spongebob quotes

Oh! So now the talking cheese is gonna preach to us?!

Your going to miss the panty raid

I want a triple barfy deluxe on a raft, four-by-four animal style; an extra side of shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze; light axle grease, make it cry, burn it and let it swim.

Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?

Are you finished with those errands Squidward?

Oh these pies aren’t homemade, they were made in a factory. A bomb factory… they’re bombs.

I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.

It’s like all he knows is fine dining… and breathing!

And what could be better than serving up smiles? 

Being dead, or anything else.

HE WAS NUMBER ONE!

I’VE SOILED THE GOOD KRUSTY KRAB NAME

SOILED IT

SOILED IT

SOILED IT

SOILED IT

SOILED IT

SOILED IT

Goodbye everyone, I’ll remember you all in therapy.

Patrick, that’s not a ride!

WHAT?! What did he say?

“Those guys are dorks.” “Yes but they’re my dorks.”

Can I be excused for the rest of my life?

to the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on… *womp womp womp womp*…*uuuuuuuWWOOOOAAHH*

Can I have everybody’s attention?… I have to use the bathroom.

the pioneers use to ride these babies for miles

I’M UGLY AND IM PROUD

WHAT I LEARNED IN BOATING SCHOOL IS

“What are they selling”

“Hey Patrick what am I now?” “Uh… stupid?” “No! I’m Texas!” “What’s the difference?”

“You gotta try this, dude! We finally got enough people for a 7 mile spanking machine!”

My legs!!

I hate it when you’re reading smut and you can’t figure out what position they’re in.

sometimes it just ends up being something like

ITS BACK

lord 

Y’ALL NEED JESUS

Please stop reblogging this post

nah whenever this appears on my dash i laugh for years

Artists Share “Before and After” Evolution of Their Drawing Skills with Years of Practice

this gives me hope

#Love it!

Thank you so much for sharing this, this gave me hope

Why even explain? Just walk up with a cheery “Hey! How are you?” and it’ll be obvious what is going on and we will shut him out completely.

That’s actually true, though. If you watch shows like “what would you do?”, where they stage situations, you see women move the fucking world for other women harassed by men.

I’ve actually done it.

I’ve been out with friends, seen a guy hitting on a girl who was alone and the look on her face of thinly veiled panic and “get away from me!”

I went over all “OH MY GOSH I HAVENT SEEN YOU IN AAAAAAGESSSSS oh my god, how ARE you??!” When I went in for the hug, I whispered “need help? Play along” and she met my eyes and then immediately went “OH MY GOSH HIIIIIIIIII!!!”

So I put my arm around her waist and looked at the guy like “you don’t mind, I haven’t seen her in -years-, we’re going to go catch up, bye”

Led her back to my friends, and we kept an eye on her til she was okay.

It’s like total Girl Code.

me: *the girl in the pink jeans*

2016: *the girl in the grey sweater* 

kristen stewart in american ultra

you can’t spell “pleasant” without “ant”

Thank you for this information.

youre welcome. do you want to know something else?

Um yes I think so

ants are small

Woah, this might be one of the calmest tumblr arguments ever!! This is so great!!! :)

Life Hack #12

Choking on an ice cube? Drink a cup of boiling water, it’ll make the ice cube melt.

This will make you feel better

Are they really making a scene from this show into a grunge picture...

Wtfff why would you do this

smh…. white people trying to be oppressed so bad, this is embarrassing….

The racial majority of China is fucking pale. Can people really not understand the concept of people with pale skin who aren’t caucasian?

And the comic isn’t about being oppressed in any way. Sunburns aren’t oppressive and the comic doesn’t portray them that way. Does your mind just calculate in oppression now? Is that its only function?

It’s a great comic that I can definitely relate to from personal experience. It’s meant to be a joke, not a political statement.

pale people: i get sunburn sometimes

tumblr: omg WHY DO YOU WANNA BE OPPRESSED SO BAD THO

I’ve lost followers for saying I hate white people. what did yall follow this blog for lmfao?

Lmao @staff why are you recommending shit like this to me?

Sickest Candle ever.

It’s like the olympic closing ceremony…

funny story about these, i had a red one on my birthday and everyone was like “wow this is the coolest fucking thing ever” and it plays music and all that, but when it came to actually eating the cake and taking the candle out, there was no off switch, so we had to smash it to pieces in the back garden to shut it up. turns out if you smash it up the music box still works. when i was in bed at 3am i could hear something so i opened the window, and it sounded like a tune you would hear in a horror movie before someone gets their body ripped to shreds and eaten. sleep well munchkins. you dont want this fucking thing.

^^^^^^^^MY MOTHER BOUGHT THIS FOR ME WHEN I TURNED 14 IT DIDNT STOP PLAYING WE DROWNED IT FOR 5 HOURS AND IT STARTED PLAYING THE SECOND YOU TOOK IT OUT OF THE WATER MY BROTHER SMASHED IT AGAINST THE  WALL 5 TIMES IT DIDNT STOP MY MOTHER THREW IT OUT 3 BLOCKS AWAY 

Not gonna lie, I now want to buy one for the sole purpose of watching people flail about trying to make it stop.

Is this the candle version of a Furby

we had one of these and we just pried the battery out what are you all doing

Remember white people, according to black people all white people are mayonnaise colored.

:/

you put mayonnaise on your arm to prove to us that you’re actually the color of sliced ham…

Do you know why I am pinker than usual?

I’m also 75 percent Native American as well as European… Now you’re the racist one.

your bio says you’re half native american. what is the truth? and explain your calculations, because with 25% sliced ham and 25% mayo, you look like 50% sandwich

FIFTY PERCENT SANDWICH I AM DECEASED

Lmao tumblr recommended this shit post to me like wtffff

snapchat and timehop need to unite. imagine sending yourself a picture or video you can only open within a year or two

Hey go to futureme.org and write and email to yourself and then you can set it to send it to you in the future. I did it like three years ago and forgot about it so it was cool when I got the email bc I wasn't expecting it

Burn it

scummies

(snail cummies)

Please please pleaaasseeeee delete this