now all we need is jensen to reply to misha

i was literally JUST making a post about how it’s the last day of pride so i can’t wait to see what misha posts and then he replies to jensen’s tweet. i cannot make this shit up

SEE.

A Eulogy and Obituary for Dagny Ayn September 13, 1978 -- February 2023.

I am devastated beyond words to share that the wonderful Dagny Ayn (who you may know as daynz or meta_castiel on twitter) is no longer with us. Her sudden passing is a shock and the urge to speculate on details is understandable, but I hope we can focus on her light instead, because Dagny doesn't deserve to have her life defined by how it ended. Dagny did not receive the recognition of her life and memorialization of her existence that she deserved out in the real world, so I thought to give it to her here, as well as create a place for those of us who loved her to come together and grieve, to share about her memory as we should.

Dagny was here. Please read and celebrate her life with me.

To do it online seems right. I truly believe Dagny would approve. The online Supernatural fandom (and especially the Destiel-friendly spaces), served as her community, her chosen family. Like so many of us, fandom was her life vest, her social circle, her escape from the harshness of the non-virtual world, and the source of most joy in her life. To anyone who knew her, it was no secret as to how much Dagny loved this little corner of the internet.

On a personal note, Dagny was one of the first people I connected with after joining the fandom, and we immediately bonded over our mutual love for Buffy and Supernatural. Especially Willow/Tara, Misha Collins, Castiel, and Destiel. We shared many similar life struggles, from past trauma and complex parental relationships to mental health and disability challenges to a lack of IRL support and chronic loneliness.

The friend group I shared with her and @coinofstone was one of the safest places I have ever known. Talking to Dagny never failed to leave me feeling heard and understood. I hope I was able to do the same for her.

Dagny was strong. Despite the many obstacles life constantly hurled in her direction, she was always looking forward and moving towards the future. She saw the best in people, even those who failed her, those who didn't deserve her grace and forgiveness. She loved her mother more than anything in the world, and Chelsea, her cat, a very close second.

(she would definitely want me to show you Chelsea!) When Dagny's mother and main support system passed unexpectedly in recent years, Dagny was handed a new armful of struggles and asked to face an uncertain future without the person she loved most and with barely enough resources to survive. She was uprooted from her home and moved clear across the country, losing so much in the process and dropped in a precarious situation. Despite all of that, she had big goals for herself. She was working hard to build the life she wanted despite a major lack of family & IRL support as well as her own demons.

Dagny was amazing at appreciating the simplest things. A free coffee at Tim's, some stickers in the mail, or a small windfall that allowed her to purchase a meal kit from the grocery store would brighten her entire week and she would gush about how happy she was for days. When she first moved cities after losing her mom, she talked about how thrilled she felt to have big windows and a view of the city, as she'd lived in a basement walkout for years. Her enthusiasm for those things, even in the face of great struggle, was always humbling and contagious.

Dagny was easy to love.

As for fandom, Dagny especially loved Misha, Castiel, and Destiel, and did so fiercely. She read tens of thousands of words of fanfic every day, frequently messaging me from the bus to complain about rowdy passengers "interrupting her gay porn". One time, she lost her phone and worried to me (from her laptop) about losing her entire collection of fanart, 100+ AO3 tabs, and the SPN-related photos she had saved, unconcerned about the actual phone and her ability to contact IRLs.

With what little extra money Dagny had (and how infrequently she could be convinced to treat herself), she enjoyed collecting fandom merch, especially items made by her favorite fan artists. She ALWAYS had a Destiel case from redbubble on her phone! Her Ace pin from Stands was a treasured item.

Dagny greatly admired Misha's missions and charity work very much, following GISH closely and always striving to share and his boost campaigns and those of other cast members. She would often express that she wished she could do or donate more, even while she struggled to provide bare essentials for herself. Dagny was selfless like that.

As full as her phone was with saved memes, cast photos, Castiel/Destiel art, and fanfic links, it was equally brimming with people who loved Dagny herself. She often expressed how happy and connected seeing notifications on her social posts made her feel, how loved she felt by her friends and fellow shippers.

Discovering the Ace spectrum through fandom empowered Dagny to feel confident in expressing her identity, allowing her to name and define a feeling and concept she could never quantify before. She felt very strongly about wearing her Ace pride on her sleeve. We spoke many times about the power of fandom and online community to turn shame and confusion into confidence and love, and Dagny truly embraced that concept. She was a wonderful role model for embracing your true self.

Dagny had many hopes for a bright future. She was trying to find a job and gain more financial independence, and she had a whole plan to do so. She was smart and motivated. She was also haunted and wrestled constantly with demons that just wouldn't let her go.

We talked frequently about finally meeting at an SPN convention, once she was able. One of Dagny's dreams was to have a photo op with Misha as Castiel, and we spent many nights planning excitedly for a theoretical day that we hoped would come. Since then, she fell in love with Heartstopper and dipped into other fandoms and was living her best online life. Dagny had so much room in her heart.

So many things, not the least of which were time and borders, kept us from ever meeting in person, but our friendship was no less real for those barriers.

To Dagny: family doesn't end in blood. Jen and I both love you and choose you back. We know you were here. You made an impact and we'll never forget you. This wasn't supposed to be the end of the road, but you taught me that sometimes life has other plans and there's nothing to do but roll with them.

Until we meet again, my friend. thank you for being you.

If you would like to do something to honor Dagny, her life, and her passions, she would want you to donate to The Castiel Project. It's particularly fitting, as besides being a beloved project to her, Dagny also deserved a happy ending that just wasn't in the cards.

Please feel free to leave your memories and/or love for Dagny here.

This is such a lovely eulogy/tribute for one of our SPN angels. Dags was one of the first people who befriended me on Twitter through SPN fandom. I hope she knows how much she meant to all of us. May she rest in peace 🌹 🕊️❤️‍🩹

Dean Winchester and naked dudes

A catalogue of the times Dean Winchester has happened upon the naked male form:

In 1.07, a half naked man offers to let Dean paint him. He declines, puts his reluctant little brother to the task and sits back to browse through a magazine called Backside. Dean steals a few looks, not that subtly. We cut from the scene to the image of half-naked Christ on a cross.

In 2.05, we get full frontal Ash. The scene is curious. Sam and Dean are heavily contrasted. Sam bangs on his door and calls his name several times, but he doesn’t answer. Dean waltzes in and knows the magic word, calling Ash by the name Dr. Badass, intuitively knowing what Ash needs. He answers the door to Dean immediately.

Stark naked.

Sam is taken aback briefly, but schools his eyes to Ash’s face and goes about his business like it’s no big deal. Not Dean.

Dean… gets a load of Ash’s goods and screws his eyes shut. His reaction is overblown. He avoids looking at the man in an extremely pronounced way. His reaction is not in proportion to what is happening in the scene. The casual viewer will read this as evidence of upstanding heterosexual Dean Winchester having a moment of gay panic. That’s not even close to what’s happening, though, when you take in the context, the framing scenes. Because just afore, he had dodged the eyes of Jo, his designated female love interest at the time, in the same way. A lot of people missed the way Jo and Ash were framed and off-set for Dean. He basically has the same reaction to Jo and to Ash, but Ash is way more naked.

And afterwards? After Ash puts on some clothes, Dean is hovering behind him (again the scene is set with Dean between Ash and Jo), way closer than he needs to be while Sam is casual, all business, sitting at the table. A heterosexual dude that just burned his eyes with unwanted mandick would not have positioned himself like Dean did. Dean isn’t acting like a man who got an eye.full of something he didn’t want to see. Dean is acting like someone who saw something that hurt.

In 5.07, Dean checks out a naked dude and tells him he looks great.

It has been pointed out several times how needless it was for Dean to uncover the man’s nakedness with regards to the case. The thing we don’t talk about in connection with this episode is how Dean doesn’t check out the two Asian hookers, not while they’re on the bed as the boys barge into the room, and not while the girls are exiting the room. Asian hookers, which we have been lead to believe are his fetish of choice. His attention is focused on Cliff the whole time. And while he’s passing his judgement on Cliff as hey leave, he takes one last look, I’m sure wanting to make sure the birth mark is still there, through the robe.

In 5.14, Dean checks out a naked dude’s dick again.

Again, his reaction is contrasted with that of Sam. We get no reaction shot of Sam toward dick, and his level of non-comfort with being hugged by a naked man is in proportion. No one likes it, Castiel says.

This episode was about hunger, and while Dean described himself as well-fed and Famine theorized that Dean had a void inside, he looked like a hungry-hungry hippo throughout the episode with regards to men. Make of that what you will.

In 5.19 Dean gets a full frontal view of Ganesh, who tells him it’s not a peep show. The god had a very large trunk.

Dean is surprised since he thought he saw an elephant. But he does not look displeased by what he saw.

In 6.14 Dean stops to check whether the male mannequin doll is anatomically correct. It isn’t. Dean checks out the doll’s junk three times just to be sure.

In 7.16 Dean volunteers with due enthusiasm to retrieve a cursed object from a man and leaves Sam to retrieve one from a woman. The cursed object is a gentlemen’s magazine, so Dean goes in with the expectation of seeing something erotic. It is revealed that Dean caught the man in medias res, likely masturbating himself to death. Dean does not elaborate to Sam on what he witnessed. Make note that when ever they split up, Dean usually makes the first choice and picks witnesses that are sexually attractive to him.

In 7.23 Dean gets to see Castiel naked, covered in bees, which he reports to his brother. Dean’s line can be parsed in two different ways: either Castiel showed up on his car naked or that Dean swears on his car that Castiel showed up naked. The likely scenario is that it was in answer to his prayer because the line is giving in response to Sam’s suggestion that they try calling Castiel again. In either cae, Dean seems much more perturbed by the bees than the nakedness.

In 8.16 Dean sees Shane-Prometheus naked in the morgue, laid down on a table, dead. After he wakes up, he wraps a thin morgue cloth around him, which is the only thing he’s wearing when Dean hauls his ass back and slams him against an operating table. Dean attempts to keep his eyes above the guy’s neck but isn’t entirely successful. Later he checks out the man’s rear as he exits the motel room and projects on Sam his desire to perform a cavity check on Shane.

In 10.01, we’re shown that demonic Dean Winchester is comfortable with allowing another man to see his nakedness. 

In 10.12, Sam comes to Dean with a case of missing naked people. As far as Dean knows, they’re all men. The one confirmed case Sam shows him is a man, whose photo Dean enlarges.

And then Dean tells his brother: “About time this gig got an R-rating“ before handing the tablet back to him. R-rating for nudity. Regarding naked men. To spell it out for you: he’s not passing judgement on the idea of naked men, he is expressing a wistful yearning to have more naked men in his life. He’s come a long way.

I hear you, Dean. I hear you, man.

We come a full circle in 10.21 where Eldon Styne bears himself to Dean, conducting himself in an aggressively sensual manner because he’s a creepy sexual predator.

He not only shows his naked midriff, he also calls attention lower on his body by mentioning the “Bunch of extra muscle, especially in the legs.“ The natural inclination for any observer, especially one conducting an investigation on weird shit, would be to see this extra muscle for himself. Dean, though?

Dean looks at neither his midriff nor at his legs. An he doesn’t convulsively screw his eyes shut like he did with Ash. He keeps his eyes on the man’s face. Professional. Only, he’s doing the opposite of what any straight dude would do in the situation. He’s keeping himself in check. If naked dudes were something that did nothing for him generally, he wouldn’t need to check himself. He wouldn’t need to not look at the dude’s weird surgical scar and his extra leg muscles. But Dean is into naked dudes. So he doesn’t check out Eldon Styne because Eldon Styne is the job.

STACKEDNATURAL ⇉ 93/327 (part 1)

🍰 Tag list: @avanatural @undisputedchick @jranutter @fortheloveof-jackles @kazsrm67 @muchamusedaboutnothing @b3autyfuldisast3r @breath-of-snow-and-ashes @bluedragonflylady @unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men @mrsjenniferwinchester 🥧

Please do not repost without credit.

Gif of Mark and Misha. Mish with the cuffed jeans, croc loafers, and crossed leg my beloved.💕💕💕

Misha + Others at the Saturday Night Cabaret at DallasCon 2014

product placement

Put your tongue back in your mouth, sir.

YEAH DEAN (Dallascon 2014)

Boboverse XII (addendum II)

Kicking and screaming, we have to talk about 15x18 to get through the remaining roster. CUZ FUCK ALL.

Yockey is credited with 14x14, "Ouroboros" and this is where things get gray and fuzzy because Ouroboros uses a lot of the same methodology, theme and occult archetypes as episodes credited to Bobo. Yet Bobo is one the who gets a fuck ton of flack while other writes utilize a lot of the same messaging and story arch structures and toxic fans tut tut the similarities and cry BADWRITINGITSALLBOBO'SFAULTHEJUSTHATESDEAN/CAS.

So, "Ouroboros" gets the Bobo treatment because I said so.

The part that PROVES implicitly that Destiel is canon and that Dean's romantic love is reciprocated is the deal with The Empty itself, ie "Soul Mates." Because of Castiel's own words: "It's in just saying it." Up until now Dean and Cas had not *said the thing* for whatever reason you can head canon on your own, because there are a million reasons that DeanCas never *said the thing* but because the "moment of happiness" was NOT in Castiel realizing he loves Dean OR in Dean *saying the thing.* They knew somehow some way. If Castiel's romantic love HAD NOT BEEN RECIPROCATED then The Empty would have been summoned AFTER Dean said, "Me too." The Empty grabbed Castiel after he says "I love you," but that wasn't the moment it was summoned.

So the moment of happiness ISN'T Cas realizing he loves Dean or knowing that Dean loves him (otherwise The Empty would not be summoned until AFTER Dean said it back). Although, it would make sense how that singular line could change "the moment" entirely, but the proof of romantic love and Castiel's fate being interwoven with Dean's is still THERE.

Almost, like...there were perhaps safeguards in place to ensure that romantic love was still subtextually confirmed if a more textual confirmation was expunged. :thonkering:

Now whatever happened in the post-production, WILL WE EVER KNOW? But the proof of romantic love still stands in the moment The Empty is summoned.

I also love/hate this episode, but it's another arch stone in the Destiel is canon archway, 15x18 being the Keystone.

We have a gay villian, I'm always a fan of gay villians. A male Gorgon, a gender-bent gay villian no less.

In the opener, we get a glimpse of your average gay, cooking a gourmet meal out of his prey with an attention to detail that would humble Gordon Ramsey only to be ever so rudely interrupted by our four hunters trying to kill him.

We get a criminally small amount of Rowena being bitchy and blaming the boys for all their own problems and why the hell does she always have to clean up after you four only to have you boys complain more.

Soft Dean and Cas moment with Dean insisting everything is FINE and Cas :pleadingeyes: for Dean to be honest with his fears.

Jack is a dog.

Gay villian speaks the devastating truth that "sometimes fate is cruel and boring." [laughs hysterically in foreshadowing]

The Gorgon is a demigod. Jack is considered "a demigod" with his mytharc origin of a human mother and a cosmic father. Throughout season 14 and 15 Jack is coupled with snake imagery. Calling back to the orphic (auric) egg.

And wouldn't you know it, but the orphic egg is The World which encapsulates and joins The Moon and The Sun in tarot as well as occult imagery.

Mythologically speaking ouroboros is the World Eater. Sounds damning, but within this destruction a New World is created from the destruction of the Old World. So when Maggie says the only way to kill the Gorgon is to cut off his head...that's ha. Quite the ironic joke, Yockey.

Dadstiel moment, but the remaining time with Jack is the proving ground for the "completion" of his story arc. Cas tells Jack he always has himself (FF to The Empty and Cas being *complete*) as well as Jack consuming Michael (his uncle or The Old World) and Jack declaring...

"Baby" Jack has his "Cas is my Daddy and Don't You Forget It" moment.

Jack declaring himself a Winchester might seem like a feel good moment, and it is, but it also documents the eventual subversion of Chuck's Order with Jack declaring individuality and "Chosen Family" [hello @mattchoen4real*] over inheritance.

A lot of ground to cover for an episode that, no doubt, got more attention for the unapologetic, flamboyant gay villian than for the occult methodology. :shrug:

* #ChosenFamily

do you ever have a conversation and think “I am not heterosexual enough for this”