i love saying "get off my dick" even though i don't have one
i don't have a dick but you're still determined to ride it
me showing the doctor where to amputate my leg as i ready the tourniquet
there needs to be an easier way to convey the idea of "it's absolutely fine that you don't like this thing I like, and I don't even necessarily disagree with your reasons for disliking it, but I am sick to death of hearing your negative opinions about it."
peachypiemlp
I can't talk right now I'm doing hot girl shit
*adds dolls to my amazon wishlist*
Do you know how hard it is to live with a cat that has the intelligence level of literally like a 3 year old but the pure chaos of a high ranking demon?
He’s learned to open the lazy Susan and won’t stop clawing open the flour and rolling in it like a little chinchilla
Criminal charges
Hey hey hey HEY
He’s been CRAWLING INTO THE BOTTOM CABINETS to TEAR OPEN THE INSTANT POTATOES and EAT BAGS AND BAGS OF THEM I’m livid but also impressed.
Do you have anything with that kind of texture that he can safely play with? This sounds like an understimulation issue.
He’s not playing with it
He’s eating it.
I can tell because the bags are nearly empty except for a few small clumps.
I knew he loves mashed potatoes. I just didn’t know the extent he’d go to to get them.
We had him tested and in the course of that vet visit he stole
6 tips
3 of the ear light cover things
Our other cats collar
the ear bud of the vets stethoscope 
several hearts
a plastic glove
the vet techs hair tie
Also yeah he’s fine he just likes to steal
Not guilty by reason of deficiency of other people’s stuff
This is his ledge
His ledge is taller then my husband who is 6’2”
I am 5’5”
I have to get the step ladder out once a week and see what Orange Sherbert has taken to his ledge for safe keeping. It’s usually the remote.
funnytwittertweets
yasferatu-deactivated20220102
Me immediately after getting the Claire's vaccine
that-fine-ass-bitch
Okay why is nobody talking about that last part… Nevermind I figured it out
Don’t worry, they closed after 6 months because there were protests outside the store and people refused to eat there.
The Killers: I’m coming out of my cage and…
Me:
cheesuscrustmylordandsavor
JEALOUSYYYY
OPEN UP MY EAGER EYES
hunnybadgur
CAUSE IM MR BRIGHTSIDEEEEEEEEE
It got so much better lmao
Source: Spotify
