After an intervention by friends and family where I was given an ultimatum, go to the doctor willingly or be forced, I am now on antidepressants for major depressive disorder and social anxiety. The side effects are currently a bitch but admittedly my head space feels better. I know it’ll take 2-3 weeks to get used to these with the first week being the roughest. My doctor wants me back in 3 weeks to check how things are going and see if I want/need therapy/different medication or whatever.

Seems asking for help wasn’t as bad as I had feared. The conversation with my doctor was quite easy, nothing like my anxiety kept telling me. My mum constantly telling me that asking for help isn’t failure helped as well.

I’m hoping things will only improve from here. So no more cutting, no more excessive video games/anime to escape my suicidal thoughts so I can spend more time with my daughter. It’s only the first day but I’m trying to be positive instead of my usual pessimistic/realistic self.

Edit: Hours later and these things are kicking my ass. Holy shit xD

Couldn’t sleep until 2am because of nausea, woke up at 4:30am with a dry mouth, headache and nausea. It’s now 5:40am and I still have all of the above but now I don’t know if I’m nauseous because of antidepressant or if I’m hungry, I also don’t know if I’m tired or not.

What is functionality? So glad my parents are here because I’m not sure I’m going to be able to look after my daughter properly until my body gets used to these.

cyberchibi

It seems I need to ease my older brother’s mind, tell him that I forgive him for what happened when we were kids. That my brain damage and almost death are ok with me, that was 20 years ago and forgiven the moment it was done. I never blamed him, it was an accident. Yes, there are memories and abilities I lost from the damage but I forgave him still. I also need to tell him that the regular beatings I received from him as a result of his ADHD are fine with me too, forgiven before he hurt me each time. The beatings went on for over a decade. I could handle it, provoked it sometimes, and covered my injuries with stories of clumsiness.

My brother is, has been and always will be my best friend. I never thought the injuries he caused me would affect him but mother says he constantly tells her he’s sorry, he has never apologised to me so I assumed he just went on with his life like I did. It seems I didn’t realise he doesn’t talk to me about any of it because he has painful regrets. I will tell him that should he have killed me that day 20 years ago, or during any of the beatings, I would have forgiven him still. For the longest time he was all I had, introduced me to gaming (one of my greatest loves) and protected me from my stalkers and perverts. I see my brother in about 2 weeks, we will settle it face to face.

What I lost from my brain damage was mainly my mathematics skills, went from being almost a human calculator - 2 grades above where I should be - to barely scraping by in my own grade. I also do not know if my empathy problem (I can hurt and use others, knowing how it will make them feel, and all I feel is fear of consequences and a power trip) is caused by the brain damage or hereditary. I find it difficult to understand or predict the emotions of others. For example, a friend was anxious about losing her job and I told her that realistically it could happen.. apparently I was supposed to tell her she would be fine. It seems I have cognitive empathy to a degree but almost completely lack emotional empathy. Friends and relatives cry or reach out to me for help and I find them annoying and just want to do my own thing. I have told them such and they come to me because I don’t judge and won’t tell anyone because I simply don’t care enough to. They also know that I could end all communication at any time because I have no emotional ties to anyone except my brother and daughter, our hobbies and interests align so they are enjoyable to be around but that’s all there is to it. I am told that if I were to cut ties with my friends that they would turn up at my doorstep and refuse to leave. I have acquainted with an odd bunch, it seems.

cyberchibi

Me: I want to interact with people from the DMC fandom for the first time in years as it is my favourite franchise. I’ve been writing fanfics I can share with them

Depression and anxiety: *laughs in fuck you*

Me: ..You’re why I can’t have nice things

cyberchibi reblogged

wrr000

Still brothers ;w; [by me]

cyberchibi reblogged

doodlemeimpressed

vaor

I don’t want to disappear without a forewarning.

As of July 4th 2018, the Internet as we know it might be dead for good.

The European Parliament is passing a new Copyright Directive. Article 13 #CensorshipMachine will impose widespread censorship of all the content we share online. Art, fanfiction, parodies, remixes, mashups, memes, etc.. Anything that you do not hold the rights over will be taken down.

Article 13 would force all online platforms to police and prevent the uploading of copyrighted content, or make people seek the correct licenses to post that content. Internet platforms hosting large amounts of user-uploaded content must monitor user behaviour and filter their contributions to identify and prevent copyright infringement.

Such filters will be mandatory for platforms including YouTube, Facebook, Tumblr, Reddit and Instagram, but also much smaller websites.

cyberchibi reblogged

mr-connor

nunlaser

don’t do ra9 kids

cyberchibi reblogged

picmurasaki

distortiondevil

cyberchibi

Overwatch

I play on the PS4, mainly Hanzo for quick play, and every time the enemy has a McCree or a Genji I'm like "Fuck the objective, bye team" and go hunting because what do these little shits think they're doing going against me? The McCree and Genji on my team get protected by me as much as I can with Hanzo, especially Genji because dumbass little bros run in head first all the time and "I've lost you once and will not do so again" When playing Zenyatta my orb is on Genji majority of the time and I Transcend during his ultimate or when he's about to die to keep him safe When playing Genji I hunt Hanzo, McCree and Zenyatta. Hanzo because of fun sibling rivalry, McCree because I want to see if he is worthy of Hanzo and I go after Zenyatta, mostly just injuring him and backing out, as it's just playful banter between the two Of course, if at any point during the game I get waved at, I will wave back and no longer target them. This has happened with a couple of Genji's while I was playing Hanzo I am such trash with this game, honestly XD

#mchanzo #genyatta

cyberchibi reblogged

coleshanzo

It’s kind of relaxing seeing McHanzo shippers on PS4 (seems like everyone’s on PC D’:) it’s funny because they both stared at it until the match started

cyberchibi

Love finding other shippers on PS4, shame I don't find many

cyberchibi reblogged

twisting-vine-x

Anonymous asked:

OH MY GOD DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT JOHN IS FUCKING MARRIED TO A WOMAN IN THE BOOK?!?!? IF THEY DON'T MAKE JOHN STRAIGHT, IT WILL BE A GREAT INJUSTICE DONE TO BOTH THE AUTHOR AND THE BOOKS.

wsswatson answered:

Ah, hello, Person Of Immense Politeness. I suspect you’re here to talk about my OTP. Luckily for you, I’m in a good mood, so I’m going to go through this nice and rationally.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I am aware of that. As it happens, I’m an English literature student, and have not only read all 4 novels and 56 short stories, but studied them in depth. I’m writing a series of essays on them at the moment, actually.
Perhaps you’re unaware of other adaptations, so let me inform you that in The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, Holmes is gay (see point 6), in Elementary, Watson is a woman, Moriarty is also Irene Adler and the series is set in New York, and in Basil the Great Mouse Detective, the characters are mice. Also, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle cared very little for Sherlock Holmes, even going as far to say that ‘If in 100 years I am only known as the man who invented Sherlock Holmes then I will have considered my life a failure’, and, despite claiming that ‘Holmes is as inhuman as a Babbage’s Calculating Machine, and just about as likely to fall in love’ in 1892, he later wrote a play, and when appealed to by William Gillette, who was to portray Holmes, for permission to alter his character, Doyle replied ‘You may marry him, murder him, or do anything you like to him.' He didn’t care about his characters being altered.
You are completely avoiding historical social context. In the Victorian era, men could not marry men and women could not marry women. In fact, homosexuality was a criminal offence in Britain until 1967 and the Marriage Equality Bill was only passed in England THIS YEAR. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s close friend, Oscar Wilde, was sentenced to two years of hard labour which so severely damaged his health that he died 3 years later as punishment for ‘gross indecency’, i.e. homosexuality. Do you know what was used against him in court? The Picture of Dorian Gray - his novel - because it contained homoerotic subtext. Doyle wanted to portray Watson as a heart in contrast to Holmes’ head, and as such, he had to be romantic. Heteroromance was the only option in the period in which he was writing. Also, arguably the only reason that Watson was even originally given a wife was that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wanted to conclude the Sherlock Holmes narrative after The Sign of Four, and so needed a reason for Holmes and Watson to go their separate ways. When he then returned to it, Mary’s presence made the stories clunky and repetitive through Watson’s repetitive descriptions of how Holmes would contact him and he’d say goodbye to Mary to go with him on a case, and so Sir Arthur Conan Doyle made use of a time jump to write Mary out in a single line when he made his third reluctant revival of the narrative with The Adventure of the Empty House.
That said, the canon did contain plenty of homoerotic and homoromantic subtext which queer literary critics have been studying since its publication.
Men don’t have to be straight to marry women. Wilde was predominantly attracted to men (many consider him biromantic and homosexual), and he was married to a woman called Constance Lloyd. In the Victorian era, marriage was nowhere near so much based on love as it is today - it was about money, power, status, convenience, all kinds of things. Now, I do believe that Watson loved Mary Morstan (and that Wilde loved Constance Lloyd), but this context is important to recognise. In any case, biromantic/sexual and panromantic/sexual men marry women. That doesn’t make them unable to also experience romantic and/or sexual attraction to men. John never says that he is straight, only that he isn’t gay (true) and isn’t Sherlock’s date (also true). That’s very open-ended phrasing that doesn’t rule out attraction to men/a man (and, in fact, series 3 creates plenty of space for a bisexual reading). In fact, even straight people are capable of finding themselves sexually and/or romantically attracted to a member of the same sex. The concept of exceptions to personal rules and the fluidity of sexuality was a key theme in A Scandal in Belgravia.
The writers were influenced by The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes* (on which Mark Gatiss said: ‘The relationship between Sherlock and Watson is treated beautifully; Sherlock effectively falls in love with him in the film’ and on which the writer, Billy Wilder, said that he wished he’d had the ability to make Holmes unambiguously gay) and deliberately establish homoerotic and homoromantic subtext. In fact, at Anatomy of a Hit, they said that they regard all adaptations to be part of an ongoing canon, and draw as much influence from them as from the canon. For instance, A Scandal in Belgravia was much more closely based on The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes than A Scandal in Bohemia.* more on this interview here
On that note, I’m immensely amused that you are so scandalised by the concept of Holmes and Watson being written into a romantic relationship, yet have no issues with the fact that the stories have been translated into the 21st century (a decision which, at Anatomy of a Hit, the writers stated they felt automatically provided them with ‘license to be heretical’), that Irene Adler was portrayed as a lesbian dominatrix, that the meaning of ‘RACHE’ was inverted, that the Reichenbach Falls were exchanged for St. Bart’s Hospital, that Mary Morstan was portrayed as a contract killer and that Charles Augustus’ surname was changed from Milverton to Magnussen to account for his change of nationality from English to Danish and that he was portrayed as the head of a media corporation.
It is possible to ship something in fanon without wanting it to become canon. There is also nothing wrong with wanting something that you enjoy to happen on screen and hence be more accessible to you, particularly if that thing would also be socially beneficial by providing (much needed) positive representation to marginalised groups.
Shipping makes me happy. Fandom makes me happy. Sherlock makes me happy. It’s extremely rude of you to come into my ask box under the cowardly cover of anonymity to try to take that happiness away from me (you failed completely, I might add), when it literally affects you in exactly 0 ways.