let’s talk about bonzo. fucking asshole shit face bonzo, can’t even buy his own motherfucking house bonzo, lunchbox in comic sans frankly embarrassing goddamn blobby knockoff bonzo. i REFUSE to call that waste of space “mister” because he is undeserving of my time and respect. He’s a freak and gets paid to murder people, LIKE WORKS FOR THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT OF THE UNITED KINGDOM and he STILL lives with Nigel Dickface. From the moment I had to see his ugly ass yellow eggplant-for-a-nose face during the ARG i knew he was a piece of shit and guess what? time and time again i am proven right. If I ever have to hear him and his jaundiced ass again i am going to end the episode, unsubscribe from protocol, delete spotify, and scream. I want him to die a death where he is ground up Mikaele Salesa style, or maybe has each of his stupid motherfucking orange spots popped one by one. Do not come to me with your defenses for this sickly excuse for a creature. I don’t care whether he is a bear or a twink or a twunk he is BONZO he is SHIT and i HATE HIM. Stupid cocky asshole has a goddman theme song with children singing about him WHERE DID THOSE CHILDREN FUCKING COME FROM he is ugly and i haet him. fucking illiterate piece of televised garbage i hope nigel dickenass wakes up in a cold sweat every night because he created such an abhorrent monstrosity. i hope he knows it lives in his stupid fucking house wearing a stupid fucking fedora and i hope idiot loser bonzo kills him and then kills itself. i would celebrate his death every year with a cupcake that says I HATE FUCKING BONZO.

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING MR BONZO GODDAMN DISGUSTING PIECE OF VILE SWEATY SAGGY RUBBERY PUFFY SKIN COQUETTISH POSH BASTARD BIGGEST CLOWN WORST MASCOT SHITTEST COLOUR SCHEME HORRIBLE SHAPE MOTHERFUCKING MR BONZO IF HE CAME FOR ME I WOULD MUTALISE MYSELF SO HE DOESN'T GET THE SATISFACTION I WOULD DISSOLVE MYSELF IN ACID OR FEED MYSELF TO THE OCEAN SO I DON'T HAVE TO DIE BY HIS HANDS IF HE CAME FOR ME I WOULD BREAK HIM WITH MY BARE HANDS I WOULD RIP HIS RUBBERY SKIN APART AND HIS SKIN WOULD BURST LIKE THE WORST KIND OF WATER BALLOON I WOULD BECOME MORE OF A MONSTER THAN HIM IF IT MEANS KILLING HIM MOTHERFUCKING RUBBERY PIECE OF UNTWINKABLE SWEATY CLOWN MR FUCKING WANTS TO STAY WITH HIS STUPID HAT HIS UGLY FUCKING HAT I HOPE IT BURNS I HOPE HE BURNS AND THE SMELL OF BURNING RUBBER WILL BE A SYMPHONY FOR MY SENSES TO MARK THE DAY MOTHERFUCKING MR BONZO FINALLY DIES

POV: you where here during the ARG

being a fan of a friend's ocs is actually so humiliating....... like yes my favourite character rn is tragically doomed and a pillar of humanity who i think is relevant to the current world. you can find information about them on discord dot com and sometimes in late-night conversations with this guy i know. what the fuck

up late at night thinking about a guy who exists to three people. such a desire to talk about him until my lungs give out and read every scrap of fanfiction on the internet and yet there is NOTHING!!!! and i have to pretend to be NORMAL about this. "oh yes your character is cool. have you considered writing more" meanwhile the wolves in my brain are tearing and biting

I want them to start a band

Shout out to Colin's va for the instrument suggestions

Can you watch this freaking thing for me

mr bonzo in ep 12:

this is the worst thing ive ever made i love it

right, so: mr bonzo is a contractor for the OIAR, that was a commissioned massacre. his official title, according to magp 11, is an "External" with a capital-E, and gwen's job title is "Externals Liaison." in magp 02, gwen says she overheard lena talking about "expanding external operations" and assumes this meant redundancies, but I am not inclined to agree. I think the OIAR needs cases of genuine supernatural experiences to file and, if they've been coming in a bit slowly, will generate them itself, and this is a common enough occurrence that by magp 11 lena thinks gwen should have already worked it out on her own. magp 02 takes place on january 18, and the case from magp 06 is from february 9, so needles seems like a good bet for another commissioned horror. I'm inclined to think ink5oul is as well, though their two cases are from a bit in the past; they were messing around in that graveyard in january 2020 and I'd say they probably tattooed daria in mid 2022. magp 05 with tom the horror blogger might be another engineered one? it's from 2023 and he's put onto voyeur in the first place by a mysterious commenter that he can't find afterwards.

okay for realsies, until I am given reason to think otherwise, my theory going forward is that celia is acting as a guardian to a child. from magp 11, we have her waking up outside of her house and running back while muttering about a "jack" and saying she's on her way, and this episode implies she has responsibilities at home that she would need someone else to cover, are not related a plant or a pet, and which she's reticent to tell sam about in the context of a first date. also in her first appearance she referred to herself as having been in desperate need of a job, something which could be easily explained if she had a dependent to support.

he shouldve been at the cluuuu- oh. oh he was? oh. did he have fun? oh

in the oiar office. straight up "getting off". and by "off", haha, well. let's justr say. My armns.

I am unwell

The Magnus protocol took our intense fear of emails and said exactly but what if worse what if guy slowly succumbing to the Deep sat down at his desk and wrote you an email about it. What if computer text to speech program sent you a name and address of a goth and his gee-gee. What if a friend emailed you about the thing that is only partially their late lover haunting them. What if the email was actually a letter from the 1830s about a bloody violin. What if the email was a letter of resignation with way too many complaints about the enthusiastic volunteers. What if you got a compromising email about your boss murdering a former colleague. What if you got an email from said boss about a new hire. What if your email had more 're:'s than words in the title.

What would you do huh? How would you respond? What would you respond? When would you respond? It's been two days and the email is still marked as unread what will you do with huh? It's been 6 months and it's still in your inbox marked as unread even though you've read it every day since it was received. What are you going to do about the email

POV you're at a Stag night and he shows up, wyd?

i hate how they market alexa as a ‘member of the family’ like that’s SO fucking blatantly insidious and terrifying also if i wanted an untrustworthy/cold/emotionless machine in my life i’d just talk to my fuckin father 

“Guys stop bullying my wiretap”

#did we all collectively forget why Big Brother was called that

Tumblr Code.

that way we know we’re from tumblr without revealing anything

I’m just going to say this to strangers until i find a tumblr person

must keep reblogering!! Im going to be so suspicious if any one tells me this now!

Remember the answer is: I stole them from the president.

always reblog tumblr identification

good god this just crossed my dash in the year of our lord 2023

I LIKE YOUR SHOELACES??? IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2024??

Let’s take it to 4 million, folks!

almost there!

TO 4 MILLION!!!!!!!!!

THE ORIGINAL SHOELACES POST?? ON MY DASH IN 2024??

BLESSED WITH THE SHOELACES

gordan ramsey said this on kitchen nightmares and it blew me away so i took a screenshot but amazon prime app censored me and handed me this work of art

i thot this was from evangelion

walk through every circle of hell