depression, obession, confessions

I’m so fucking tired of loving so hard,

just to be left feeling like your last thought, if I even make that.

I give my all to you,

just to be given heartaches, trust issues, and anxiety.

I used to feel like one of a kind with you,

now I feel like one of your multiple choices.

I used to feel beautiful standing next to you,

now I can’t even look in a mirror because of you.

I used to feel whole again because of you,

now there’s nothing left because of you.

I don’t embrace my body anymore bc you made me feel imperfect.

I don’t have a real smile anymore bc you caused me so much pain.

I have trust issues bc you’ve lied to me too many times.

I’m afraid to be happy because every time I am, you hurt me.

You made me so self conscious, I feel nauseous going out in public with you.

I cry myself to sleep everyday bc you hurt me so many times.

I don’t have any strength left to fight.

You prove to me everyday how easy it is for you to be without me when I’m killing myself everyday just to be with you cause my love for you is so strong.

I fought for everything. I fought for us because I believed we could be the happiest couple in the world. So happy, it makes other people jealous. It makes other people wish they had what we had.

You never once fought for me. You just said a few words and I crumbled and gave in.

You know how easy it is for me to give in no matter how much you treat me like shit. No matter how much you hurt me, I stay.

You know you can get away with anything and I’d still be here. Loving you, supporting you, making sure you’re taken care of while I’m suffocating in hurt, anger, and sadness.

it’s hard to listen to the twilight books, specifically new moon when Edward leaves because I understand her pain and the hurt of him leaving. The numbness that swallows you when the person you love leaves.. when they start acting different toward you… the coldness that starts but you pretend not to notice so you don’t hurt… the way they act different up to when they finally have the courage to leave you..