To all the chefs/line cooks
This one is for the weekends,holidays and should have been sick days that you never get off. For sacrificing your time to better a restaurant that works you down and pays you less then you deserve For the friendships and lovers that suffer from your work schedule Never feeling like your rested and always being covered in tiny cuts, bruises and hand burns People who can work under the stress of a head chef,bill times and menu changes, this is for the people who wouldn’t do anything else.
I know I don’t have many followers, and even fewer mutuals, but if you want to send me good jujus I am currently entering a few essays into a contest. The contest is to win a locally owned & critically acclaimed French restaurant.
This is literally my dream. My father immigrated from France as a 25 year old to fulfill his dream of working in New York City. Both of my parents are chefs and I have grown up in kitchens. I have only ever worked in kitchens. I have been commuting 80 miles a day for 5 years [during baker’s hours] to get my foot in the door of a kitchen I enjoy. I go to sleep thinking of being a restaurateur. I dream of fresh produce and farm eggs and peering over the counter at my Papa dicing onions for mirepoix.
This is in my blood and I have never wanted something more.
So yeah, I’ll take good vibes where I can get them!!!!!
Sending all my love and positive energy : ] I shat your love of kitchens
I know I don’t have many followers, and even fewer mutuals, but if you want to send me good jujus I am currently entering a few essays into a contest. The contest is to win a locally owned & critically acclaimed French restaurant.
This is literally my dream. My father immigrated from France as a 25 year old to fulfill his dream of working in New York City. Both of my parents are chefs and I have grown up in kitchens. I have only ever worked in kitchens. I have been commuting 80 miles a day for 5 years [during baker’s hours] to get my foot in the door of a kitchen I enjoy. I go to sleep thinking of being a restaurateur. I dream of fresh produce and farm eggs and peering over the counter at my Papa dicing onions for mirepoix.
This is in my blood and I have never wanted something more.
So yeah, I’ll take good vibes where I can get them!!!!!
I MADE A PROMISE THAT I WOULD NEVER MAKE ANOTHER ONE OF THESE FUCKING POSTS BUT WHO THE FUCK CARES I’VE GOT KNOWLEDGE TO SHARE WITH THE WORLD SO IT’S THE FUCKING SUGAR SCRUB CRAYON LIPSTICK BITCH BACK WITH ANOTHER FUCKING TUTORIAL.
I BET YOU THOUGHT THAT PHOTO WAS JUST SOME FUCKING CHOCOLATE WELL YOU THOUGHT WRONG MUTHAFUCKA THAT SHIT IS CHOCOLATE GANACHE AND IT IS WAY EASIER TO HANDLE THAN MELTED CHOCOLATE AND IT HAS ABOUT A BAJILLION USES
GET YOURSELF SOME GOOD ASS DARK OR SEMISWEET CHOCOLATE LIKE THE KIND YOU BAKE WITH OR GO GET SOME FANCY ASS CHUNKS FROM WHOLE FOODS JUST NO MILK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE ALL DARK BABY ABOUT 8-12 OZ OR ABOUT 2 CUPS OR 1 STANDARD BAG OF CHIPS HOWEVER THE FUCK YOU WANNA MEASURE IT JUST PUT IT IN A GODDAMN BOWL ALREADY
I HOPE YOU’RE READY BECAUSE THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET HEAVY. HEAVY WHIPPING CREAM THAT IS. GET ABOUT A CUP OF THAT THERE SWEET LIQUID OR 8 OZ AND HEAT IT WITH YOUR EYE LAZERS OR THE MICROWAVE I DON’T FUCKING CARE MAYBE YOU EVEN BUST OUT A SAUCEPAN JUST DON’T LET THAT SHIT BOIL YOU WANT IT PRETTY FUCKIN HOT THO
NOW POUR IT ONTO YOUR CHIPS AND START WHISKING. IF YOU DON’T HAVE A WHISK, JUST THROW THE BOWL AT A WALL A FEW TIMES BECAUSE YOU PROBABLY LIVE IN THE STONE AGE OR ARE A BROKE COLLEGE KID WHY ARE YOU MAKING GANACHE ANYWAY
AT FIRST IT’S GUNNA LOOK LIKE SOME WEIRD CHUNKY MILK AND YOU’RE PROBABLY GOING TO SPLASH IT ON THE COUNTER A BIT AND YOU’LL BE LIKE WHAT THE FUCK BRI YOUR INSTRUCTIONS ARE FUCKING SHIT BUT KEEP WHISKING AND YOU WILL BE REWARDED WITH SMOOTH VELVET GLORY GODDAMN JUST LOOK AT IT FLOW I NEED A MOMENT
OKAY SO NOW YOU HAVE THIS BOWL OF GOOP AND YOU’RE SAYING OKAY BRI NOW WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO WITH THIS SHIT SLOW THE FUCK DOWN I’M GETTING THERE NOW THIS SHIT CAN BE USED FOR FUCKING EVERYTHING YOU CAN GLAZE CAKES WITH IT TO MAKE THEM GLOSSY AND FANCY
OR YOU CAN PIPE IT LIKE FROSTING TO MAKE ALL KINDS OF PRETTY BAKED GOODS
OR YOU CAN WHIP IT WITH A MIXER OR YOUR BIONIC ARMS TO MAKE A FROSTING-LIKE SUBSTANCE
YOU MAY THINK THAT’S ENOUGH BUT I’M NOT FUCKING FINISHED YET OKAY SO YOU JUST SIT TIGHT YOU CAN WARM IT UP AND POUR IT ON ICE CREAM FOR THE BEST SUNDAE YOU’VE EVER HAD
OKAY RAPID FIRE NOW YOU CAN TOSS POPCORN IN SOME FOR CHOCOLATE POPCORN OR YOU CAN DIP COOKIES OR CRACKERS OR BISCUITS IN IT TO MAKE THEM SEEM HELLA FANCY OR YOU CAN STIR A BIG OL’ GLOP OF IT INTO WARM MILK FOR THE BEST COCOA YOU’VE EVER TASTED
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST IT IS THE EASIEST AND MOST FUCKING DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE FONDUE YOU COULD EVER HOPE TO HAVE IN YOUR MOUTH HOLE
SO THERE YOU GO MOTHERFUCKERS NOT ONLY HOW TO MAKE GANACHE BUT HOW TO USE IT 1001 DIFFERENT WAYS NOW GO FORTH AND BE HAPPIER THAN A STOCK PHOTO WOMAN EATING CHOCOLATE CLASS DISMISSED MOTHERFUCKERS
Arseholes…
Chef would have walked in and had a Defcon 5 meltdown
My chef heaved a tape dispenser across the room just for it being out of tape.
This would have made him spontaneously implode.
What sort of fuckery is this?! Line up everyone responsible and slap them.
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