Age-old advice which is more relevant nowadays rather than less. This is the second iteration of it though. The original version is: “Never write anything in a letter you wouldn’t want to see in print.” Advice handed down by my mother from her forbears.
From the IT department. We archive EVERYTHING. And Outlook autosaves every couple seconds.
As a journalist, not only can I confirm this but assure you I have used email FOIAs to catch elected officials who were up to things
Anonymous asked:
Which of the bat kids is Bruce most likely to forget aren't actually twins and call them twins (with a six month age gap or something equally implausible) much to the amusement of the kids and the confusion of everyone else?
Steph and Duke
Robin has bird-a-rangs, Batman has bat-a-rangs, Nightwing has wing-dings…
I’m sure Red Hood has some canonical projectile that is specific to him but I personally think it’s funny if Jason’s chosen projectile was just a commingled hodgepodge of his family’s projectiles that he’s found scattered throughout the city. He never knows which one he’s gonna pull out, so the angle and speed at which he must throw it is different every time, which only lends to his reputation of being a master marksman.
One of the batkids visiting Hoods place for whatever reason: ...Why do you have a bunch of our weapons?
Jason: Because yall don't pick up your shit thats why. Its called recycling.
He’s just being environmentally conscious
I thought Jason's chosen projectile was bullets... But I love this idea
guys…. Pls… OBVIOUSLY it’s bullets. We’re creating content for the BIT, don’t you understand
I don't know.
I think "What about you, Jason? What do you call your projectiles?"
*cocks gun* "Bullets."
is a pretty good bit.
Tim: yaknow guys I think I have the best projectiles
Dick: what are you talking about? It’s obviously mine?
Damian: your all stupid, it’s mine
Jason, shooting what is probably the vase of his great grandmother: bullets.
Still frame of a Tiktok video that says, “I got a tiny crush on this blind guy who lives next to me So I started wearing the same perfume so that he is able to recognize me when we’re in the same elevator and I always open my door with the wrong key at first so he can hear it’s me”. 604.0k likes and 2,643 comments.
Comment from user thewarmvoid beneath it reads, “this is….so so so cute. Do you understand how incredible this is? You’re making your flirting accessible and I’m weeping.” Comment is liked by the creator.
Stop Busting my Undercover Op
Danny, fifteen but physically deaged to ten and freshly shat out of a natural portal into the DCU, realizes Gotham has a serious issue with trafficking.
Danny, who can turn invisible and intangible, takes it upon himself to act as bait and free the people who are victims of trafficking
Red Hood, who routinely dismantles trafficking operations, starts to notice Adoption Bait Danny being trafficked from one ring to the next, and that whoever is betraying these organizations and freeing the kids keeps missing this particular one.
Danny struggled free of Hood and glared up at him. He didn't need saving dammit!
Danny: Would you stop trying this please! I'm really close to finding out who the boss it!
Hood: You mean you let them catch you on purpose?!?!?!?
Dany: Obviously! I keep getting everyone else out! Now stop it!
Hood: Hell no! You're a kid!
Danny: Which is why I'm perfect! Who's gonna suspect a kid?
Hood: No! Absolutely not! Jesus fucking Christ kid!
Danny: It's not like they can keep me, who did you think was getting people out? And getting the proof into your hands? Hmm?
Hood: No! No! You are too young to be doing this shit already!
Danny: You know what.... If you can catch me you can get me to stop.
Hood: Already did!
Danny: Nope! I had to play along. See!
Danny went intangible and dropped from the arms holding him. Giggling while Hood cursed from 20 ft below him. He waved cheekily and vanished. He figured it would be best to get gone. Hood seemed the stubborn type. Ah well. Hood would learn!
"Is this karma for all the shit I pulled on Bruce when I was Robin?"
Jason calls Bruce to ask how to corral the brat.
Jason: B... You know the kid I told you about?
Bruce: Yes?
Jason: Kid's a meta. He's decided to do an undercover op to busy the main ring leaders. He slipped my grasp. Has some off brand Martian powers.
Bruce: .... I see.
Jason: How do I convince a kid that's convinced he can do this to not do it.
Bruce: If I knew the answer to that do you think Robin would exist?
Jason: NOT helpful B!
Bruce: Hmmm.. Good luck.*beep*
Jason: Fucker hung up on me!
The next call is to Alfred and he asks generally the same question and Alfred honest to god scoffs before answering.
"You do realize Master Bruce runs across Gotham City's rooftops dressed as a bat fighting crime, don't you?"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"If I had any idea how to keep someone from doing something so dangerous as that, Gotham wouldn't have any vigilantes."
Jason has to think about it for a while. But the kid has similar powers to a Martian right? Maybe, maybe J'onn would be able to help. Or offer some advice at least? Now he just had to get in contact with the guy. He would have to ask B for help there.... Dammit.
Oh thank fuck, Bruce sent him the number. Ok, he can do this.
Jason: Hey J'onn. I've found a kid trying to bust a trafficking ring. He has powers. Flight, strength, intangibility and invisibility. I was hoping to get some advice on how to grab him so I can keep him safe.
J'onn: How old is the child? I wonder if they had a Martian ancestor...
Jason: They look maybe 10 at a push. Little brat refused to stop and be safe. B laughed at me when I asked how to stop him.
J'onn: Perhaps because of his inability to stop his children?
Jason: So, any advice?
J'onn: There are always meta limiting cuffs? And phase proof materials. But that would not endear the child to you. I suggest taking it slow. Like I have heard you do with the street children.
Jason: But he's in danger now! Dammit, I was 13, not 10 when I started...
J'onn: I know it is hard to watch. But gaining his trust first will prove to be more helpful in the long run.
Jason: Christ. Thanks. I'll keep on it then. Start carrying high calorie snack n shit to feed him?
J'onn: Food is a useful motivator yes.
Jason: Thanks. You were more helpful than B.
J'onn: Good luck. I hope he remains safe.
Jason: But he's in danger now! Dammit, I was 13, not 10 when I started...
Meanwhile, Danny, who is canonically at least *14* years old...
Stop Busting my Undercover Op
Danny, fifteen but physically deaged to ten and freshly shat out of a natural portal into the DCU, realizes Gotham has a serious issue with trafficking.
Danny, who can turn invisible and intangible, takes it upon himself to act as bait and free the people who are victims of trafficking
Red Hood, who routinely dismantles trafficking operations, starts to notice Adoption Bait Danny being trafficked from one ring to the next, and that whoever is betraying these organizations and freeing the kids keeps missing this particular one.
Additional.
Red Hood eventually learns that Danny is Older Than He Looks and assumes that Danny is some adult superhero who got de-aged and is using his new tiny body to his advantage while he figures out how to change back. So he starts treating Danny like an adult which convinces everyone else to do the same.
("Want a cig?" "Nah, that stuff will kill you, you know?" "We need a drink." Snorts "Good luck explaining to the bar tender why you bought a 5 year old a shot of tequila." "Shit, fuck, fuck, fucking son of a whore!" "Language!" "Shut it you ass!")
Meanwhile, Danny is so distracted by trying to figure out how to change back, finding out who's behind the smuggling ring, and honestly being thrilled that he has allies who didn't shoot him at first sight that he completely forgets/doesn't notice that he never really told anyone how old he actually is.
Cue Danny eventually reverting to his true age, maybe right before he goes home, and everyone freaking out because the kid they thought was an adult, was in fact a slightly older kid!
just remember it could always be worse. we could still have PE.
Dc x dp or dp x dc prompt again
Bruce at a gala and Vlad masters shows up and starts trying to out-do Bruce with "well my son is better" talking about Danny.
Problem
Bruce knows he doesn't have any kids cuz he never got over Maddie, found that out in a background check, and he knows Danny is Maddie skid, not his.
Worse problem
The way Vlad keep waxing poetic is beginning to make it sound like he's crushing on Danny. Him. A grownass man.
Idk yall I just wanna have Bruce, as Brucie the playboy billionaire, straight up deck Vlad in the face.
@nerdpoe your mind… unparalleled. I’m picturing Bruce just like absolutely rocking his shit. I’m talking will smith on Chris rock, captain America on hitler levels of punching in the face.
Everyone and everything at the gala freezes. Brucie Wayne is Gothams favorite son. Known for being a doting father to his ever expanding gaggle of children, and for being an absolute himbo. If you want rage, that’s the bat or his sidekicks. But good ole Brucie Wayne? Nah he wouldn’t hurt a fly…until tonight.
Tonight, he just laid out some sleazy billionaire from Wisconsin in one hit, like fucking Superman. He blushes, shakes out his knuckles and politely asks if anyone has a handkerchief and a glass of milk, as he appears to have knocked out one of Mr. Masters’ teeth.
Eh, it’s Gotham. Dude probably deserved it, the party resumes and Bruce is given the requested items. He has a high amount of suspicion the friendly black haired child spit in the glass of milk, but given who he thinks the kid is… he’ll allow it. He also pretends to not notice the boy take a selfie with Masters’ unconscious body.
——-- Earlier———
“ It’s such a shame, he’s such a brilliant boy. He just doesn’t apply himself. His parents clearly aren’t fostering his potential.”
The man across from Bruce made his skin crawl, perhaps even more than the joker. The joker never claimed to be anything other than a murderous clown. But this man, Vlad Masters, truly disturbed Bruce. Listening to him was like listening to Ted Bundy or Jeffery Dahmer, there was madness and violence simmering just under the surface. The most truly nauseating thing about the man across from him, was the way he talked about this child, Daniel.
The man’s obsession with the boy’s mother, was concerning enough. But the single minded focus Vlad Masters had on her child was unhinged, Batman would be investigating him later. For now all “ Brucie Wayne” could do was try not to vomit.
“His sister of course is also brilliant, but Danny is just so much like his mother. He’s clearly inherited not only her brains, but also her looks. Lucky boy, his father is built like a fridge. That fool probably won’t last long, klutz that he is, then the boy will be mine, he won’t have a choice.”
Masters muttered the last bit darkly to himself before resuming his reverie.
“ Like I was saying he’s a very petite thing, of course he has simply gorgeous blue eyes, such brilliant shade of blue. Say, Wayne don’t a few of your boys have blue eyes? Aren’t they ju-.”
Wham! The man was finally quiet, collapsing to the floor. It took Bruce a moment to realize, he had silenced Masters. He looked down at his own bloody, trembling fist and exhaled shakily. Okay, he could fix this. He could do it, get the mask back in place.
“ Um, pardon me, does anyone happen to have a handkerchief? Ouch”
He exaggeratedly shook out his hand, face beet red. Bruce saw something glistening on the floor. He picked it up only to realize disgustedly, it was not a cuff link, but a tooth…
“ Could I trouble someone for a glass of milk? It appears Mr. Masters lost a tooth.”
As people continued to gawk about, a young boy, about Tim’s age approached. He whistled, appraising Bruce’s handiwork.
“ Nice! Here ya go Mr. Wayne”
The boy cheerily held out a glass of questionable milk that Bruce decided to ignore. Black hair, blue eyes- oh god. This was Daniel, the object of Masters’ obsession.
“ thank you ?”
He waited for the boy to confirm his suspicions.
“ Danny, Danny Fenton… Mr. Wayne, sir. He’s uhhh, he’s my “ uncle ”
“Nice to meet you Danny, sorry about causing a scene.”
“ Are you kidding me? Dude fuck Batman, you’re literally my hero. Honestly more people should punch him in the face.”
Before Bruce could continue his odd conversation, Jim Gordon came up to him to figure out what had happened. The boy slipped back into the crowd. But not before crouching down to take a selfie posing with Masters’ unconscious body. Jovially sticking out his tongue and flipping off his fallen uncle. Jim looked over to see what the boy was doing, only to shake his head at the antics.
Slowly his boys emerged from their various hiding places to see what happened and check on Bruce.
His eldest was first.
“ B you alright? What happened?”
Bruce grunted, trying to ignore the concern in his son’s bright blue eyes.
“ Tell Tim to start researching Vlad Masters and the Fenton family, their youngest Daniel particularly. I need you to keep Damian away from this, I don’t want him anywhere near Masters.”
Dicks concern only grew and he placed a hand on his fathers shoulder.
“ Bruce, what did this guy say? What did he do?”
The dark look he got in return was the only answer Dick needed.
“ No one is to go near him alone. I want Oracle to work with Tim, I want Duke tailing Fenton, I want Jason researching if Masters has any underworld connections. Cass and Steph are to take turns tailing Masters. He doesn’t appear to show any interest in young girls.”
Dicks look of horror became disgust. He nodded darkly.
“ Got it”
Before the end of the night, Bruce caught up with Fenton.
“This is my card, my personal phone number is on here. I don’t know the whole story between you and Masters, but I have a feeling it isn’t a pleasant one. If he ever does anything, if anything happens… anything at all and you need help. Call me, anytime of day, call”
The boy looked at Bruce stunned, as if he couldn’t believe someone was taking his side.
My shitty interpretation of Bruce decking Vlad
Mmmmmmmmmm yes you. You wrote this well. I very much enjoyed this, yessssssssss.
best of all Vlad knows. There's no way he doesn't know, but he can't say shit because he'd be outing himself.
Danny also knows, ofc, and is absolutely basking in Vlad's frustration - the worst he can do is an assault suit when he knows it should be murder
buckybarnes123456-deactivated20
I want to take a dollar bill and write “are you Misha Collins” on it and maybe one day it’ll end up in his hands and he’d be the one mind fucked for once
assckles
the journey has begun…
real—not—real
DOING THIS ON EVERY DOLLAR I COME ACROSS
real—not—real
Like I said
katnisstiel
fandom will take over american currency
iusedtobethefire
i cannot wait til he gets one and tweets about it omfg
Spn heritage post
It’s not illegal to deface American currency actually!!
It’s illegal to deface it in a manner that makes the money unusable (shredding/burning etc) but you can write stuff on money or draw a mustache on George Washington to your heart’s content.
When I worked at a bank I got all sorts of bills with weird shit on them, from “fuck trump” to “for a good time call”. They all went in the vault- still totally useable and therefore not illegal :)
It’s not illegal
to deface American
currency actually!!
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
Blob-ins!
If you're cold they're cold...... put them in your discord server....
☀️Sunflower🌟Starflower 🌘Moonflower
I started out painting the sunflower kind of realistically and then the rest just ran away from me
this bitch empty, TWEET
Have any of you heard of the Harvard MIT Pigeon Prank?
An MIT student dressed in a black-and-white striped shirt went to the Harvard football stadium every day of one summer, blowing a whistle while scattering breadcrumbs or birdseed to coax neighborhood pigeons down onto the field. At Harvard’s opening game of the season, upon the referee’s first whistle, it’s said that hundreds of pigeons descended onto the field, causing a half-hour delay.
Ah yes, classical conditioning put to good use
Tim gets his hands on Jason’s helmet and hacks the voice modulator to sound like Hatsune Miku.
Feared crime boss Red Hood uses it anyway.
Tim does not stop there; Jason must have a limit and Tim plans to find it, even if that means another murder attempt he'll barely survive.
So far, the Red Hood has sounded like a rotation of anime characters and, on one memorable occasion, Darth Vader.
Jason finds it hilarious and it's driving Tim insane that he can't get under his skin
PLEASE- imagine this great hulking terror of a man appear out from one of Gotham’s shadowy alleyways, advancing on some poor idiot breaking the Rules, casually twirling a knife, faceless helmet glinting in the streetlamp-
☆〜“Thought I told you not to fuck with kids on my turf, (uwu)!”☆〜
Laughter erupts from people you can’t see, you’re not entirely sire if you’re dreaming, Red Hood’s STILL GOT THE KNIFE-
What do you even DO?
#Tim *has* to code something into the helmet that beeps out the sweear words#Like it's for 1 or two voices not all#Red Hood in a high pitched voice and suddenly there is this long drawn out beep and several short afterwards Yes, @bloustorm ! Jason would realise he was censored and then curse more automatically. The only thing that annoyed him, but then he'll just get creative about it. Tim could edit the code to pick up on the around-about swear words, but it also risks him censoring Jason when he's trying to speak to a civilian in a serious situation, or relaying a plan to another bat--
beautifulgodzilla
THIS TOOK A FAR DIFFERENT TURN THEN I EXPECTED
beautifulgodzilla
I HAVE NEVER SEEN THE SECOND PART
sinkinga-w-a-y
The notes on this!!
Awww
“Can i pick u up on thursday?” AWWWWWWW
faith-food-fashion
lol he just wanted to buy her some superman pjs that werent on sale??! ~
can they see this right now??
OMG HE’S ADORABLE
NiceGuy™: “I hope my crush wears sexy underwear to bed”
Actual nice boy: “gosh I hope she wears pjs to bed so I can get some for her”
NiceGuy™:
“I hope my crush wears sexy
underwear to bed”
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
best thing about uncle iroh is that if you pay attention he is actually just as much of an idiot as zuko but has just mastered the art of coming across as a wise old man. the even better thing is that zuko is the only one on the planet who somewhat realizes this and no one would ever believe him because he's zuko