how am i supposed to have a normal day after that what the fuck
“written by miles luna and kiersi burkhart”
NOW I KNOW WHO TO SEND MY THERAPY BILL TO, FANTASTIC
this is my favorite addition by a mile. I am now glad that I made this post
if i were a zookeeper my intrusive thoughts would be wild
pumpkinvictor
brain: slap that penguin. right across his little blubbery tummy. it’ll jiggle.
me: no??? that’s mean???
brain: polar bear, then
me: no
pumpkinvictor
brain: the lions just got fed raw meat
me: yes?
brain: steal it and eat it in front of them
me: …
pumpkinvictor
rowan i want you to know that this is the best possible reply i could have received
anti-anti-survivor
I work with animals and this is true for me. No, I cannot eat sea stars out the touch tank no matter HOW good you think the cronch will be, brain.
budgiebazooka
sometimes you wonder what was going through the head of the first human to eat something really weird and then you see this post and stop wondering
thenerdbeast
This 100% was me at the zoo. Don’t touch Melon, he’s mean. Okay, but I have to touch Bob to make him get his stupid emu head out of my shirt, so what if I also touch Melon until he likes it? Sephiroth is angery because he has one wing and sometimes attacks people? I want to pet him also. Also he won’t get off the rock I have to clean anyway, surely a little pets on the good side will be fine. Martha and Stewart are assholes that tag-team while the pond is filling? I bet I could CUDDLE THEM. The female deer will excitedly nuzzle you in the stomach for feeding them. This is fine, because they don’t have antlers. The male deer is locked up while we’re putting out food because he will gouge you to death with his little nubby asymmetrical horns, because he thinks the females are doing it. The entire monkey enclosure will eat your fingers for a single fruit loop. They also have the smallest arms and can reach through holes they’ve made in the tarp on the gate to their enclosure. Do not hold hands with the monkeys. (2nd gen old man monkey will also pee on the keepers that don’t give him fruit loops. He is a jerk.) The rehabilitated bear that still sits like she’s on a couch because she did that when she was living in a crack house? Yes, she looks chill. Yes, she looks The Softest. No, do not pet her back through the fence. No, do not go into the corridor and try to offer treats for pets. Big Mac does not know he will break your ribs, but YOU know he will break your ribs. Do not enter Big Mac’s enclosure no matter how much he chuffs and displays his belly and rubs on the cage and looks sad. Yes, he genuinely wants pets. Yes, Pinkie is deliberately getting pets where he can see it as a sign of dominance even though she’s a housecat and he could eat her in approximately one bite. The turtle is mean. Period. He is an old man and he does not like you. He does not like the parrot getting fries and he does not like that he is in a kiddie pool to warm up because his enclosure lost power, and he does not like you behind him preparing food for the owls and raptors. Petting him will not help this. He will rock back and forth and mean mug you forever because he is a grumpy old man. All of the rabbits need more handling on principle. They don’t know you and they are very distressed that you’re taking their poop away. They can learn, a little, kind of. The guinea pig is insane and will not learn. Do not pet the guinea pig.
snowqueenvictor
this post is gathering some highly blessed zoo stories i love it! thank you
as biologist, can confirm
brain: that frog is very small me: well spotted, brain brain: put smol frog in mouth me: no!
brain: that lynx…looks so fluffy… me: it does brain: we should pet it. me: it’s awake and angry so no.
brain: baaaaby bunny. me: yup. brain: baby bunny goes in pocket me: nooo it doesn’t.
reblogging for my zookeeper friends
Dolores "I cannot keep my cousin Mirabel's secret for even a minute but if tio Bruno wants to live in the walls for ten years then that is HIS business" Madrigal
Telling Mirabel’s secret ruined the dinner with the man of her dreams who was supposed to propose to Isabella. Tattling was a strategic move. 👍
Dolores "I cannot keep my cousin Mirabel's secret for even a minute but if tio Bruno wants to live in the walls for ten years then that is HIS business" Madrigal
Telling Mirabel’s secret ruined the dinner with the man of her dreams who was supposed to propose to Isabella. Tattling was a strategic move. 👍
wade wilson kidnaps hugh jackman in deadpool 3 bc he’s convinced he’s actually wolverine. he spends the whole movie lugging him around but he’s literally just hugh jackman
hugh jackman does everything to prove that he’s hugh jackman. he sings, he tap dances, and he has an australian accent.
the reveal at the end of the movie is that hugh jackman isn’t wolverine, but wolverine is hugh jackman. logan went into witness protection in order to retire from being a superhero and having an alternate identity as an australian actor who started his career in musicals was basically fool proof until wade blew his cover story
i hate the crockpot slander on tiktok if your parents make bad food in the crockpot it’s because they can’t cook do NOT blame this on the crockpot #theysilencedyou
I never used to understand what “making connections” looked like but it turns out it’s standing at a party and saying “I’ve been thinking about getting into the film industry” and someone saying “Oh, Sarah works in the film industry” and Sarah yelling from accross the room “Did someone say my name?!?!?!”
You casually mention that you’ve been thinking about such and such and your professor overhears and is like “oh I know someone who works there. Do you want me to email them for you?” And you go “Sure.”
It’s the six layers of separation thing. Everyone is only so many layers away from everyone else. So if you stand in the correct rooms and say the correct things out loud once in a while eventually someone will say “Oh, I know a guy.”
And then eventually you turn into the guy that someone knows. I think. It’s hard to tell.
Babygirl I go through spoons faster than you can even imagine
Everyone tagging this "I thought this was about spoon theory": that works too. Here, you can have this post. It's yours now. If you need me I'll be emptying my ungodly overfilled cutlery bin from the dishwasher.
I don’t know if this is old news already, but I saw someone on twitter pointing out that in this scene
it looks like Dolores knocks against the wall to signal Bruno that dinner is ready, and it could be true?
When she puts the plates down, she seems to look around as if to make sure the others aren’t paying attention to her (unlike her family, who just happily sings along).
Then she whirls around and seemingly knocks on the wall, only to lower her hand inconspicuously close to her body.
It might be a reach but it would be really, really sweet if she is actually doing this for Bruno, so I want to believe it was intentional :)
