date a girl who is a home and an adventure all at once

Date a girl who doubles as a haunted house

ur mom hands u a glass of orange juice. u take a sip. its not orange juice. its stirred egg yolks. u spit them all out. u ask ur mom why. she turns around. its not ur mom. its me. ur mom is gone. im ur mother now

these old spice commercials have been getting really crazy lately 

More dog snaps

hmmm

A tall man who thinks being 6'4" is a personality: I’m 6'4" Me, leaving them on read:

Yeah but I haven’t needed a claw to reach the top shelf since I was 7 so stay mad about it shrimp

And I haven’t needed a 6'4" man since I got my reaching claw.

Went straight for their kneecaps on that one

Somewhere between (งಠ_ಠ)ง and  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  every day.

Ah the ever elusive ¯\_( ಠ_ಠ)_/¯

I’m more like (งツ)ง tbh.

The Wichita Beacon, Kansas, August 9, 1918

imagine going back to 1918 and hearing someone say idk on the street

Lion King (1994) explaining the importance of stylized 2D animation: Lion King (2019) and Cats (2019):

Kimba The White Lion (1965) explaining the importance of an original idea:

Lion King (1994) Lion King (2019) Cats (2019)

Shakespeare (1564) explaining the importance of an original idea:

Kimba the White Lion (1965), The Lion King (1994), The Lion King (2019), Cats (2019):

Saxo Grammaticus (c. 1160 – c. 1220) explaining the importance of understanding that all creative work is inherently derivative once you study the oral tradition of storytelling and history and that’s okay because generations have always reformatted tropes and themes to make them relatable to their current audiences 

Shakespeare (1564), Kimba the White Lion (1965), The Lion King (1994), The Lion King (2019), Cats (2019):

The story of the Distant Goddess is absolute proof that it’s a crime that Ancient Egyptian mythology hasn’t entered the popular conciousness in the same way as Greek stuff.

Short, super paraphrased version: Ra is sick of humanity being rebellious wee bastards, so he sends a goddess as an embodiment of his vengeance, usually Sekhmet in the form of a great fuckoff lion - first to the southern deserts to wipe out the followers of Set. She does so, and then for unspecified reasons, Ra decides maybe humanity is redeemable hey call off the murderlion. But being an embodiment of pure divine retribution, she isn’t really having it.

So Ra sends Thoth out in an effort to soothe the goddess before she arrives in the north and wipes out everything including the gods (she’s just that strong). He’s terrified, but he tries all sorts of cunning and wisdom and trickery and tells her moral tales and all that, but all he can do is delay her.

In the meantime, Ra’s priests of the north are hard at work. They brew thousands of barrels of beer, and mix pots and pots red dye. And when the goddess inevitably arrives, they mix it up and pour it into the reeds of the nile. Believing it to be the spilled blood of her enemies, she drinks it up proudly… And gets EXTREMELY drunk, calming down and transforming into Hathor, goddess of joy and love.

And once a year to celebrate this momentous occasion, Egyptians would get Absolutely Plastered.

I didn’t find details on the exact date, but some cross-googling suggests the festival occured around the start of the Nile flood season, which is in mid-July.

Anyone got a more precise date?

Well, the traditional beginning of the flood season varies from year to year based on the first rise of the star Sirius before sunrise, and also marks the beginning of the ancient Egyptian new year. The Festival of Drunkenness would be held about 20 days after that.

Sirius’ rise - which varies around the world based on longitude, but basing it on Egypt for consistency’s sake - happens on the 24th of July in 2018.

So if you want to get smashed on behalf of an angry cat, the 13th of August is the day to mark down.

Today’s the day fuckers, get smashed on behalf of a cat.

I am Upset that I was not informed of this in time, so I am scheduling this post for next summer so we can plan properly next time

Thanks for the reminder.

This year the ancient new year is roughly the 2nd of August in Cairo.

Therefore Turbosmash For Angry Cat Day 2019 is the 22nd of August

Now that seems like a fun holiday to add to the year.

Today’s the day!

you can’t make me read this

character concept: the best trick archer in the world, the trick to which is that he’s actually not an archer at all, he’s a speedster and he can’t aim for shit, every time he takes a shot he actually just grabs the arrow, runs over to what he wants to stick, then runs back before anyone can see him move

he’s on a team with Heat Vision Man, who actually has no heat vision and is another speedster, he just glares at people then runs over and punches them and is back before they can see him move

(the entire team is actually just composed of speedsters who all use their speed in different ways, and they all pretend otherwise in front of their teammates)

The only speedster on their team is actually a teleporter

They all have imposter syndrome because, no matter how fast they speed up, they still can’t see him move. “He’s a real speedster,” they all think. “I’m just a washed up fastguy who needs to pretend I’m a different kind of hero. I’m so scared he’ll tell the others.”

Coming in Marvel phase 5:

Anxiety Squad

true romance

a sequel

Death to Fascism 

“If fascism could be defeated in debate, I assure you that it would never have happened, neither in Germany, nor in Italy, nor anywhere else.” – Frank Frison, Holocaust survivor

Sound advice from one of the members of the Mackenzie-Papineau Battalion - Canadian antifa volunteers that fought against the fascists in the Spanish Civil War. 

I honestly believe the whole “adults require less sleep” thing is honest to god probably a myth created by capitalism

It is.

i honestly believe that sleep deprivation is the biggest ignored/neglected root cause of health dangers that prematurely kill adults

ask me sometime about the role of sleep in the leptin ghrelin cycle and how its interruption destabilizes weight homeostasis

or about the new research showing that heart disease is not caused by fat, like we thought for years, but by inflammation in the circulatory system whose root cause is unknown but one of the prime suspects is, you guessed it, sleep deprivation

but nobody wants to hear that lack of sleep is killing people. employers don’t want to hear it. and god knows that having sold their waking hours to capitalism to survive workers don’t want to lose the only time they have left to them to live their lives, mostly stolen from sleep

i mean even i don’t want to do anything about it and i love  sleep, i just love overwatch more

this this this this this

our society places almost zero value on sleep

on enough sleep

on uninterrupted sleep

on regular, predictable, cycling sleep

all the evidence we have suggests sleep is really, really, really important to the processes of the human body, including both mental and physical health, and yet when was the last time you heard somebody suggest that people had a *right* to sufficient, regular sleep?

Reminder that 

- Humans are not meant to sleep for extended periods of uninterrupted sleep. 

By this I don’t mean “humans shouldn’t have 8+ hours of sleep a night”; I mean that we are supposed to sleep for four to five hours (ish), then get up and do something relaxing like reading for a half hour to an hour, then get another bout of four to five hours. This is what our bodies were designed for. 

Sleeping the whole night through was a fad started with the advent of the lightbulb. Sleeping the whole night through is so recent (and artificial) that First Sleep and Second Sleep are mentioned in Dickens’ novels.

- Lack of sleep for even a single night severely compromises your immune system.

If you’re planning on getting little sleep or pulling an all-nighter, make sure to eat lots of fruit and veggies/take vitamins that day. Or even better, get yourself some bee propolis. It’s a natural remedy used for thousands of years in Latin America and is insanely good for boosting up compromised immune systems (if you get the drop kind, put 3 to 4 drops in a spoonful of honey and mix well with a 2nd spoon to mask the strong taste). It has no side effects and is all but impossible to overdose on.

- According to several government bodies around the world, chronic lack of sleep is literally tied for 1st place as the worst kind of torture (the other is solitary isolation)

- Expecting a teen to get up for 8:30 classes is the equivalent of expecting an adult to be at work at 4 am.

After babies, teens are the age group that needs the most amount of sleep. Puberty is exhausting, and the body needs time to recharge. Ideally, a teen should be getting between 10 to 12 hours of sleep at the bare minimum. Most teens are lucky if they manage to get 8. And that’s a gigantic problem; not only does lack of sleep affect mood (which is extra significant when your hormones are already riding a rollercoaster to begin with), but also has massive effects on growth, which is kinda what the whole puberty thing is supposed to be about.

- According to research “starting work before 10 a.m. is tantamount to torture and is making staff sick and stressed”

- Humans were not designed to have the same sleep cycle across the species. Much the opposite in fact.

Night owls and morning people are an actual thing. Because we’re pack creatures, Nature came up with a clever way for our ancestors to always have someone on the lookout for predators and threats: make people naturally alert at varying times so that there’s always someone alert to keep watch. 

Forcing night owls to follow morning people’s sleep cycle means night owls live with what researchers have referred to as “permanent jetlag”.

“Adults need less sleep” means “adults need 8-9 hours and teens need 10-12,” not “adults need 6 and teens need 7-8.” 

when ppl act like leaving gifts for fairies is to get the fairies’ attention so they’ll be kind to you~~ when really leaving gifts for fairies is the supernatural equivalent of a mafia protection racket

gotta pay off the Mab

introducing my newest original character, a prophet who doesn't believe in prophecies

they just think they're really good at predicting stuff

them, after the events they predicted based on cryptic symbolism in their dreams come to pass for the third time this week: i mean, what are the odds, right?

(receiving a prophetic vision from an angelic emissary) what the FUCK was in that edible