, and then FURTHER BROKE YOUR LEG, AT THE HOSPITAL WHERE YOUR RIBS WERE BEING TREATED, BY FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS?

Honestly yeah that checks out as skilled academic behaviour

Skiing? Do I strike you as someone who gets that kind of exercise?

no i meant breaking your leg at the hospital while being treated for something else, i know if you attempted to ski you would die instantly.

Accurate read on me on both counts

I've heard about that, and I mean it's a comforting idea, but it sounds kinda transmed-ish? Like, even if that is true, I feel like championing that would lead to the exclusion of nonbinary people and such, not to mention the idea that being trans is something you can test for. I don't think we should trade one biological essentialism for another... Everyone should just be free to be who they're comfortable with.

That make sense

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I’ll never understand why anthropomorphic animal cartoons like Robin Hood and Zootopia will go to the trouble of creating character designs that are meant to be understood as “attractive” or even “sexy” to the human audience but explicitly avoid showing interspecies romances between anthropomorphic animals. Why is THAT weird but, like, trying to make rabbits recognizably sexy-coded to humans isn’t?

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Sometimes, sure, but why was Maid Marian a fox in Robin Hood? There wasn’t anything particularly “foxlike” about her personality, and it would make more sense for her to be a lion. They made her a fox only because Robin was a fox and making her something else would be “weird”, but I don’t think the wolf cop or the chicken maid or the lion prince were actually meant to represent race.

The best inter species couple is Kermit and Miss Piggy as the Cratchits in A Muppet Christmas Carol, because all their sons are frogs and all their daughters are pigs, as God clearly intended.

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there are only two genders: frog and pig

I’ve pointed out to my friends that the fact that Kermit and Miss Piggy’s kids are like that means either

1) they reproduce asexually and the children are clones of each parent OR

2) Kermit and Miss Piggy are members of the same sexually dimorphic species, hence the split between their male and female children

yes I have spent too long running about potential muppet biology

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oh god

Third option, when they want kids they get some fabric and make one, and hope a Hand inhabits it

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Do you think there’s a ritual for inviting An Inhabiting Hand to possess the empty husk of your muppet baby?

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Just wanted to show u guys that in Muppets Most Wanted, Piggy fantasizes about her and Kermit having babies and this is what they look like

So do with that what you will

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Recall that in The Great Muppet Caper, Kermit and Fozzie are brothers. And this was their dad (right):

Thank you for specifying, which one of the two individuals in the picture was the dad haha

I, for one, think Shrek handled interspecies coupling the best. By this I am of course talking about the Dronkeys.

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In season 3 of BoJack Horseman, we learn Diane (middle) has been impregnated by Mr. Peanutbutter (left). The fetuses are confirmed to be puppies.

This is the worst addition to this post

I am reminded of Treasure Planet.

In which Captain Amelia (left), an extra terrestrial anthropomorphic cat, had hybrid babies with Doctor Doppler (middle), an extra terrestrial anthropomorphic dog, whom also gave birth to the babies

I always thought that in muppet movies like muppet Christmas Carol the characters are played by the muppets (so kermit is acting and playing the role of Bob rather than being him) so the kids in that film would just be other acting muppets right?

Or is that just something my brain made up?

ridiculouslyphotogenicsinosauru

Last time I saw this post (YESTERDAY) it stopped at the second Eggman

Last time I saw this

post (YESTERDAY) it stopped at

the second Eggman

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

anyone in this thread smoke weed

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In Leo the Lion (2005) a lion and elephant have the most cursed hybrid children and I think yall should see them

(also Matt Mercer voices the villain, Maximus Elefante and I think that’s very important)

I think that what they are talking about is perfectly clear.

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Image

Amogus

World Heritage Post

I'm sorry Dr Shugart are you saying you missed out on a highly influential diplomatic appointment on the space station because you unwisely went skiing and broke a bunch or ribs right before the emergency, and then FURTHER BROKE YOUR LEG, AT THE HOSPITAL WHERE YOUR RIBS WERE BEING TREATED, BY FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS?

Honestly yeah that checks out as skilled academic behaviour

Skiing? Do I strike you as someone who gets that kind of exercise?

My opinion on the spaghetti (aside from if it doesn't have mince with it what is even the point) is that 1. Yeah you should've fried the onions a bit first, and 2. Where the fuck's the GARLIC? If there isn't garlic in your spaghetti it's not spag-y enough

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I sometimes glop a couple of big spoons of minced garlic in if I remember I have it. I did forget last night though.

i wasn't bothered by the spaghetti image that much at first. live and let live, y'know? but then i saw it so many times on my dash that i felt ill. and i would like cringe as i scrolled bc i knew it was gonna show up again. my apologies for being a hater but dude. i think i'm gonna have a nightmare.

Avatar

It's literally just a bowl of spaghetti I don't