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Emptiness over Sadness

@criminal-tongues-conspire

You don't know shit about me
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ftmthoughts

Trans people who are pre-transition/early on in their transition:

This is NOT forever. You will get to where you’re supposed to be one day. You HAVE to hold on. I promise, just hold on. Hold on and things will get better. Maybe the only thing you can do right now is to hold on, but just remember that you’re strong, even if you really don’t feel like you are. If you weren’t strong there would be no chance that you’d still be here. This was never, ever, ever your fault ever and you deserve happiness just like everyone deserves happiness. Just hold on. You’ll get there. Everything is going to be okay. I promise. You just HAVE TO hold on.

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future-coastie0121-blog
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caramelcoatedxxxtacy
Don’t.Don’t burn the pictures.Don’t rip the handwritten love letters up.Don’t destroy the memories that made you the happiest; because time heals but also brings regret.Because you can’t go back & you’ll never have another 1st love. Years will pass & you won’t remember the color of his eyes in detail quite like you did. And it’s going to break you down because you’ll find yourself in bed at 2:10 in the morning trying to remember the way his lips curved when he smiled but it’s been too long & all the pictures you have with him are gone.. And you’ll start to think that maybe you shouldn’t have been so fucking impulsive.Put everything in a box & only open it after you’ve moved on & want to revisit a time that was filled with genuine love & innocence. Because despite what you’ve been told, you can let go without forgetting.It’s okay to trace the poems he wrote you in cursive with your fingertips, remembering what it was like the first time you laid eyes on him.It’s okay to smile at the pictures of you two kissing; after all, his lips were the ones to show you how it was done-it’s okay if your eyes well up because you can still feel him holding your shaking hands. It’s okay if you laugh at the promise of forever that two kids made because even though it was too big of a promise at that age, it was admirable.It’s okay to close that box & put it back under your bed or in the back of your closet to collect dust for another 6 months while you live & fall in love again & again.You will always remember him, with or without the pictures but having them makes it alot easier when you’re no longer a kid & you’ve loved a handful of men after him & the color of their eyes are mixing in with his & all you want is to be sure. When all you want is to remember a time where love was him walking you home from school kissing you on the cheek. When love didn’t mean doing drugs or getting undressed.

I wish I could remember the exact color of his eyes & what it felt like to be pure again. (via caramelcoatedxxxtacy)

Looooove

(via waakeme-up)

I wish I knew what it was like to feel love again.

(via future-coastie0121)

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timeisaccelerating

The Night After

I sat by our window smoking Cigarettes by the fistful and I read The poem I began when We started dating. The one about your dad Whose middle name is Eugene The name you call all things absent. I swore I’d never be a Eugene That I’d never become Something so foreign that you’d need A book of translation to understand The words “I love you.” I promised to be only solids Nothing gray matter or the things in between. And I thought about how I’d stepped Into the shadows of our relationship The dark corners and Dimly lit laundry rooms. You’ve always been the sun. And dark creatures always fear The light, afraid to be Icarus Wingless and broken, falling. And because I’m selfish I kept my wings. Allowing myself to be caught In the riptide of your disappointment. And now I know That all along I should’ve been A tree, firmly rooted In the darkness, but always reaching For the sun.

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I love how even when you don't say anything ... People will still find a way to use anything against you and pin anything on you. Thank you for breaking my trust in everyone. Tired of being fucked over and over again.

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twloha

“So remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and wonder about what makes a universe exist. 

Be curious.

And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. It matters that you don’t just give up.” - Stephen Hawking

(Image via ytravel)