I feel like if a vampire feeds on you without killing you, they should give you a lil cookie and cup of juice afterwards, like the blood donation center does.

"I wasted my 20s", cool man, just in time for all the gay sex and weird tattoos you're about to have in your 30s

[ID: slightly blurry tweet from X user jess (@jessokfine), reading:

/End ID.]

[ID: tiktok of a water dispenser designed to refill water bottles. It has a sensor halfway down - A day gecko stands over the sensor, causing the water to flow, and the gecko laps water from the stream. /end ID]

sound off everyone what’s the worst texture. just in anything. for me it’s ground beef not even a question

never ask a woman her age a man his salary your mutual how late it is in her timezone when she starts posting about that bisexual man

big fan of platonic expressions of devotion actually. yeah we're best friends of course i'd find you and hang out with you in every universe.

‘can you explain this gap in your resume’ oh yeah that’s when i was sealed in the cursed cube

“I don’t get it,” says the demon, “This person’s lived a perfectly good and virtuous life. Why are you sending them to hell?” The angel nervously rubs the back of their head. “Honestly? We’re pretty sure they’d be happier in hell than heaven.”

@ramlightly

Lets create a house where yelling means we’re having fun. When you hear a door slam you know it was accidentally pulled with too much strength, not slammed out of anger. When there is silence, it is Contentment, not another passive aggressive fight. The dog is no longer barking to protect, he simply just wants the cats to play with him. Let’s create a safe, warm environment that makes you feel like you can breathe, not hold your breath. Let’s stomp on the eggshells we use to tip toe on. Together we will make this house into a home. And welcome all with open arms into this kind and loving space.

bird sitcoms

mary tyler moorhen show

crake and josh

it's always sunny in philadelphia vireo

i love lucy's warbler

tit's creek

30 cock

saved by the bellbird

the king vulture of queens

everybody hates crissal thrasher

(confidently) no, that's a self-tolling bell. it tolls automatically, signifying nothing for the hearer. why

i think we should remind musicians they can absolutely make up little stories for their songs btw. it doesn’t have to be about them at all. you can invent a guy and put him in situations to music. time honoured tradition in fact.

this is about when you specificially recognised yourself as being queer, not the crush you had on elizabeth swan as a kid and didn't understand. been thinking abt this a lot recently and wanted to ask tumblr. i can predict the results but i'm still interested. please tell me the specific age in tags!

Amazing description of a meltdown

an acquaintance told me i had the subtle guardedness of someone who “learned social skills the hard way” and i’d honestly have much preferred they took out a gun and shot me

Dawg how are you 22 with a wife and kids you should be outside playing