Apple to the Crotch

Tumblr at Twitter users: "Welcome home cheaters. Yeah yeah fuck you too."

Tumblr at Reddit users: "Couch is cleared up if you need to sleep on it. Oh yeah and don't touch the milk in the fridge, it has expired and smells awful."

Do you ever eat popcorn out of the palm of your own hand with such ardent desperation that you feel like both a wild horse and the gentle schoolgirl feeding it treats to gain its affection 

Hey there guys. It’s me, in 2022, commenting on this post from 2016. There’s been a lot of people on this site lately being like “oooh no don’t make viral uwu I’m so pathetic, little, and defenseless and my poor notifications can’t handle 10k reblogs” well first of all ALL of us are pathetic, little, and defenseless and secondly none of our notifications can handle 10k reblogs and thirdly I’m not a coward and I think this should have a million notes. Not because of its own merit as a post, I just think it’d be funny if when I turn 30 this year and I reflect on the greatest accomplishments of my life thus far, I have to at least consider putting “famous tumblr popcorn post” on the list

Hey there guys. It’s me, in 2023, in May specifically, I’m 30 and for the record it rules, I had a lil aging crisis and now I’m past that and I’m just like goddamn it is great being in my thirties and I had a wonderful birthday NO THANKS TO YOU GUYS

actually, much thanks to you guys. Some of you were inspiringly crazy about this post. Frankly you worked harder for this than I did, and your efforts were touching and inspiring and funny and yet we STILL FAILED. GUYS WE GOTTA PUT OUR EYES BACK ON THE BALL. We have ehhh about six months before I turn the big three-one, which is actually the most important birthday because now you’re in your thirties For Real, and I personally can’t think of a better way to ring in my 31st year of life than by trying and failing to do something that I was hoping to knock out in my twenties.

Good luck, kiddo

Are you satisfied, op? When will it be enough?

I feel I couldn’t have been clearer about the number at which this will be enough

They should invent a mutual that lives within driving distance

Funy how tumblr has become the place people go when there is nowhere else. give us your tired, your sick, and your cringe masses or whatever

unfortunately i do find this funny

Batman (2016) Annual #2

The penis gone lol

lol

how the hell do people work full time AND work out. and also eat. i feel like a dvd player

hi i’m a hopeless romantic with serious trust issues nice to meet you 

anyway.

Just remember you’re someone’s most bangable mutual. Maybe multiple. Freaks attract freaks like magnets. Where was I going with this.

i saw guys on twitter getting mad at this but it’s real as fuck

Yeah my name is Tim, short for OpTIMus Prime

[id: tags saying "wait wait i wanna know where they plan on using their full name, why'd you cut it off"]

answer: THEIR WEDDING.

I can't describe to you the emotion I would feel if I was hanging out with my friend Tim and he was like "hey we've been friends for a while now I want to show you something," and he hands me his driver's license, upon which I read "Optimus Prime Jones"

I worked very hard on this

hey uh what exactly is possessing you people to reblog a nearly 10 year old shrek meme that I made in high school

Your hard work isn’t going unnoticed

for the redditors coming here, this is how we spread news of important events in the world, with a Destiel meme

For everybody who's been here a while and felt like Wiley E. Coyote just after running off the edge of the cliff when they scrolled down to find nothing below