Why do right-wingers crackpots believe the most boring conspiracy theories?
Oh they’re putting things in the water/food/vaccines? Elites are sexual predators? How unimaginative.
How about something more creative like the government feeding radioactive isotopes to the mentally disabled?
Or giving black men fake syphilis treatments to study the disease?
Or kidnapping people and subjecting them to LSD and sensual depravation to try and develop mind control?
Or secretly hiring Nazi scientists to work in NASA?
To quote the YouTuber miniminuteman773:
“You don’t actually have to make up an evil shadow government to be mad at. You can just be mad at the actual government.”
i get that this is jokes but the central core delusion of rightwing conspiracy theories is that they’re the victims. like, that’s it. that’s the whole thing.
they unblinkingly accept the world that this society has granted them: a world in which christian, cis, het, abled(ish) white folks are the only people who are people.
but things still suck for them. this world still fucking sucks, in large part because their own desperation to maintain their position as The Only Real People has led them into generations of incredibly stupid, cruel, selfish, short-sighted policy decisions.
welfare is whittled to nothing, wages stagnate, climate disasters keep happening, and the un-people are angrier and weirder and louder than ever even as city budgets drain away into the armored fists of militarized police.
this world fucking sucks, it sucks for everyone. the only real people in the world got together and made a world that fucking sucks.
but wait, what? how can that be possible? how can that be true?
well, it can’t be. it shouldn’t be. it isn’t.
surely there’s this other government, this evil government, this secret government, to explain it. maybe it only looks like they got what they asked for. it’s got to be something, anything, but consequences.
so fuck it. it’s probably the space lizards.
that makes way more sense.
I think it'd be very funny if there was a Zelda game where Ganon isn't the big bad, but when you get to the Gerudo area there's a male Gerudo named Ganondorf there. He has zero relevance to the plot. Not any kind of twist where he becomes the villain in the end, or any kind of side quest. He's just there and that knowledge perpetually looms over your head menacingly.
I'm laughing
He has an *Evil* laugh, but that’s literally just how he is.
elon musk is literally like a parody. like he cant genuinely fucking be like this like bro is on some satirical depiction of a spoiled rich kid type shit. like hes a cartoon evil rich guy. throwing tantrums bc someone criticized him or said they didnt like him. spending billions of dollars to buy an app and then changing the app every time someone uses a feature of the app to insult him or hurt his feefees. dude straight up does the cartoon steam blowing out of ears train whistle shit irl every time someone says anything mean to him or is transgender but whats terrifying is he has enough money to do anything he wants and millions of chuds who would gladly no homo suck his cock every night before he goes to bed. like. how has someone come to be like this. why has this been allowed to happen why was he created
i think most rich guys are actually more like elon than they aren't, they all have simpering fanclubs online but enough haters to keep them up at night. i've seen a good half-dozen "richest man in X country" instagram accounts litigating their personal beef with some obscure shitposter who won't stop trolling them. they run the world but everyone doesn't love them so they're not happy
this is the richest guy in africa and his mortal enemy, a bored brazilian man
Danny Fenton, a new receptionist at Wayne Enterprises:
Vicky Vale, knowing Danny Is Not Ready for her: So, where does Bruce Wayne leave for during his meetings? A new woman? Man? Trouble in the family?
Danny "Town Menace Phantom" Fenton, done with Genderbent Wes Weston: To fuck your mom.
Bruce's experienced receptionist that left for 6 seconds: okay, Danny no--
Danny, who knows something's up with the Wayne family: and your Dad, because we support the LGBTQIA community. Thank you and leave.
We literally just want to live without suffering, my dudes.
Like, conservatives genuinely do understand how happy we'd all be with just a quiet cafe where we can play board games with our friends without being constantly stressed about our jobs.
Our ideas about happiness are already so God damn frugal. Just let us breathe.
"He would not fucking say that" does not apply to Yoda. You could write the most batshit sentence and I could see him saying it if only to fuck with someone
Now. "He would not fucking say that seriously" does apply here
I hate that you're probably right I fucking hate it here
sdjsj stop I'm fucking cackling
"Contact my secret network of Jedi across Coruscant, I will. Tracing your IP as we speak, I am."
Post that have 10K notes in my heart.
Give it a minute.
Fresh new sitcom idea: a spinoff of Modern Family but it's 1536 and the dissolution of the monasteries is in full swing. The patriarch is a secret Catholic and is hiding this from his long suffering wife and children. The guilt is eating him alive but he puts a brave face on things and has a reputation for being a total lad, a real joker, a good-time guy. Spoiler alert: they're all secretly Catholic but hiding it from the others. The family is tearing itself apart at the seams. Secrecy lurks beneath every punchline. It's a fun-filled series of heartwarming, wacky japes, set during the reign of terror of Henry VIII.
Me: makes a post which I'm pretty pleased with, solely on a lololol level
@rubiscothegeek: just casually adds the funniest fucking thing I've ever read as a reply
saw the other one, this one’s a lot more brain rot esque
IT HAPPENED
I OPEN THE DOOR TO GET MY PIZZA AND THE GUY ADDRESSED ME AS YOUNG MAN AND THEN LOOKED ME OVER AND CORRECTED HIMSELF AND SAID YOUNG LADY
You don't understand, people here almost never say "sir" or "ma'am" so despite transitioning over 5 years ago now I've almost never heard anyone address me in a gendered way so this is new for me
they should invent a trans girl that is. in my bed.
wait shit fuck that me
they should. invent another
This one is pissing me off because there’s cheese in it. I’m not sure there’s a period of Chinese dynastic history wherein the type of dudes likely to be having rap battles would also have been familiar with hard cheese. There’d be political fucking implications to that. Fermented dairy products were often seen as uncivilized foods, and were associated in particular with northern “barbarian” cuisine (see: <lactose intolerance in Eurasia>), whereas competitive poetry was viewed as a civilized and scholarly pastime appropriate to civil servants and courtiers. Mentioning cheese in a verse which also references the heavens could be seen as an effort to legitimize the presence of these dangerous foreign elements within Chinese society, and, thus, as seditious. If dairy were to become a common theme in rap battles, it might be viewed as a dangerous sign of poor morale and defeatist thinking among the literati. “Emperor, we have got to move the capital to the south. The scholars are rapping about cheese. It’s all falling apart.”
Now this is a fucking post
i had a horrible realization today.
my "type" is a violent baddie who can sport a high ponytail. and is also fucking blue.
Context: I have a few necessary rules for the table. One of my players would only speak in this absurd French accent so we jokingly added “No French” to the rules list. At this point in time, we were finally deciding how each offense would be punished (e.g. kick, ban, etc.) and we got to this rule.
DM: What do you think a good punishment for being French is?
Player: Punishable by death. (We all laughed about this for a while before marking it down)
Player: An eye for an eye, you know.
DM: I love how you compare murder with being French.
*through gritted teeth* you are not a child taking a test with the purpose of getting the highest score, you are an adult trying new things and finding ways to enjoy your life, make mistakes, be a beginner, be mediocre, be where you need to be, be unlikeable, just. be.
The lifelong trauma has me wondering why the fuck we do that to kids in the first place tbh
THAT WAS TESTAMENT AND THEIR PRONOUNS ARE THEY/THEM AND I KNOW THEIR COCK IS BIG
Canonically, they have to wear an iron plate on their panties just to hide the bulge.
It's real but rarely seen. The only mod is removing their skirt.
Extreme tuck