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dangerous salad paradise

@dangeroussaladparadise / dangeroussaladparadise.tumblr.com

she/he/they
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in junior year of highschool my art teacher would let our ceramics class play music of our choice off of her desktop. we usually used spotify or youtube but she did have one album downloaded on her computer. it was a halloween sound effects/ambience collection. i dont remember why she had it. there was a track on there called "burning screams" which was exactly what it sounds like. just a cacophony of screams alongside crackling fire. she only let us play it on very special occasions, and we would cheer and jump with joy every time. it was like a pizza party to us

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also please note that this scientist is in fact the retired man who invented the xbox.

oh fuck i listened to a podcast that was interviewing him and the process he went through to make this bread, ologies with allie ward like he went through full on clean room levels of prep to ensure that this was 100% yeast from old egypt and had to bend over backwards to ensure everything involved was uncontaminated he then revealed that the original xbox logo...

is a sourdough boule

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I understand the appeal of wanting every adult hero to instinctively adopt teenage Peter Parker, but can it really beat the hilarity of acknowledging that at 15 Peter was 5'10", unusually buff, went by a moniker with Man in it, wore a creepy full face mask, and had a tightly guarded secret identity and probably a Queens accent thick enough to have come out of a jello mold, and adult heroes reasonably responded to him by going, “Wow, this grown man is an immature asshole for no reason.”

Way funnier to me than adult heroes finding out Peter is a teenager and becoming Concerned is the idea of adult heroes Retroactively finding out Peter Was a teenager because he admits to being like. 22 and they’re like “Hang on you’ve been doing this for like. Seven years.” and he’s like “Haha crazy right? Anyway it’s too late for you to yell at me about that because the statue of limitations on that lecture ran out when I turned 18”

YEAH this trope is instantly more tolerable if it’s fully adult Peter being like, *listen up whippersnappers because I’ve been around the block voice* “I’m thirty, and—” and Tony Stark, who vaguely assumed Spider-Man is maybe two years older than him because he just has that energy and hasn’t reassessed this for four presidential terms, is like, *drunkenly doing math* “You’re how many”

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Okay but…them trying to talk about Old People Stuff with him, not realizing that he wasn’t alive to remember xyz thing happening, never used xyz technology bc he didn’t exist yet, not expecting him to agree with the fact that some ppl were saying songs they grew up to were oldies, etc

The thing about Peter Parker is that he was raised by senior citizens the way other heroes are raised by wolves. He has the body of an Olympic gymnast and the soul of a malcontented geriatric. This likely contributed to the perpetuation of the accidental ruse.

It’s when he channels Aunt May so hard he makes it sound like he was personally and immediately affected by McCarthyism that the time traveler fringe theory starts really picking up bets.

I agree here, but Parker is ALSO canonically a science and technology nerd. Peter ALSO likes to talk, because he’s nervous, and snarky banter is how he copes, but he tries to avoid any sort of identifying information, creating a situation where he just kind of mirrors whoever he’s talking to, and nobody can agree what age he is. (Marvel characters barely have canonical ages, so I’m making this up) Tony Stark (Late 30/ Early 40s), Comic book ages are fake) has had heated arguments with spider-man about the Starkphone’s latest specs, while also complained loudly about Oscorp, is convinced that Spider-Man is a 30 something engineer, is similarly convinced that Spider-Man probably works for him, and keeps trying to drop hints that like “You know, I respect you, you don’t have to hide from me because I’m your bosses’ bosses’ boss”. Hawkeye (Early 30s) Human Disaster/Secret Agent has reminisced with Spider-Man about being a human disaster, is convinced that Peter Parker is, like, 28 at the youngest. He knows Spider-Man doesn’t collect a SHIELD paycheck or anything, so his mental image is a pretty accurate take on most Adult Spider-Man versions. Brilliant kid struggling to make rent on a studio apartment in Manhattan.  Black Widow (Age ???), Professional Spy actually clocks Spider-Man as a Teenager pretty reliably, but doesn’t believe her own assessment, because this is America. American kids play basketball and worry about Prom, they don’t do this stuff. I mean, yeah, it’s possible, since he has powers and such, but no, he CAN’T Be as young. She refuses to believe it.  Captain America (Mentally late 20s, chronologically almost 100 years old) has no idea what kids are like these days. But he’s been studying 20th century history, and Spider-Man has mentioned an Aunt he’s close with who lived through some specific events. Assuming that this “Aunt” is, like, 20-30 years older than her nephew, instead of 40+ years, he believes that Spider-Man is solidly in his 30s.  Bruce Banner (40s): Is convinced Spider-Man is also an Adult, but for opposite reasons. In Bruce Banners mind, Kids are rude, and Spider-Man has always been very polite to him, therefore, an Adult, although perhaps a youngish one. With his knowledge of Science, Banner imagines Spider-Man as a PHD student.  Thor (Age ???? But quite old) Knows that Spider-Man is an adolescent. How old are adolescent humans? 42? That sounds about right. Spider-Man is a 42 year old adolescent who lives with his Aunt. That aunt, who Thor has picked up is quite wise and venerable, is probably somewhere around 500 years old? 

emotional impermanence is so funny bc like. i forgot that i am relevant in people’s lives. my friend since i was 10 asked me if i would be in her bridal party and when i burst into tears and thanked her for thinking of me and wanting me to be there she was like “why would i not want you there??? we’ve known & loved each other longer then we haven’t.” and i was like oh yeah. i forgot ab the part where you love me too

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my five year plan? read a lot of books. visit museums. walk through woods. stand in a river. adopt a little kitty. drink lemonade while sitting in a rocking chair on my porch.

reading a textbook for class and i’m going insane. why is this just poetry. what. this is a STEM class what’s going on.

HELLO????? HELLO?????

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The winds, the sea, and the moving tides are what they are. If there is wonder and beauty and majesty in them, science will discover these qualities. If they are not there, science cannot create them. If there is poetry in my book about the sea, it is not because I deliberately put it there, but because no one could write truthfully about the sea and leave out the poetry. - Rachel Carson (1952)

no one can write truthfully about evolution and leave out the poetry, etc.

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not to be pedantic but it annoys me so much when people talk abt how chatgpt is "lying" or "making things up". or esp when people say it "refuses to admit" to lying. like girl that is a toaster oven

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"it REFUSED TO ADMIT that it LIED to me" it is a line of code generating letters in the most algorithmically probable order

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Naturalists have got to be one of the groups of people most susceptible to being tricked by the fae. Travellers these days are much less likely to follow a mysterious light or the smell of roast beef into the forest. Meanwhile, find me a naturalist who would not completely lose themself in pursuit of:

  • An unidentifiable bird call
  • A butterfly that’s slightly off-color
  • An opossum with its head stuck in a yogurt tub
  • A really big woodpecker

The Fae better be fuckin ready to be tagged and fitted with a Radio Collar for Science then, I got new hiking boots and no other ideas for research grant money.

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it’s called fashion, sweaty