Philosophers and Hogwarts Houses: The Definitive Sorting

20th-century French philosophers:

Slytherin: Michel Foucault Gryffindor: Maurice Merleau-Ponty Hufflepuff: Emmanuel Levinas Ravenclaw: Alain Badiou 

Feminist philosophers:

Slytherin: Simone de Beauvoir Gryffindor: bell hooks Hufflepuff: Carol Gilligan Ravenclaw: Sally Haslanger

American pragmatists:

Slytherin: William James  Gryffindor: Jane Addams  Hufflepuff: George Herbert Mead Ravenclaw: John Dewey

Buddhist philosophers:

Slytherin: Nagarjuna Gryffindor: Dōgen Hufflepuff: Śāntideva Ravenclaw: Gautama Buddha

German philosophers:

Slytherin: Martin Heidegger Gryffindor: Theodor Adorno Hufflepuff: Jürgen Habermas Ravenclaw: Immanuel Kant

Ancient Greeks:

Slytherin: Plato Gryffindor: Xenophon Hufflepuff: Socrates Ravenclaw: Aristotle

Contemporary ethicists:

Slytherin: David Benatar Gryffindor: Philippa Foot Hufflepuff: Derek Parfit Ravenclaw: John McDowell

Logicians:

Slytherin: Gryffindor: Hufflepuff: Ravenclaw: Bertrand Russell, G.E. Moore, Gottlob Frege, Ludwig Wittgenstein

ice cream asks

chocolate: when was your first kiss?
french vanilla: how old are you?
cotton candy: three places you want to travel to?
strawberry: a language you wish you could speak?
coffee: favorite cosmetic brands?
mint chocolate chip: indoors or outdoors?
cookie dough: do you play any instruments?
rocky road: favorite songs at the moment?
butter pecan: favorite songs for life?
cheesecake: what's your zodiac sign?
toasted coconut: the beach or the pool?
chocolate chip: what's your most popular post?
bubblegum: books or movies?
pistachio: manga or anime?
salted caramel: favorite movies?
birthday cake: favorite books?
moose tracks: favorites for manga?
orange sherbet: favorites for anime?
peanut butter: favorite academic subject?
black raspberry: do you have any pets?
mango: when and why did you start your blog?
mocha: ideal weather conditions?
black cherry: four words that describe you?
neapolitan: things that stress you out?
raspberry truffle: favorite kind of music?
chocolate marshmallow: favorite brands of candy?
toffee: a card game that you're good at?
lemon custard: do you eat breakfast?
dark chocolate: turn ons?
fudge: turn offs?
peach: how do you relax?
praline: a popular book you haven't read yet?
superman: do you like sweaters?
cherry: do you drink tea or coffee?
dulce de leche: an instrument you wish you could play?
blackberry: have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
ginger: a new feature you wish tumblr could have?
blueberry lemon: favorite blogs?
almond: favorite mean girls quote?
butterscotch: what color are your nails right now?
cinnamon: have you ever been confessed to?
blue moon: have you ever had a crush on someone?
cappuccino crunch: do you take naps?
mint: the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?
brownie batter: do you like sushi?
key lime: where do you want to be right now?
red velvet: do you wear prescription glasses?
green tea: favorite flavors of ice cream?