ngl gonna miss the guns out look when i level up to 23 and get to use the upgraded cat gear
i missed Fuck Your Train Friday, so happy Send Your Train Into An Eldritch Wormhole At All Costs Saturday!
“hobie and pavitr are my favorites” lets give it up once again for miles morales. miles morales proud afropuertorican. miles morales who keeps being pushed to the side in his own story. miles morales who tells you himself he’ll create his own path. miles morales who will not let anyone stand in his way from saving those he loves. miles morales who will put himself in danger so pavitr, a stranger he has just met, doesnt have to suffer the same fate of all the other spideys. miles morales who in purely existing is punk as fuck and hobie clocks it from the start and has his back. lets give it up for miles morales, because even outside the movies he keeps being pushed aside in his own story
they’re playing monopoly but hobie refuses to collect taxes because they’re a tool of the bourgeoisie to keep the poor man down or something
“hobie and pavitr are my favorites” lets give it up once again for miles morales. miles morales proud afropuertorican. miles morales who keeps being pushed to the side in his own story. miles morales who tells you himself he’ll create his own path. miles morales who will not let anyone stand in his way from saving those he loves. miles morales who will put himself in danger so pavitr, a stranger he has just met, doesnt have to suffer the same fate of all the other spideys. miles morales who in purely existing is punk as fuck and hobie clocks it from the start and has his back. lets give it up for miles morales, because even outside the movies he keeps being pushed aside in his own story
So, I always find Fifth Lord scenarios to be a bit challenging to come up with, because like, the Four Lords are thematically connected to the four elements (Lady Dimitrescu = Earth, Lady Beneviento = Air, Lord Moreau = Water, Lord Heisenberg = Fire - it's on the stone carving Mother Miranda showed Ethan while disguised as the old woman, if you missed it.) And then you have Miranda covering the Spirit thing, if that's a thing you reckon as an element.
So.
*Cracks knuckles*
I've decided to figure out where and how the fuck Ethan could fit into this scheme, if he were going to be a Fifth Lord.
So, Ethan's job is being a systems engineer, although Capcom doesn't specify what kind of systems engineer, but I think that we can agree that systems engineering in general is an air thing; at least if we know some traditional elemental associations.
So this means that Ethan is filling the same slot as Donna. Now, it's unclear if Donna has an actual job here. Sure, there's her doll making, but it seems to be more of a hobby than an actual profession. She doesn't seem to be actually running anything.
But in any case, there is one system that is going woefully unengineered around here, and that any sort of modern communications system. Oh sure, the lords and Miranda can apparently call each other over the phone, and Heisenberg has an intercom system for the apparent purpose of flirting with and/or traumadumping on protagonists, but the rest of the people? I don't think these people even have a functioning post office. I don't recall seeing a single mailbox around the village anywhere.
And if there's no post office, nobody can mail any letters or buy anything through through mail delivery, and That's Just Terrible.
Yes folks, I am in fact proposing Ethan Winters, Lord of the Post Office.
Now of course, Ethan might find himself a little understaffed as they're getting things set up. And this means that he might have use those untapped mold powers and make some guys; maybe kinda like the Molded from RE7. And since this is Ethan Winters, who presumably doesn't want to scare the shit out of everybody, he might put some Big Googly Eyes and Friendly Uniforms on them, like so:
Now of course, I imagine Ethan's mailmolds will have a little trouble getting chased around by stray lycans, but I'm sure he can solve that by reminding Heisenberg that Chased Mailmolds equal Package Delays, so if Heisenberg wants to get his classic vinyls in a timely manner, he'd better make those lycans behave.
literally hot take but re7 did the family motif INFINITELY better than re8 did imo. ethan being trapped in the house of a family all literally dying for the affections of a single little girl but him not being able to understand bc all he wants is his wife back, a wife he hasnt been able to move on from in 3 years. eveline gave ethan her gift, but he didnt even notice bc he was so fixated on getting mia back, not even responding to his hallucinations of eveline bc mia always took priority, feeling not even a shred of the "love" that the bakers were exhibiting for her. but mia couldnt connect back to ethan bc of eveline, already attached to her years before the incident and the infection. the only resource ethan had was zoe, who was supposed to also be his daughter according to eveline, how the two of them tore the family out from the inside. the parallels of marguerite not minding that mia was the mother bc mia was always the mother, to jack losing his mind at the sheer thought of losing his place at head of the family to ethan, who wanted absolutely nothing to do with the mold. how ethan didnt care about the family, not like jack did. both the winters' family and the bakers' family simultaneously destroyed just because eveline wanted a family too, forcing everyone out of their own lives into a new fucked up family with clear roles and jobs to play out of longing and desperation and a complete childish disregard of real people and their connections. mias "we're going to be a family, now that youre here." and jacks "welcome to the family, son." and marguerites "we opened our home to you." and zoes "this is my home. apparently i belong here." and jacks "the girl just wants a family of her own." and joes "family is a righteous cause." and evelines "all i wanted was a family." and jacks "ethan, free my family. please." and how ethan just couldnt understand any of it, not fully.
until rose.
trans ethan winters lover flag. for when youre trans and you love ethan winters. happy pride month
I’m only now really realizing how utterly insane the end of RE7 must have been for Chris Redfield.
I mean, he’s an experienced BSAA agent. He’s survived the worst bioweapon disasters his world has known. He’s lost friends and whole squads to monsters straight out of people’s nightmares.
Then one afternoon he gets a report, detailing a horrific outbreak where Tyrant-Class Bioweapons have been making people disappear in the Louisiana swamps. There are reports of explosions, fire, gunshots, screams.
Chris hops into a helicopter, mentally preparing for hell on earth. The helicopter reaches the site, Chris looks down, and sees what looks like a giant petrified tree sprouting out of the ruins of a house, destruction in every direction and there, standing in a little clearing near the collapsed tree, holding a rifle, is a Olive Garden breadstick of a man, his hands cupped around his mouth, shouting up to them “hey my wife and I could use some help!”
He’s wearing fucking jeans and a fucking white button down shirt. He looks like a suburban dad coming off of work. He looks like he drives a minivan. He looks like the most excitement he sees is the office Christmas party when his boss hands out free champagne.
He’s blue-eyed and has blonde hair, light skin, he looks like a Sim come to life. Like a mannequin from The Gap.
Chris, still floored, rappels down to the man. He asks his name.
“Ethan,” the guy says with the faintest California accent. He’s smiling exhaustedly.
Chris scans the scene for any monsters. There are none. This fluffy Texas Toast white bread man took out all the monsters? By himself? With a flimsy rifle? That was several years old? While protecting his wife?!
Chris wouldn’t have entered the house without at least three squads. He’s learned his lesson from the mansion outside Raccoon City.
One man. One, regular man. It’s beyond impossible, it’s unbelievable, it can’t be true.
Chris pinches himself to make sure. Yup, not dreaming. “Ethan, are you human?”
Ethan frowns at him like a confused puppy. Chris is reminded of a beagle retriever mix. “I’m pretty sure I am.”
“I’ll check you just to make sure.” Chris runs a scanner up and down Ethan’s body. He looks at the results. “Are you *sure* you’re human?”
Ethan laughs self-deprecatingly. “I did get a lot of that goo on myself but I didn’t eat any of it, pretty sure I’m fine.”
Chris looks back down at the scanner. Incredibly high concentrations of the virus. By all accounts, Ethan should be a morphed bloody mess right now, extra eyes and hands mutating out of his torso, half his face melted. Chris looks back up at Ethan. He’s smiling nervously, happy in his delusion. He reaches up to scratch some dirt out of his hair then winces as he realizes he’s tried to use the arm that appears to have the hand stapled back onto it. Chris googles at it. Regardless of mutations the pain and blood loss from that alone should render Ethan dead. “Why are you here Ethan?”
“I got a cryptic message from my wife who’d been missing for three years. I figured she was in trouble so I went to find her.”
“And when you found her?”
“She’d been infected and cut my hand off with a chainsaw.”
“What did you do then?”
Chris expects Ethan to spin some tale about blundering through the forest and killing an infected tree. Instead, this man looks right at Chris with the eyes of a madman and says “I went and found a cure to save her.”
“You…what?!”
“Well admittedly Zoe did help me out with that. I hope she was out of the house when it collapsed, she was a great friend.”
“The fuck?” Chris muttered under his breath. Most of the people he knew, including his BSAA teammates, would run for backup upon finding someone they cared for had been infected.
Chris himself had made a promise with Claire that if either of them got infected they’d do each other the honor of a mercy killing.
Cures for any virus outbreak were one in a billion. But Ethan had been totally confident in his ability to rescue his wife and cure her of the infection that caused her to cut his hand off with a chainsaw! “Who the hell are you?”
“Well I’m a systems engineer by trade, originally from LA. God the drive down here was so long.”
Chris blinked. Then again. Then again. Still didn’t seem like he was losing his mind and hallucinating. “I have to make a call, I’ll be right back.”
Chris passed the oblivious Ethan off to one of his lieutenants, instructing him to get Ethan some medical attention.
Jill picked up on the first ring. “Valentine.”
“Jill it’s Chris.”
“What’s up? I heard you were sent out to Louisiana. Rough stuff, I hope you’re alright.”
“Yeah…about that. I need to bring a bioweapon into the BSAA as an agent.”
“Are you out of your mind?! They’ll never go for it!”
Chris looked over at Ethan, now waving a tiny green bottle at one of the medics, demonstrating pouring it onto his injured arm. “I think they’ll make an exception.”
software engineer boyloser husband and bioweapon scientist girlboss wife
ethan winters is actually the funniest guy ever i've decided. hes managed to face hundreds of terrifying monsters and take down extremely powerful bioweapons and yet he is so deeply uncool he cant even be a real proper normalguy power fantasy. he laughs at his own one liners. his competence in combat is almost unbelievable, like every encounter turns in his favor based on luck alone. his hands keep getting chopped off. he just puts them back on. he is so, so scared. he's a systems engineer. he's from la. his primary personality trait is Being Married. i think he can digging in the ground for tubers
