PSA: never discuss private affairs in your DMs, especially contraception and abortion. Social media moguls will absolutely sell you out to the government. There are already cases of people being charged based on evidence in their DMs.

[ID: A screenshot from Twitter. At the top is a symbol of the new Twitter logo, 𝕏, and under it in big bold text says "Keeping you safer in Direct Messages." Below it in smaller text says "Twitter systems scan shared links and media for spam, abuse, and prohibited content. We also analyze usage patterns to detect suspicious behavior and improve your experience. We may manually review DMs to investigate reported violations and misuse of our service, or to comply with laws or governmental requests. See our Privacy Policy for more details." A white button that says "Got it" is displayed at the bottom. /END OF ID]

on the planet of the…

TREBLE

DEATH, IT LIVE SO CRAZY

MEN MY FAVORITE TYPE OF LADY

SEX, I’VE HAD ENOUGH

TELL THE WORLD “BLOW YOURSELF UP!”

Kill self? Gif but in reverse

My brother's girlfriend had HPV, so he went to get himself the HPV vaccine. There is a fee to pay (nothing much, something like €87) but it's completely free if you're in one of the "at risk" groups.

"What does that mean," he asks. "It's free if you're gay," he's told. "Ah. Would I have to like, prove it, or...?" "Just put in a check mark here."

My brother is in no way, shape or form attracted to men, but also he's stingy as it gets. So now he's officially gay. Congrats bro.

"Doctor, give it to me straight" "You sure, there's a fee" "… Give it to me gay"

AGAB (Assigned Gay At Billing)

Fascinated by the fact that his first question was about if he'd have to prove it. I wanna know how far that man would go to save less than a dollar

Sorry, do you think 87 euros is less than a dollar

love the red on this one. real

"What will you do without new shows" I haven't watched a mainstream television show as it released in years. I'm catching up on shows my parents liked in the 90s. I'm listening to fiction podcasts with 5 fans. I'm playing a video game the creators want you to pirate. I'm watching a minecraft roleplay. I may not know what I'm gonna do but I'm sure as hell not gonna be a fuckin scab babygirl.

women be fantasizing about waltzing in an ancient castle under the starlight

life, it never die

women are my favorite guy

sex, i'm wanting more

tell the world, stop the war

see the thing is that mitski and hozier are exactly that good, its just that so many of their fans are all collectively competing for the most annoying people on earth award. and winning.

i say this all the time but im fucking right like hozier and mitski are actually geniuses and incredibly respectable and admirable artists with beautiful unique voices and evocative lyrics and moving instrumentals that just fucking tear at your heart and head. theyre so fucking talented and always have been, but their fans SUCK. so fucking bad. they suck ass so hard its unreal.

think about lesbian sex on. the. clock.

even when they're playing taylor swift in the lobby. You can't break my spirit you vile woman

I hate to break it to you but all of Taylor Swift’s songs are about lesbian sex

if you went outside and interacted with real life adult humans you would discover so many wonderful things