something im noticing is the redditors are just commenting on everything via reblogs with reckless abandon. and its so funny bc thats how youre MEANT to use this fucking website but we've trained ourselves out of it somehow.
I feel like a fucking chimp raised in a lab let out into the wild and just doing shit without understanding wtf is going on because I was raised to click the button to get cookie
look, that one's trying to upvote
forbiddencronch
What a wiggly strawberry macaroon !
gaystation-4
THIS IS BIG BIG BIG! YES!
NO MORE FED USE OF PRIVATE PRISONS!
President Biden signed the executive order January 27, 2021. This is the first time I’ve even heard of this. Here are a couple of links with more info:
Sun Tzu is so fucking funny to me because for his time he was legitimately a brilliant tactician but a bunch of his insight is shit like "if you think you might lose, avoid doing that", "being outnumbered is bad generally", and "consider lying."
My personal favourite is his lengthy lecture on the subject of Supplies Being Very Important I Cannot Stress Enough The Importance Of Protecting Your Supply Lines But Also Supply Lines Are Expensive As Shit So Steal The Enemy’s Supplies At Every Opportunity.
One of the more important things to consider about any historical work is the audience it was published for. The Art Of War was aimed at fancy nobles high on philosophy with little practical military experience who were nonetheless leading armies.
Sun Tzu, after desperatly trying to explain extremely basic logic to a bunch of upper-class twits, basically sat down and wrote the most elaborate "As per my last email" ever
the art of war is tedious and irritating when you read it as like, immortal prose by the most brilliant man ever to kick ass. but it’s incredibly fucking funny when you realize that sun tzu had to write every single one of those entries because someone somewhere did not know this ahead of time and made a really, really expensive oopsie doodles.
have you seen whats happening
update they took it away again after he quote retweeted a tweet saying that it was illegal
I need as many people as possible to watch this video from the official Angry Birds tiktok or else I'll get a fucking hemorrhage
ok. listen. it’s about your girlfriend. you know how we thought she was a crop-blighting witch and we were planning to stone her? so, here’s the thing. every stone we threw drew not blood but like, the black and fathomless rage of a race of titans that were once slain but could not die. and she like, rose from her hastily-shoveled roadside grave as their resubstantiated champion or something. yeah, we’re suffering the onslaught of her vengeance right now. yeah. I guess we inadvertently created that which we had so feared. yeahh. could you like, answer her texts and ask if she’ll stop sloughing our flesh with her baleful gaze every time she sees us. thx in advance
you’re simping. calves are stillborn in the fields, food rots on the plate, holy symbols for miles around are tarnished black, and you’re simping.
god I just. love ruthlessness as a character trait so much. sexy sexy sexy
this one. absolutely in love with this definition. give me a character who thinks like this and I’ll love them to pieces
Katherine Applegate is fucking hardcore, man.
This would be the K.A. Applegate who wrote Animorphs, so, um, yeah, "hardcore" would absolutely be a fair assessment.
/understatement of the century
good god when the roast beast hits..
cool little factoid I made this post as I was having a genuine panic attack on 600 micrograms of lsd in the middle of downtown Denver because I lost my wallet. like this was me operating at peak efficiency
i am thinking how much poorer, how much less colorful the world would be if art was only made by "professionals." if all the music, all the stories, all the sketches & paintings & craftwork of the world was created only by the small category of people able to make a decent living from their art. imagine if the only people allowed to create were the experts & the renowned & those aspiring to the top. what a grey world that would be. how much joy would be bleached away! i love you people who create for the sake of creating, i love you artists who do art for tiny audiences, i love you people who make things even just for one person, even just for themselves, even if no one's watching, thank you thank you thank you for decorating the world in which we all exist
mikeyfriskeyhands
My brother saved this document and everytime he gets angry at our neighbours for being loud he prints it to their wireless printer and you can hear the wife shout “Why the fuck would you print this AGAIN?!” to her son.
auntytimblr
every time we serve chicken at work i think of this post
1. If you were wondering, you can type the numbers in the works cited into google and they appear to be medical journal articles about using medical imaging to detect and diagnose a rare form of Gastritis.
2. Please enjoy the offical powerpoint presentation of this paper at an academic conference by the original author, complete with Q&A:
zillyart32
THIS IS GOLD
oh m god please watch the video it’s some of the most contagious laughter on the planet
When I saw this cross my dash tonight, I smiled and thought “yess, the chicken chicken chicken post, I get to reblog it again and inflict it on all of the people that have followed me since last time”, and then I scrolled down more and to my utter delight there was A VIDEO, needless to say my night has been made
eliciaforever
I HAVE NOT SEEN THE CHICKEN VIDEO IN TEN DAMN YEARS HOLY SHIT
STILL FUNNY
lazerzes
One time a customer got access to our printers and printed this to all of them. It was a great day
This is the academic equivalent of Alex Lifeson’s “Blah Blah Blah Blah” speech and it’s GREAT
Someone reading this blog needs the chicken chicken chicken paper. I just know it.
Source: whatisgoingonpleasehelp
what d&d spell do you wish you could use in real life and why is it prestidigitation?
No. No, listen. Listen to me. Shut up about 'fireball'. If you're really that interested in arson, download the anarchists cookbook, coward. And shut up about teleportation, none of us asocial inside kids is prepared to deal with the consequences of a mishap, which will DEF happen if you use it frequently.
You know what has no chance of mishap and all chances of convenience? Prestidigi-fucking-tation.
Do you hate doing dishes? Poof. Every dish in a 5 foot cube is now clean. Even if you hardlined the rules as only applying to individual objects, less than 6 seconds to clean your curry tupper ware without getting those weird stains on it is worth it. never have to run a dish washer, never be without your favourite mug. And that's just dishes.
Hate laundry? Boom. You can just clean your clothes immediately after taking them off at night. Hate putting on your fitted sheet? Boom. Don't even take it off the bed. Your sink? Bathtub? Toilet? all of these things can be cleaned instantly and without needing any electricity and water guzzling machines. You can even do it on the go- stained your shirt? No you didn't. Sweat through your shirt? No the fuck you didn't. When you have prestidigitation, you are perpetually impeccable.
But wait, there's more! Prestidigitation doesn't just clean! Did your tea go cold? Boom, heat it up. Forget to put your wine in the fridge? Boom, now it's cold. Do you hate how water tastes? Boom- now it tastes like whatever you like. You will never again be forced to suffer a taste you don't enjoy with this one neat trick, because prestidigitation is technically like 5 tricks rolled into one convenient spell that is both practical and flashy.
Light candles with a snap of your fingers for dramatic effect! Conjure scissors from thin air! Create ominous whispers to follow you as you walk past your enemies! Leave a message on the wall that looks like dripping blood to remind your spouse to give the dog it's pills! Make an illusion of what haircut you want at the salon! and do all of that as many times as you want because we are cooking with cantrips baybe! You can even have multiple effects running simultaneously! The possibilities are as endless as the time, money, and frustration it will save you!
No other spell will give you more bang for your buck than prestidigitation. It is The spell, and every day it continues to be not real is a day I weep. I want this. YOU want this.
Presti
digi
tation
Ok but subtle spell catapult to gaslight people into thinking you have a ghost.
Or mage hand similarly
My dear you do not need magic to be a real life scooby-doo villain. You can do that with some gumption and basic stage production. But only magic can extricate us from the Sisyphean hell of laundry and dishes.
im excited to get top surgery bc oh blah blah disphoria back pain slouching not a girl but mainly because i have been planning for over a year a joke thats about to pay off:
my family does not know i am getting surgery so i made sure to get all the same bathings suits i wore last year in a new size and just straight up gas light my aunt about it
like imagine her. you go to the beach with your family one day. its a beautiful day and you are obsessed with commenting on peoples bodies. everyone begins removing their coverings and you are now seeing someone who, historically, has bazonga’d with the best of them. this person is no longer breasting boobily. child, you say, what has happened to your one redeeming feminine quality? the child responds, auntie wat the hell you tawking bout? ive always looked like this i literally wore this last year??
toxictiktoks
Obsessed with this
I love everything about this. 😍
It's cats, it's cute, it's educational, what more can you ask for?
“the worst they could say is no” true but while they are saying it they very well could hit me with force lightning like palpatine. From star war
this tiktok screenshot ruined my life i need to see the serbian pigeon movie so so badly but it doesn't exist it's so foul to make this bad of a point with something so cool and then take it away from me.
Tiktok marvel fans really will be out here like "movie fan SHOCKED because i'd rather watch superhero movie #54 in blue and not a sensual 1987 french horror film about a man discovering his wife may not exist set in what is gradually revealed to be a space station" as if you're supposed to agree that superhero movie #54 is the clear winner in this comparison
Love the idea of a story about a complex issue that's told from the perspective of something that cannot comprehend or care about the issue. The way the story would be sliced up and moments that a human would consider pointless would be focused on because the pigeon happened to be there would be hype as fuck
Ok FINE I made the movie poster of it
Mališa, otherwise known as Little One, is a pet pigeon owned by a conservative butler of the Austro-Hungarian aristocracy. She is loved, and she is pampered— until her owner is murdered in cold blood, and she is left to fend for herself in Sarajevo.
In the wilds of the city, she feeds from the poor, working nationalist radicals, and the vieux riches alike.
To Mališa, there are no ethical concerns. No politics. No burgeoning nationalism.
There are only hands that feed her, and hands that do not.
This is compelling. Consider me fucking compelled.
Final shot is the bird hearing, but not seeing, the sound of a .32 ACP pistol, and flying away in shock