So, I started Journaling and scrapbooking last week. I've wanted to do it for a while but I thought I was gonna give up instantly. I've tried to do bullet journal before and it was more frustrating and tiring than helping. I was scared that this type of Journaling was going to be like that too, but on the contrary I felt so good while cutting pictures and things and then arranging and pasting them and decorating the page. At first I didn't know what to do, but then I saw some Z pictures and some Tom pictures and I felt inspired to do it. I realized that Z and T and also Marvel inspire me a lot to do things.
In the last couple of years I have been really blocked, artistically at least. I've always enjoyed reading, and writing and coloring and stuff like that, but then I started school and I was packed with homework and reading materials, a huge amount of things to do, and a really demanding job. I started to have less time for myself and dread any creative thing. I also couldn't read books, or even listening to music or watch movies and shows, it was a big block. This year I graduated, which was a huge relief. I mean, I love the degree I chose, I am really passionate about it, and I'm happy to say that I am a translator. That's one of the things that when I was a kid I saw myself doing in the future, I wanted to translate books and movies. But studying was hard, and frustrating and so tiring, and it made me question my abilities and capabilities. Then the pandemic started and that just made it worse, no matter how hard I try I couldn't do anything creative and I thought I was never gonna go back and do things I used to love.
Then, I started to enjoy things again slowly and started to get hyped about new music, new movies, artists. But then I found myself obsessing over Marvel more than I've had.
I’ve always liked Marvel, always enjoyed it, but somehow in the last couple of years I just become a huge, huge fan, especially of Spider-man and Scarlet Witch. I became obsessed with those characters and their stories and I found myself watching their movies/show over and over again. I even started reading fanfics, watching videos, following fan accounts of them. It was a whole thing.
At some point I started to think about story plots and situations in my mind that I'd love to read about, but I knew I was never gonna write them or anything. Just reading fanfics was a huge step for me, at least it was just one thing I was enjoying again. Yet, after passing my last exam and finally graduating I found myself wanting to do more, wanting to do things I used to love or do things I always wanted to do, like journaling. It was crazy to me because one day I was just reading fanfics, watching videos, and liking/reblogging T&Z and Spider-man things, or Marvel things in general; and the next I was writing my first fanfic in 6 years and starting a journal. I just felt so inspired by them and it feels so good.
About journaling, I've done only 2 spreads so far, but I plan to do a lot more.
My first spread was inspired by Z, and even though it was my first try and I thought I was probably not gonna like it much bc I had no idea what I was doing and I also didn't have many things to do it I have to say that I feel really good and proud of it. Just the fact that I did it makes me proud, I took the time to do it and I enjoyed it and didn't got frustrated or gave up. At the end for a first time I really like the outcome.
I admire Z a lot, I love all of her works and I love that she's finally showing all her potential and just how good of an actress she is. She's a huge inspiration and just an amazing person. The moment I thought about what I wanted my first spread to be I had no doubts, I needed to do a Zendaya one.
After that one I got scared. I was afraid to lose inspiration and dread doing another one. However when I sat in front on my desk with the notebook opened and a huge blank page and the few materials I had (bc I don't have much yet) I knew exactly was I was gonna do. A few hours before I saw a really cute Tomdaya post that had some quotes and things T & Z have said about each other and it made me so soft that I just knew I had to do an spread about them. Again it's really simple and my writing is not exactly beautiful but I am learning and I'm still proud of it because I did it, once again I didn't give up and that matters the most to me.
I know this might seem really dumb, but it is a huge deal to me. They've inspired me enough to be creative again and enjoy this kind of things when I thought I was never gonna have that part of me again. It makes me so happy that I wanted to share it, to have this immortalized somewhere, mainly for me. I feel like I can't share it anywhere else but here where nobody knows me and pplbwon't judge me, or maybe they will who knows, but I still have my anonymity I guess. Anyway, I just want always remember this feeling in case I go through another creative block.
Hopefully one day I will also share the things I'm writing, but somehow that scares me more than anything else. For now I will just keep making spreads and learning and being inspired by this beautiful humans and beautiful characters.
