Last night, before bed, my brain decided it would be fun to write a scene in which I interact with my D&D character. So I guess I’ll figure out what kind of commoner I would be in the game, and then write a scene in which I interact with the character I play every week.

I think it will be fun, and now I’ve decided random people on Tumblr should also do this.

The only downside is that anyone who reads my scene will discover how NOT COOL my character is.

Major Monogram's Job was Not Terrible

On the rare occasions people found out what Major Monogram did for a living, they often assumed his job was difficult because it must be “like herding cats.” He originally thought this comparison was inadequate, as many of his agents were both more dangerous and more difficult than he imagined cats to be; also, the consequences of failure when herding cats were considerably less. The addition of cat agents began to change his mind, perhaps the simile was more apt than he originally assumed. 

Other people flat out belittled both him and his line of work. Why did no one trust him with human agents? That was a common question his doubters asked. Do they clean out their own litter boxes? An equally common question. Some called him Noah or Doctor Dolittle to his face. However, over time, the Major came to realize his “completely unglamorous job working with those stupid animal agents of yours” was both important and surprisingly fun. Perhaps not as fun as being a gymnast, but decidedly fulfilling and enjoyable.

Although he would not readily admit it, Major Monogram knew the turning point in his opinion of the O.W.C.A. was the unexpected result of his attempt to requisition some muscle to work security in the building. Instead of a bodybuilder, a gunslinger, or a martial artist, he found himself working with Carl Karl, the unpaid intern who knew everything about computers and nothing about fighting. Apparently, some of the agents had been complaining about the poor quality of their mission briefings, while others thought their computer system was capable of more than games of Minesweeper and collecting spam e-mails, which resulted in Carl being assigned.

Kingdom Tales

This is my entry for the first prompt in the Stars in Our Mind writing contest. The prompt can be found here.

My entry is about 90% original stuff I made up, and 10% from the world of the video game Yu-Gi-Oh: The Falsebound Kingdom. (I was trying to imitate the old-fashioned writing style found in the Sherlock Holmes stories.)

@kataraseye (Sorry, I should have told you I intended to post here on Tumblr sooner. Also, sorry for posting this on the deadline.)

And now...my story! ____________________________

Over the years, my readers have sent many letters to my publisher, oftentimes with questions for me about my adventures in the Kingdom. Of these questions, the most common is to inquire as to the method by which my companions and I returned to these United States. After much consideration, I have concluded there would be no harm in answering such a query, so I now lay before you an account of my last night in the world of Kingdom.

Not long after we celebrated our first year in the curious land called Kingdom, we found ourselves in the fortress city of Rhuninn-Grahd, which housed the pioneer’s merchant office. By this point, my employer, Mrs. Smith, was quite the celebrity, and the merchant’s guild was more than happy to provide us with all the food and drink we could consume.

After drinking slightly more alcohol than my good Christian mother would approve of, I collected a variety of foodstuffs and headed for the roof of the merchant’s office. As expected, I found Mrs. Smith using a crate as a makeshift desk. Her clothing was a mixture of patched clothing from our world and newer pieces from this one. Once, I would have thought it strange to see a woman wearing a long tunic and trousers, with her corset loosely laced over top of her clothing, but Mrs. Smith had been forced to slowly amend her attire as the rigors of the battlefield tore away at her fine New York clothing. What remained of her skirt had been fashioned into a cloak, which was loosely tied about her shoulders. Indeed, the only aspect which remained largely unchanged was her hair, which was pinned up in the same simple style she had worn on the day she hired me back in Ohio.