my style guide to a chic audrey hope autumn 🍂 ♡

good morning <3

i keep seeing a lot of “i ate like a normal person today and feel like shit” posts on edblr so here’s your daily reminder that eating like a “normal” person isn’t just about how much you eat but also *how* you eat

if you ate a “normal” amount but still

- obsessively counted calories

- weighed or measured out your food portions

- felt guilty for going over a certain number

- felt the need to burn off a specific amount of calories through exercise

- skipped meals

- purged

- denied yourself any amount of food while hungry

- felt guilty after eating

- thought about food obsessively or excessively

you did not eat like a normal person. you may have eaten a higher amount of food, but your eating habits are still very much disordered. your struggles are valid and you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. food is necessary to survive and fuel for your body. i’m proud of you for doing that much ❤️

remember: an unhealthy relationship with food and disordered behaviors are every bit as much a part of your ED as the amount of food you eat.

thank you for this post, i really needed it

Jude Law by Luis Sanchis / 1998

Jean-Michel Basquiat

professor: what did u do this summer

me: Realize Things

why I need to stop b/p’ing

the binge purge cycle is horrible. I have been trapped in it for a very long time now, and this year especially I pretty much have had consistent b/p’s most days. the longest I went without a binge purge was 7 days. 

after a b/p, I always tell myself ‘this is the last time, I won’t do this again’ and then the next day, I get an urge and at some point give in, and the cycle repeats. it genuinely is ruining my life - and my health. I am at a healthy weight (bmi 19.5) however I feel so unwell because of purging. 

so I am going to actually try this time. I won’t think about it too much, but every time I get an urge (which inevitably will happen, as b/p for me is now an addiction and habit) I will sit through the uncomfortable feeling of resisting it. 

my reasons not to binge and purge:

- it is messing up my weight loss 

- my teeth will rot 

- my oesophagus could rupture

- my stomach could rip 

- it smells gross 

- waste of food. what is the point of eating it if it is just going to be flushed down the toilet?

- it may feel good in the moment, but the guilt is ALWAYS painful 

reasons I may WANT to b/p, AND WHAT I CAN DO INSTEAD:

- bored 

               Read, go on a walk, call friend, READ, do not go in the kitchen,       Tumblr, Netflix, STUDY

- hungry, physically or mentally

                just wait. food will always be there. but in this state of hunger, it is not good to eat because it could turn into a b/p. wait, and if you are feeling physically VERY hungry, eat something safe e.g. yoghurt, veg, fruit or have a tea/coffee. remember, hunger does pass. 

- anxious 

                yoga, go on a long walk, FaceTime someone, have a bath / shower, do some journalling, read, meditate / focus on breathing. it will pass.

- went over calorie limit 

                   so, you went over your limit. maybe you overate. but you don’t need to binge and purge. everyone overeats some days. that is okay, because tomorrow is a whole new day, the next few hours are all chances to get on track. accept that you overate, breathe and move on. you cannot gain weight from one day of going over your already very low limit but you CAN gain weight from a binge purge cycle. and you’ll lose teeth. 

- sad 

          have a bath, put on comfy clothes, get in bed and just take it easy. read or write for a distraction, watch a funny movie, put on some peaceful music. sadness passes without the use of binging and purging. b/p will make you more sad. 

- just have an urge

             this is a hard one. it feels like an itch that you just cannot reach. but you are not your thoughts. you HAVE thoughts - but YOU CONTROL THE RESPONSE. so yes, the urge is there and it feels all consuming. but it cannot force you to go and put food in your mouth. that is a VOLUNTARY decision. just recognise ‘hey this is an urge’ and ignore it. if it feels really powerful, go on a fucking walk. seriously. headphones on, coat on, long walk until it has passed. do anything apart from putting food in your mouth. 

hope this helps me, and maybe someone else. 

I prefer a lowkey vibe, with no one knowing anything about us except us

I don’t care who i lose anymore. I choose me. I got shit to do.

One day you’ll be everything to the right someone.