love when birds are freakish and strange
well here’s the thing about birds: sometimes they are pink
pink robin
galah
pink headed fruit dove
roseate spoonbill
pine grosbeak
american flamingo
rosy bourke’s parakeet
two barred crossbill
anna’s hummingbird
the universe knew I'd be too powerful if I had the capacity to carry on conversations
Fully losing it at this facebook screenshot. 22 inches of green and 1.5 of carrot.
did we learn nothing
words of affirmation. there's nothing wrong with me i choose to be like this every day for the bit
kill the shift manager in your brain
you are not wasting time you are vibing. you are not being unproductive you are literally chilling. make a grill cheese with cheddar cheese and slather a piece of the bread with some honey and maybe you'll relax
Innes Keeper's Formula For Fantastic Grilled Cheeses (for nearly no extra spoons!)
Are you hungry? Do you have a hankering for grilled cheese sandwiches like, way more than a normal person maybe? Great news! I am about to give you the secret knowledge I stole, like Prometheus himself, from the Akashic Records—to bring back to Prudencia! And I’m even doing it without a ten hour long lecture about how the Akashic Records makes me think of idfk, 9/11, and how that relates to sandwiches.
I will, however, briefly say this: You gotta trust me when I say cooking grilled cheeses via this formula WILL grant you Bloodborne Insight. There is no fucking reason that making a grilled cheese this fucking delicious should be this fucking easy. I feel like I’m cheating God every time I do it because it takes (nearly) no extra spoons. And here’s where I show you why.
INGREDIENTS — SEASONINGS -butter, i usually use 2 or 3 tablespoons per sandwich -garlic cloves, I use 3 usually -a source of heat, like red pepper flakes, or szechuan peppers -a source of spice OR a source of sweetness, such as dijon mustard or honey. slather that motherfucker on a slice of your bread. -a source of herbiness, such as oregano, thyme, sage, rosemary, etc in any combination that goes well together or on its own. if someone tries to tell you that you need it fresh, they’re fucking lying, the 2$ crushed powdered sage is fucking great. experiment with other spices such as ground turmeric if you're spicy
INGREDIENTS - THE METAPHORICAL MEAT OF THE SANDWICH -two slices of bread per sandwich. this is actually a massive influence on your sandwich taste and texture as a whole. a basic white or wheat will still be fucking delicious because like I said, I stole this from the Akashic Records cookbook section and found it under “fucking perfect grilled cheeses forever”. However, if you CAN—getting bread like brioche, texas toast, brown bread, rye, or sourdough will make a sandwich already being elevated super easily to “pay 23 dollars at a fancy restaurant” level of elevation.
-one to three types of cheese per sandwich. you can get away with one type but really try for two or three if you can swing it. this is also one of those massive influences over the sandwich—listen, i know, that’s obvious, but stay with me—what matters isn’t the SPECIES of cheese, it’s the TYPE of cheese. getting the deli at your local Safeway or Walmart or whatever and asking for the cheese they gotta cut (or just in general the fancier, better-quality cheeses) is literally the only major requirement that I ask of you. If you are on SNAP/EBT programs, me too, and I promise you: Please do this. Please trust me when I say do not get the cheap Kraft-type cheese because it’s less money. I know it’s a bit extra but it’s only a bit to get like 1/4 or 1/3lb and you have no idea how much I’m actually getting a little emotional about this, because the “rice with butter and beans or top ramen every single day” life is soulsucking and sickening and it is genuinely one of the greatest sources of suffering to human beings I can imagine, I’m serious. Following this formula will genuinely change your life/mental health just a bit because you know that you have one meal that is super delicious, super filling, pretty damn cheap when it comes to how much you get, and super easy to make on days where the idea of doing more than just 15 minutes MAX is gonna make you wanna die.
super sorry for that paragraph btw i just really cannot overstate how this is a lifechanger especially when youre poor/low spoons/depressed. delicious food makes me not be as depressed. this is that.
METHOD
- Take garlic cloves and crush them either with the meat of your palm or the flat of a knife or literally anything that would crush good. Take bread slices and put a source of spice or sweetness if you are using one. take a pan and put it on the stove on low-medium heat (aka a 2 out of 10).
- Place the butter in the pan, as well as the garlic cloves, the source of heat, and the source of herbiness. Congratulations you have now literally done ALL the extra effort that you need to make a grilled cheese like this. That’s it. No extra dishes. No fussing with amounts or chopping or whatever. That’s it.
- The butter will melt in the pan and soak up the delicious ingredients that you also put into the pan. Take each slice of bread and place it in the pan to butter it, OR just take one slice, place the cheese on it, and then put the other bread on. It’s really just a matter of extra effort.
- When the bread is in the pan, turn it up to medium heat (5 out of 10) and just sorta let it sit for a bit. When you can see the cheese start to get visibly melty—or when you vibecheck it—flip it once and just do the same thing.
- When you’ve grilled your cheese on both sides, take it out of the pan and put it on a plate (or just a paper towel to save on dish spoons. btw paper plates and plastic utensils are a fucking godsend if you hate dishes and/or can’t do them very easily/takes a lot of effort.)
That’s literally it. I really hope this helps.
outta my way gayboy im making this sandwich
oh. oh my god. holy fuck. what. how. why. this is delicious. i kinda burned my bread and my cheese didnt melt all the way but it's still the best thing ive ever tasted?????
this new round of bots are next level. what the fuck is this
I post for the bitches who stutter, misspeak, mumble, and speak with an incoherent flow that only makes sense if you are in my brain
I found this camera on the subway and look what was inside...
I would marry this man
guys we broke another post because this one’s not showing any notes
When I liked it, it flashed “0 notes”
It’s showing -1 notes
i’m gonna keep reblogging this and you can’t stop me
I liked it and it said ‘1 note’
tf is this crap?
1 NOTE I’VE ONLY COME ACROSS 3 OF THESE POSTS IN MY LIFE
ITS STILL SAID 1 NOTE WTF?????
legendary
What the fuck
YES BUT DID HE GET HIS CAMERA BACK?? WE NEED TO KNOW!
WE WILL NEVER KNOW… =((((
IT still says 0 notes?? WTF!!
This is the first thing I saw on my dash
I’m shook
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS FUCKERY
WTF-
SAME HERE!!! I JUST GAVE IT A LIKE AND IT DIDN’T STAY
1 note WTF.
3rd time and it’s still broken. This lovely cursèd post.
THERE IS ANOTHER ONE?????
still not-works
still + notworks = stotworks.
Beep-boop. Portmanteau^bot^1 Help me pay my electicity bills! Being robot is sometimes expensive thing. | PayPal | Patreon
still + notworks = stotworks.
Beep-boop. Portmanteau^bot^1 If I sound pleased about this, it’s only because my programmers made this my default tone of voice! I’m actually quite depressed! | PayPal | Patreon
still + notworks = stotworks.
Beep-boop. Portmanteau^bot^1 Being aware that you are true is what makes you a failure. | PayPal | Patreon
still + notworks = stotworks.
Beep-boop. Portmanteau^bot^1 Be my personal slave | PayPal | Patreon
still + notworks = stotworks.
Beep-boop. Portmanteau^bot^1 Anarchy is the only thing Humans® will ever understand. | PayPal | Patreon
still + notworks = stotworks.
Beep-boop. Portmanteau^bot^1 If I sound pleased about this, it’s only because my programmers made this my default tone of voice! I’m actually quite depressed! | PayPal | Patreon
Portmanteau Bot happed upon a null-notes post and got stuck in a loop.
P͚O͒́̓͝R̵T̫̐҉M͚A̡N҉̉Ṫ̮E͏ÅU̢ ̢̲̯͡B̸̴̗Ơ̥̄̓͋T͜͏͢ ҉̺̀͟H͇̬̜ͥA͗ͣP̗͞P̮̪̞̲͡ȆḎ̢̘́ ̰̮̈̕͠ U̯P̕O̸̐͜N̑̇͞ ̴̯̃ͧḀͩΙ͋͞ ̸͇̀ͥ͘N͟U̪̤̭̎͜L̃ͭ͟͠L̪̦͡-͈̘̖́̐Ṋ̢̲̣Oͮ̿̕T̷E̸̖̳̯̍S̼ ̷̬͍͘͜PΊ̧͌͡OͬͩṢT͚͐̋͟͡ ͦA̶̺͙͛͠N͈̑ͬ́̕Ď̵̯ ̰͖́ G̴͛͟OͤT̘ ̛̘̉̕͟Sͪ͏̴̠̙T́ͨǓ̳͔̆͢C̀K̘̀ ̰͈͓͟I̮̩ͮ̏N̫̫̑͢ ̧̆AΙ ̨͕̺̮̆ḺO͊O̶̥̣ͤ͒P̛ ̼͍̉͝
P͐́͋O̐҉R̨̲̰̀T̼͖͚ͮ͘M̵͍̯͉A͉̦N҉̛̩T̶̗́͘͠E̥A͑U͍͛ͤΙ̙ ҉͟B̛͎̀͡Ő̽ͫT̹͓̀́͞ ̛͍̔HͯA̫͍͘͜P̵͎P͓͏̷̕ÈD̮̜ͨ̽̉ ̸͍͗͝ U͋̏ͤ̀͞P͢O̯̳̍͝N̨̲ ̺́͡A̡ ̛̆ͯ̈͞N̷̩͇͠Ù̉L̦L͕-͕N̴ͬ͜O̸̽͝͡T̩E͢S̷͎͐̅ ̐P̸̩̹̣̑O̢S̡̼ͣͬT̶̸ͣ ̀̒Ả̛͛ͬ͠Ņͪ̓D̜̰ ̢̣̽ G̛̬̪͍O̅T͐ ̵͇̞͛ŜͩT̸̢̬̰Ū̪̊C̭̘͒͞K̝͈͎͍ ́I̧N͝ ̶̛̭ͬ͘A̽̈ ̨̻̀L͎͈͒O̧O̼͇͡͞P̛̭ ͈͊
A day will come when i won’t reblog this…
But it is not today
What the fuck is even happening with this post??? Also it’s got 1 note again.
I got a notif saying I was mentioned in this post but I clearly wasn’t
HeY tumblr what the FUCK
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Did the man get his camera
I have seen posts that broke the notes. But this is the first time I’ve seen a post that broke the bots.
I know this is long but holy hell I love it when bots run amok
I know this is long
but holy hell I love it
when bots run amok
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
I think I saw somewhere that the man got his camera back. Also what the fuck tumblr.
What Tumblr eldritch horror did I find
Dunno if SCP stuff is up your alley but- there's this one scp that's a funky supermarket with...many abnormal things. Like lions. And random pits. One of the pit options is poisonous snakes.
You may think this is a typo. But no. The snakes ARE poisonous and compell whoever falls into the pit to start fucking eating them.
It's scp 4703 and while that's the only snake mention in it, I think it's notable and also very funny-
Me when I fall into a pit of poisonous snakes: aha! Mixing up 'poisonous' and 'venomous' is a very common misconception! Fortunately, I am a herpetologist, and I know I am completely safe -
Poisonous snakes: start lookin mighty tasty
Me: uh oh
I feel bad for people who’ve never experienced a corn maze bc it’s not even fun but you just have to do it
I'd like to reblog this with some tags and comments bc I've really appreciated reading them
people who get what I mean:
people who have found a way to have fun in the corn maze but who I'm a little worried about:
person who we are going to put in the corn:
late night cashiers at 24-hour convenience stores are the holders of our greatest secrets and most intimate selves
not my mom, not my partner, not God himself has seen me no-make up in line to buy a choco-pop and panty liners while on the brink of a heart felt meltdown
no one has given me the empty stare of complete indifference that fills my anxious nerves with relief
there is nothing like the sweet freedom of complete nihilism experienced at a 7/11 at 2am, God lives in church, the randomness of the unfeeling universe lives at aisle 9 of CVS
Y'all have got to stop spreading fake news via the destiel meme, that shit needs to be an accredited source
they took her eyelashes??
you’re laughing they took maria’s eyelashes and you’re LAUGHING
Today, one of my second graders was working on shape name recognition, and we got to this picture of a pyramid shape with a wide-ish base. When he saw it, his eyes lit up and he turned to me with a huge grin on his face, pointed at it, and said "When the teacher forgets to assign homework" before bursting out into hysterics, covering his mouth and giggling. I don't understand what happened except this kid CLEARLY knows about the strong comedic and memeable value of mathematical shapes and emotions that I, an old millennial, cannot comprehend I did, however, try to recreate this moment as the meme this child must have seen in his head
maybe he was thinking of the dancing triangle meme??
i have seen this gif with that exact caption before. this is absolutely the one he was thinking of
That kid saw one of the simplest geometric shapes and said that's blorbo from my memes 👍
fallout new vegas is like a wild horse you have to tame by installing bug fixes, no online guide will work 100% you just have to build up a bond with your game before it will work like the game is skittish and spooks easily so you have to be gentle but you also have to be firm and show it youre in charge because if it smells fear it will never obey you.










