my dads response could not have been better

important addition

tee hee

tee hee

I STEPPED OUTSIDE OF THE FRONT DOOR OF MY OWN HOME ONLY TO FIND THE DEER THAT TRIED TO KICK MY ASS LAST YEAR STANDING RIGHT THERE IN MY FRONT YARD. BOLD AS BRASS.

AM I NOT SAFE ANYWHERE ANYMORE

for those of you who were not here last year: this deer is the most obnoxious, unnatural red-orange color I’ve ever seen, only appears when it’s raining, and once chased me a quarter mile through the woods. her name is Hot Cheeto Hatred and she is my nemesis

dude, i think that’s a fairy

European: Americans will be like I’m going to watch a whore movie and eat a hamburger slathered in lard

Americans: it’s true I do do this.

American: British people will be like alright I’m off to eat some wheezy bangers (beans and bread out of a can)

Brit: I’ve seen this reblogged by several people I normally trust so: How mocking British cuisine and dialect has a long classist history and how it became frighteningly normalized on an American (uniquely cruel, uniquely ignorant) internet: a thread. 1/?

BREAKFAST???

For reference,

someone tell the tumblerinas that you can raise an issue without deliberately guilt-tripping everyone about it

okay, I take it back. I don’t think everyone is doing this deliberately. some of it is so deeply entrenched in tumblr culture that you probably don’t always notice you’re doing it

“nobody’s talking about this” -> you can just delete this phrase

“if you can’t reblog this, unfollow me” -> you can also delete this one

“x group can, and should, reblog this” -> remove the “should”. or you know. delete the entire sentence

your post will still spread all the important information without the guilt-tripping parts, I promise

if an otherwise valid post tries to guilt trip me it’s a pass on the rb, sry.

Any setting where the elves have weaker booze than the dwarves isn't committing to the bit

I mean, we're talking about people whose lifespan is Yes.

"Oh, the weak wine? That is for children. I am two thousand years old, and I daresay one sip from this highball would knock you on your ass for a week."

Look, there's this weird thing people do with high fantasy where they want elves to be immortal/extremely long-lived snooty aristocrats and also somehow incapacitated by imagining the taste of salt too hard. "Orcs and dwarves have the hardest booze" no they don't, they have work in the morning! In any of these settings, elves would pregame harder than hobbits party and everyone else has shit to do tomorrow.

The average high elf builds up the drug tolerance of a mid-70s Hollywood producer and then spends three centuries studying alchemy. While humans seek immortality, the Immortals seek the elusive "philosopher's cocaine."

Fall Guys are like invasive among us! Right guys! Who's with me! Who's with me!

Not funny 👎

I can't currently even formulate anything stronger than "I'll kill you". Please threaten yourself for me

I'M GOING TO SAW OFF MY FEET

you people absolutely looove to shit on joe biden as if he didn’t LITERALLY breastfeed obama back to health during the 2013 assassination attempt…

sorry im on the highway rn and i just imagined gettinginto a horrific car accident and this was my last message yo the world

I will slip through the space between your cells and enter your body and I won't be identified as a threat because I'm making out with your white blood cells (I call them babygirl) then when you least expect it I crawl into your brain and then I freak it

I made this post about myself but I accidentally perfectly described how the rabies virus works

Average Trump campaign staffer (52 years old, living with his third wife in a home in Stamford, Connecticut): Making America great again means securing our border, cutting taxes, and keeping your family safe from criminals

Average DeSantis campaign staffer (20 years old, has three Twitter accounts and recently converted to the Eastern Orthodox Church): The transgendereds are brainwashing your beautiful white daughter into getting a septum piercing

happy ‘joe biden is a rabid dog he should be beaten to death with a stick’ sunday

if i really hated your post i imagined you as a stupid little german boy in a dumb sailor suit with a comically large lollipop

I need someone to send me 50 usd now

my "i have a bomb" backpack is raising a lot of questions from the TSA that are already answered by my backpack

When your mutual posts something #awesome And you want to hit that damn follow button a second time to be come Even bigger mutuals ! 💖

haha great post! @ staff i didn’t know you were adding that label do we really need that label? i feel like we don’t need that label

doES ANYONE ELSE REALIZE THAT WE’RE LIKE, THE FIRST GENERATION ON TUMBLR

GIVE IT 10-15 YEARS AND WE’LL ALL BE GROWN UP AND AN ENTIRE NEW SET OF KIDS WILL BE ON HERE BLOGGING ABOUT COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SHOWS AND BANDS AND MOVIES AND BOOKS

THE ONLY THING THEY’LL STILL BE BLOGGING ABOUT THE SAME AS WE WERE IS DOCTOR WHO

HOPEFULLY

We’ll probably all be blogging about Sherlock season 4.

maybe

7/22/2013

happy decade anniversary to this post

[“A basic premise of straight culture is the idea that gendered bodies, especially women’s bodies, require purification and modification to be desirable—shaving, perfuming, toning, refining, shrinking, enlarging, and antiaging. But in queer spaces, it is often precisely the hairy, sweaty, dirty, smelly, or unkempt gendered body that is most beloved. I recall the first time I entered a gay men’s sex shop, in the 1990s in the Castro district of San Francisco, and encountered a barrel full of lightly stained and dingy-looking “used jock straps” for sale. It was my introduction to the fact that there were people in the world who desired men’s bodies so much that they wanted deep, intimate, and seemingly unconditional contact with them—even and especially the parts of men’s bodies that straight women seemed to want to avoid.

Most straight women I knew, no doubt due to their socialization as girls and women, appreciated men’s bodies for their sexual functionality but not as a site of objectification that they were excited to dive into and explore—to smell, taste, or penetrate. Similarly, I have been to dozens of dyke strip shows, burlesque shows, drag-king shows, and sex shows in which women’s armpit hair and leg hair and facial hair or their body fat or their genderqueer bodies have been precisely the objects of the audience’s collective lust. Fat bodies and hairy bodies are also staples of queer dyke porn, not relegated to a fetish category. In other words, queer desire is marked by a lustful appreciation for even those parts of men’s and women’s bodies that have been degraded by straight culture. Like a food adventurer who delights in those parts of the animal or plant deemed undesirable by the narrowing of mainstream tastes, queer people’s desire for the full animal has been less constrained. Recognizing this suggests that gay men may have a deeper or more comprehensive appreciation for men’s bodies than do straight women, just as lesbians’ lust for women is arguably more expansive and forgiving than straight men’s. But most importantly, because queer circuits of desire do not rely on the erotic encounter of “opposites” embedded in a broader culture of gendered acrimony and alienation, queer lust need not reconcile a conflict between wanting to fuck and generally disliking one’s fuckable population.”]

Jane Ward, The Tragedy of Heterosexuality