Violet Beauregarde should‘ve won Wonka’s chocolate factory

Have I watched the movie in the last decade or more? No. Do I have iron clad evidence to support my argument? Yes.

1. She’s the most knowledgeable about candy. She’s committed to it, and knows her stuff. When Wonka holds up a little yellow piece across the room, she recognizes it immediately. She was able to switch to candy bars for the sake of the contest, so we know she has personal discipline and is goal oriented. Also, two major projects play directly into her strong suits: the 3-course-meal gum that Wonka failed to make safe (gum) and the neverending gobstopper (longevity).

2. She’s the most fit to run a business. Violet is competitive, determined, hard working, and willing to take risks. Her father is a small town car salesman and politician, so she could easily pick up knowledge and support from him. (Veruca’s dad is also a business man, and in a compatible market (nuts), but it’s made very clear that Veruca has no respect or knowledge of business practices or hard work.)

3. She’s the most sympathetic to the Oompa Loompas. She critiques Veruca when Veruca demands to buy one. More importantly, Wonka has been testing the 3-course-meal gum that ‘always goes wrong’ on Oompa Loompas while he presumably just watches. Violet is ready to put herself on the front line, instead of treating the Oompa Loompas as disposable, and would therefore be a better boss.

4. Her personality ‘flaw’ is the most fitting for the company. In the moralizing Oompa Loompa song, they just say ‘gum is pretty cool, but it’s not socially acceptable to chew it all day‘. The thing is, we already know that she can stop if she wants, because she already did that to win the golden ticket. And yeah, she is defensive about the perceived impoliteness of her hobby (like when her mother tries to shame her about her habit during a televised interview) but the obsession with candy and neglect of social norms is EXACTLY what Wonka is all about. This is on brand.

5. Her misstep in the factory is reasonable. Wonka shows everyone a candy he’s very proud of. Violet is like “oh sick, that’s gum, my special interest.” Wonka then pulls a “WRONG! It’s amazing gum!” In the very moments before she takes the gum Wonka has mislead her just to belittle her. So when he’s like “I wouldn’t do that” why should she give a shit what he has to say? She’s not like Charlie over here who’s all “Sure Gramps, let’s stay behind while the tour leaves and secretly drink this thing that has been explicitly stated to fill you with gas and is too powerful for safe consumption, oh and also I just saw what happened to Violet so I actually KNOW what this stuff can be capable of” Also, Violet is not selfish about her experience, she tells everyone what she’s tasting and feeling, and everyone is eager to hear it. Taking a personal risk to share knowledge with everyone. Violet is Prometheus: fact.

So Augustus contaminates the chocolate river. Charlie sneaks around and contaminates the vent walls. Veruca destroys and disrupts the workspace. Mike knows exactly what will happen to him and transports/shrinks himself deliberately. Violet had no idea what the gum could potentially do to her, and caused no harm to anyone or anything but herself.

Lastly: Can you imagine Charlie filling Wonka’s shoes? That passive, naive boy? Violet is already basically Wonka. She’s passionate, sarcastic, candy-obsessed, free thinking, and a total firecracker. She’s even better than Wonka, because she doesn’t endanger others.

Violet should’ve been picked to inherit the chocolate factory.

RB for the largest sample size this site has ever seen

SOUND ON. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE

SOUND ON. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE

Why they give him bisexual lighting

Uuhhhh…. Let me be clear. Uhhhhhhh… we must kiss boys and girls uhhhhh… while also bombing children in Syria

I love the people in the notes going 'uhm actually he was German' because it's made fairly clear by other points in the post that it's not referring to Marx (Marx didn't write about monopoly-capitalism forming into imperialism, and Marx wrote closer to 200 years ago than 100) to the point that, in as much of a Gotcha as it is, it implies they themselves've never read Marx, let alone Lenin.

Everyone- eat the rich! everyone on the Titan was a self entitled rich person (except that poor kid rip)! They shouldn’t have exploited the victims of the Titanic!

News sources everywhere-

Why do I keep seeing James Cameron all over my news (I know these are both Insider, but I have been seeing James Cameron in the news for days from several different outlets, I’m just lazy) Listen, I know he did the time and made the movie but how is he any different? Rich white guy? Profited off of the exploitation of the tragedy of the Titanic? Self entitled expert? Bleh I’m over seeing his crusty wannabe Saruman face all over my phone. Go back to the Avatar movies and think about what you’ve done.

Image descriptions- two news articles, one titled “James Cameron estimates he’s spent more time with the Titanic than the ship’s actual captain after 33 voyages to the wreckage” and “The Titan sub was likely trying to surface and the passengers probably knew the hull was starting to crack before it imploded, James Cameron says.”

A news article titled James Cameron on Titanic Submarine Loss: “Struck by the Similarity of the Titanic Disaster Itself” and a lovely hands rubbing meme with the text “James Cameron eyeballing the opportunity he never thought would come: Titanic 2”

...I'm writing this under the assumption that you don't know any better, because hoo boy is this a bad take

James Cameron legitimately numbers among the small handful of people most qualified to talk about the Titan disaster. The reason why is because being a filmmaker is almost a side project compared to his very real contributions to submersible design, oceanography, and undersea exploration. Cameron has spent decades in the field of undersea science and submarine engineering. He co-designed a submersible called Deepsea Challenger which he personally took to the Challenger Deep, the lowest point of the Marianas Trench and the lowest point on Earth, alone; the first and to date only person to have ever done so solo. His hyperfixation is not the Titanic, it's submersible engineering and undersea exploration in general. Here's him being presented the Nierenberg Prize (for contributions to oceanography) in 2013:

Note that in the above interview he literally says that he made Titanic essentially just to get the funding to go to the wreck site (and to have the funding to continue to do so decades onward). He's made 33 dives to the wreck of the Titanic.

The reason why he appears in the news is not because he wants to talk about the disaster. It's got little to nothing to do with him having made Titanic (though that is tangentially related). It's because everyone knows that he is an actual, legitimate expert on the issue of submersible engineering (as well as both diving and diving to the Titanic wreck in particular), and so they bombarded him with interview requests and requests for comment. He specifically did not respond to any such requests until after the deaths of the passengers had been confirmed, because he knew that the sub had imploded and they were all dead, and he didn't want to be insensitive and drown everyone's hopes by telling everyone that the search and rescue was pointless. Here's him on ABC News next to his friend and associate Dr. Bob Ballad, the man who discovered the wreck of the Titanic, who is probably the only other person more qualified than Cameron to talk about the recent disaster:

TL;DR: James Cameron is not being interviewed because "he made Titanic"; he's being interviewed because he's a well-known and verifiable submersible engineering and undersea expert.

Small reminder for my Texas/southwest peope. Going to be expecially nasty next week. Stay hydrated, stay cool, keep an eye on your neighbors.

Popping this back up, since it’s getting hot here, and won’t get any cooler ‘til October.  Stay hydrated, friends!

Reminder: extreme heat is the biggest climate related killer. It’s only getting worse and worse. Look out for one another

Scorched Earth: Beyond the Digital Age to a Post-Capitalist World Jonathan Crary

girls go to college to get a degree in a program that they were once excited for but have since had all the enjoyment sucked out of it and is no longer a baseline requirement in an increasingly competitive and demanding workforce

and boys go to jupiter to get on the compupiter

actually girls go to venus to get a bigger peanus

In the future, children will think our ways are strange. "Why do old people always grow so much milkweed in their gardens?" they'll say. "Why do old people always write down when the first bees and butterflies show up? Why do old people hate lawn grass so much? Why do old people like to sit outside and watch bees?"

We will try to explain to them that when we were young, most people's yards were almost entirely short grass with barely any flowers at all, and it was so commonplace to spray poisons to kill insects and weeds that it was feared monarch butterflies and American bumblebees would soon go extinct. We will show them pictures of sidewalks, shops, and houses surrounded by empty grass without any flowers or vegetables and they will stare at them like we stared at pictures of grimy children working in coal mines

jesse pinkman has to take a month off of cooking meth because an orphaned gosling has imprinted on him as its new mother. Episode cross-cuts between Walter fuming about his inefficient lab setup and Jesse struggling to care for a baby bird

I don’t like the placement of these articles

If you've ever wanted to feel like you belong to a secret society, with the conspiratorial plans and the covert meetings and the knowing glances at the other people who part of it and all, consider trying to unionize your workplace.

You'll see a flyer in the break room and go to a meeting at a union hall and you'll be like, hm, I didn't expect to see that person here, but there they are, and then you'll see them at work the next day, and you won't say anything, but you'll both know. You'll know.

And then comes the day when you throw off the veil of secrecy and wear the signs of your order openly! Let everyone heed the call! A new day is coming, and the old powers will be overthrown!

And then you win.

me @ demons: it’s free real estate 

NO BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND

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You’re right I don’t

me while crossing the road

For those non-USA non-southerners who may be wondering what the hell is going on in that Cracker Barrel tweet

Lies and disinformation. Cracker Barrel is indeed a US chain, but not relegated to the South alone. Furthermore,

Moomoo Milk

iconic!

this is the plot to mama mia

These wonderful people have a single braincell to share but unfortunately none of them are using it