*takes my traumas out of my pocket one-by-one & sets them gently on my therapist's coffee table like I'm showing off my rock collection*

Esteemed customer, this is a Wendy's.

Playing video games with a cat really do be like this

You’ve been hit by 🔪

You’ve been struck by 🔪

A Roman Senator 🔪🔪🔪

CAESER ARE YOU OKAY

ARE YOU OKAY CEASER

Dear person reading this, 

      You deserve a life full of happiness and positivity. So don’t let others get to you and believe in yourself.

fuck it up Cathleen!!!!!!!

doctors in tweets be like

someone said that luther and diego have opposite himbo energies this season which got me to making this

plus ben

i will not be taking criticism at this time

@one-time-i-dreamt

I was going to rewatch 1931 Dracula again tonight and just as I turned it on a BAT started flying around at my window and wouldn’t go away and I’ve never seen a bat at my house before and let me tell you I’ve been so gay touched starved this quarantine I was about ready to risk letting a wild bat in my room if it meant it could possibly be one tall, Sexy vampire

Ah rabies

But what if the bat was from my secret gay vampire admirer

yes 2020 has sucked like a ravenous kirby but in november we finally get to vote that hateful orange turd out of office so eyes on the prize ya’lls

Ok but.. who are we voting in??? Both candidates suck. Gaud help I’ve never voted before.

ffs will someone PLEASE explain why voting in another shoddy white male liberal is VASTLY DIFFERENT from allowing a fascist republican to remain in office?

basically you’re voting for the ADMINISTRATION and the PARTY not the person. also: Biden is crummy. Trump is actively killing hundreds of thousands of people. There is a fucking difference. Not recognizing that difference is what got us Trump in the first place. It’s the difference between a landlord who refuses to perform repairs, and one who ACTIVELY SETS YOUR HOUSE ON FIRE. Do not let let the republican propaganda machine convince you they are the same. 

Register To Vote.

Biden believes in the system. He’ll staff the State Department and release his tax returns and listen to his daily briefing.

He won’t send anonymous stormtroopers to snatch people off the street and hold them for hours.

He won’t spend all his time every day on Twitter and react poorly to every single word that isn’t glowing with praise.

There are SO MANY differences between them.

If your choices are half an onion in a baggy that’s been in the fridge a bit too long and developed some mold, and a napalm-filled flaming dumpster that is barrelling at ninety miles an hour towards an elementary school playground, you have the moral obligation to vote for the moldy onion.

And then you support the fresher onions in the Onion House and Onion Senate, and do activism to make the moldy onion scrape some of its mold off, and by the way the fact that people were supporting fresher onions in the onion primary is already paying off in that the moldy onion’s policies have noticeably less mold than they might have a few years ago … look, this analogy has thoroughly gotten away from me, but I hope the first part was clear enough.   Moldy Onion 2020, let’s go.

Moldy Onion 2020

Moldy Onion 2020

MOLDY ONION 2020

GET THE NAPALM DUMPSTER OUT OF OFFICE

Its time.

Off to a good start

Hello i have a new favorite movie

The heavy metal guitar solo intro music just petered off into the jurassic park theme sjsnsjejwkms

Oh this man is a himbo. Excellent.

Wait is this man a priest or a pastor 🤔 if he's a priest then the title is false advertising

I'm speechless

[gun fire]

[raptor screeches]

She's talking abt how he turned into a dinosaur and ate the guy who was trying to rob her

"I don't believe you! Dinosaurs never existed, and even if they did, I didn't turn into one!"

Solidarity

Me: bro they better keep this shit platonic

[Carol and Priest looking at each other, smiling lightly after sharing an embrace, tension building]

Me: 😒

[Carol and Priest share a massive high five]

Me: oh??? 😏😌

He's literally reading a book called Crime

Velocifather: father stewart, what if i told you i was...different

Father Stewart: you're not THAT different. they're are plenty of people like that in the church

Bro i can't even describe this vietnam war flashback.....there's 5 guys in jeans and thrifted military jackets in what is clearly someone's backyard......a bloody helmet on a garden fence is meant to symbolize how many brothers in arms they've lost.....they just stuck a blond wig on the old priest to show how young he was back then.......his gf just showed up and stepped on a land mine and died....which is why he joined the priesthood...the editing feels like a fever dream

absolute worst attempt at a sting i’ve ever seen

I’m on mobile and the picture won’t load but please leave this poor bee alone he has done nothing wrong

This is like 2 posts for the price of none

Every time he said “ma’am” you could tell he really was saying “bitch” in his head and it meant so much to me

Just in case you forgot, she is the girl who wore a rifle around a college campus after a major school shooting.

Hi, I’m a journalism student at Kent State University. Everyone here hates Kaitlin with a passion. She gives our university such a bad name. We do not claim her. She is the biggest coward I have ever encountered. I saw her on campus recently and I went up to her to ask her a question (because I am a journalist and that’s what I do) and she could SEE the hatred in my eyes. I know this because she backed away in fear. She was like, “sorry I don’t do that” and I was like, “Just one question” and she was literally backing away from me in fear like, “no, i’m sorry” And let me just tell you, I have neverrrrr felt more powerful. I made this biotch shake in her fuckin yeehaw boots. Fuckin ramen noodle hair ass motherfucker. Okay I’m done ranting lol sorry

For people wondering why she was ejected from a “public” Bernie rally:

1. It wasn’t actually a public event, it was a members-only event for the American Federation of Teachers in Lordstown, OH

2. She was sitting in the press section without a press pass

3. It’s obvious she went in, knowing she would be ejected, with the intention of filming her removal and framing it as a breech of her rights.

4. I mean fuck even if that weren’t the case she’s been known to threaten people who disagree with her by asserting that she carries. I wouldn’t be shocked if people would alert security after seeing her to report her assault weapon flaunting ass as a safety concern.

5. She keeps going on about how dare they call the event private because Bernie is a socialist that “doesn’t even believe in private property” affirming she intended to also use this as an opportunity to spread inaccurate defenitions of democratic socialism and cry “hypocrisy” where there is none.

6. Seriously, fuck her. She is an evil person.

*me watching hollywood movies about ancient egypt*

ALNAOAIHNSO:IBHNSOISBHNDIOKSBD