babe wake up first usa stripper union jus won !!!!!!
Maurice
Maurice
Maurice
Maurice
I'm begging of you, please don't take my man
cc: Who thinks, uh, Watson is too heavy? Raise your hand if you think Watson is too heavy.
*short cut*
Does anybody think he’s too skinny?
audience member: no.
No? M'kay..So uh, I’m very proud of you guys. You get a 100 percent. Uh, he’s perfect
*upbeat music plays as it zooms in on the dog*
The miserable wizard reading that his favorite spell, “instant painful organ failure IV” has been banned by the council, closing his newspaper and crying softly to himself while a light misting or rain falls outside
for as many stupid idiots there are that will think your creations are dumb, there is at least an equal amount of smart idiots who think they’re profound. Just make some stuff.
when people are like “the hunger games just stole the plot of battle royale” like listen everything steals from the plot of everything the lion king is just furry hamlet westworld is jurassic park but sexier lost is edgy gilligan’s island there are no original stories and the only good piece of media is jennifer’s body
Michael crichton wrote westworld and jurassic park tho so he just pirated himself
michael crichton keeps TRYING to tell y’all about the evils of capitalism impeding on the progress of science when will y’all LISTEN
Maybe he just doesn’t like theme parks
michael crichton in line for a roller coaster at six flags: fuck this
Jesus Christ, that’s the height at which every rollercoaster and dark ride is a decapitation threat
how am I ever supposed to leave tumblr when it takes me on journeys like this
Telepathic aliens enjoy that humans will "play music" for hours at a time. When it's too mentally quiet on deck, they just announce the catchiest song titles they know and the humans will start thinking about it automatically.
The humans hate this so, so much.
Zorf: Human Steve, can you please play that song I like, the one with all the females
Steve: what
Zorf: A little bit of Monica in my life
Steve:
Steve: mother fu--
Zorf: Ah, ah ah Human Steve; not the whole song. Just play these particular eight bars over and over and over
Steve: (gnashing teeth and tearing out hair)
Zorf: Mmmm perfect.
"A rare photo of a telecom technician hatching. He even still has parts of the eggshell on his head."
till deactivation do us part
im so sad this is from a deactivated blog i feel like i just found a heartfelt message in an old locket at a garage sale











