šØ
Hammer!
š„
haha theres a hole in your wall now
beware the abyss within
JACK HAMMER: PERSONAL PROFILE
NAME: JACK HAMMER
DATE OF BIRTH: MAY 18, 1967
PLACE OF BIRTH: INTENSIVE CARE UNIT, CENTRAL JOHNSON HOSPITAL, MIDLOTHIAN, ILLINOIS
BASE OF OPERATIONS:
WEBSITE: HAMMER.PRO
QUESTION: WHAT IS YOUR SIGN?
ANSWER: THE HOLE. WHY? I DONāT KNOW, WE JUST THOUGHT ITāD MAKE A COOL NEW SLOGAN
QUESTION: THE GENERAL. ARE YOU A FISH?
ANSWER: OF COURSE. WHY?
QUESTION: PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR āWARDROBEā:
ANSWER: WHATāS THIS GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
QUESTION: LATEST EXPERIMENT?
ANSWER:BEING THE HOLE" ON OURSELVES. WE REALLY LIKE TO SEE OURSELVES AS A HOLE, DONāT WE
QUESTION: OK. THATāS HORRIBLE. WHY DID YOU DO THAT.
ANSWER: SIMPLY: BECAUSE WE WANTED TO!
QUESTION: WELL NOW, YOUR INCLINATION TO BROADEN YOUR EXPERIENCE OF BEING THE HOLE, MAYBE?
ANSWER: YES, THATāS RIGHT. SO, WE PLAY āHAVING THE HOLEā ON ANIMALS, YOU KNOW.
QUESTION: OH NO.
ANSWER: SURE. THIS WAY WE CAN TURN OTHER ANIMALS INTO HOLES. LOTS OF FUN!
QUESTION: YES, WE IMPLIED. ARE YOU FEELING ALRIGHT, JACK?
ANSWER: MAYBE WEāRE THE ONE WITH THE HOLE!
QUESTION: DO YOU SUPPORT A PLAN TO FEED THE HOLE?
ANSWER: IN THEORY, WE SUPPORT IT. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, WHEN YOU GET DOWN TO IT, ITāS ACTUALLY JUST A BUNCH OF HOLES! THATāS WHY WEāRE THE GENERAL.
QUESTION: WHAT IS āFEEDING THE HOLEā?
ANSWER: āFEEDING THE HOLEā IS A SLANG EXPRESSION THAT DESCRIBES OUR EXPERIENCE OF KNOWING THE HOLE. BUT OF COURSE YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT, RIGHT?
QUESTION: YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS NEED SOME TIME TO REFLECT.
ANSWER: YOU DONāT ACTUALLY WANT US TO THINK TOO HARD, DO YOU? WEāRE BEING POLITE.
QUESTION: I KNOW THAT NOW! I WONDER WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE WERE TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR A CHANGE.
ANSWER: I HAVE A FEELING WE WOULD COME BACK TO THE HOLE AGAIN, DONāT YOU THINK?
QUESTION: OH NO.
ANSWER: WOULD YOU LIKE TO?
QUESTION: WHAT A WEIRD QUESTION, THE GENERAL! WEāVE BEEN DEALING WITH YOU FOR HOURS NOW. MAYBE WE SHOULD GET SOMEONE ELSE TO PROCEED FROM HERE. SOMEONE MORE EXPERIENCED, MAYBE?
ANSWER: WE WONDER THAT FROM TIME TO TIME. ITāS NOT LIKE THERE ISNāT ALREADY TOO MUCH TO DO WITHOUT ANOTHER GENERAL LANGUAGE.
QUESTION: MAYBE YOU SHOULD READ THESE RESPONSES ALONG TO OUR COLLEAGUES SOMEWHERE.
ANSWER: A GREAT PLAN!
isnāt that the guy from ace attorney
Itās actually from the backstory of a Steven Universe fanfiction I read years ago
i didnāt know jack hammer from hit game phoenix wright ace attorney was part of a steven universe fanfic
In a way, he is
Heās one of several ābossesā the heroine fights, and heās ostensibly this amoral giant squid-man who doesnāt know how to express his emotions, but is nonetheless terrifyingly monstrous and violent and stuff
There are some passages about him that are kind of deeply poetic, in a way that is perhaps a bit too fitting for this kind of thing
this is some lore if iāve ever seen one








