you know ;)

just asked my professor if he wants to feature on a song LMFAO

he said yes

this man is twisted. Sick .

never ask a woman her age a man his salary your mutual how late it is in her timezone when she starts posting about that bisexual man

?

pause. rewind. does this person think jamie lee curtis has been running away from a gorilla

Some day I want to see a show that does the “no filler episodes” thing from the opposite direction. Just a whole season worth of low-stakes character pieces that seem to move the overall story absolutely nowhere, then episode 26 pulls all the triggers at once and this massive Rube Goldberg machine of a plot the show’s been quietly setting up in the background the whole time hits you like a truck.

Incredible one-liners as always

shoutout to the yorukura recurring background lesbians

Oh so she can open drawers now

Not allowed!

Last night before bed I hid her yarn (only allowed to have it while supervised because choking hazard) and her loud squeaky toy (loud, squeaky) in this drawer.

This morning I heard a noise (derogatory) and came out of the shower to squeak squeak squeak squeak. Both yarn and toy on ground. And I thought "oh man, I must have left the drawer slightly open?" Hid the yarn and toy in a different, much heavier dresser drawer and closed this one properly.

Turns out no I did not leave this one slightly open. The little fiend can just Open this one.

She hasn't stopped, by the way. She's still opening the drawers, by the way. Every morning I shut the damn drawers and then I go to work and then I sit in my cuck little office chair until the cat cam goes "hey. hey. motion detected. hey. she's opening the drawers. you can watch. open the app to watch. she's opening both bottom drawers. you can do fuck all about it. you're gonna come home and your drawers are open. wage-idiot. job-cel. office-cuckold. she's opening both bottom drawers. she doesn't even care."

Lichrrally my fucking drawers

There's nothing fucking in there!!!!!!

Normal work emergencies: “They need me to come in and fix a system that broke down.”

Dropout work emergencies: “They need me to come in and throw pasta at comedians.”

I hate when people say ohhhh your pets only love you because you feed them. as if that wasn't the first form of love any of us felt. get real.

So true. Food is literally what we use to tell animals we won't hurt them. We give them food and then don't do anything to them and the animal learns you're a cool dude, and becomes open to bonding. When you bond, you Know your pet loves you. It's the primary way we get feral kittens to start trusting humans. It's no different really with people and how we come together, we bond over meals all the fucking time.

Also like. There is no higher praise than knowing an animal feels safe enough to come to you with their basic needs. That's why I like when it's cold and my cat comes to sit on my chest. She could go directly to the heater and often does when I'm at work, but does the heater cuddle back? Does it thumb rub her ears and talk to her in a voice she recognizes as contented and pleased?

it’s insane how quickly your life can just. suddenly improve. i used to be so miserable but now i own 5 swords

@cadaverkeys on it boss.

pictured is two rapiers, a fencing foil, a saber, and a rapier thats been shortened down <3

my arm hurts so much.

The five of swords. Heated competition, boastfulness, victory at any cost.

at my sketchbook. straight up “drawing it”. and by “it”, haha, well. let’s justr say. Nothing

POV youre Mickbell and this is the last thing you see before Chilchuck gets your ass

(image id in alt)

just sayin'

This should be taught in school.

I love stories that are love stories but aren’t about romantic love!!!!!!!!! even if they contain romantic love it’s not the focus!!! and love for friends and community and strangers is shown as valuable and worthwhile!!!

this is about when you specificially recognised yourself as being queer, not the crush you had on elizabeth swan as a kid and didn't understand. been thinking abt this a lot recently and wanted to ask tumblr. i can predict the results but i'm still interested. please tell me the specific age in tags!

😳 <- this emoji but without the blush or romantic connotation. im not blushing im staring you directly in your fucking eyes

if you excuse the bad editing it would look like this

can we hit 150k before this piece of shits one year anniversary

u know before yellow emojis took over as automatic, the one we used for this exactly was O_O . which has unfortunately become the shortcut for the stupid blushy one. but we also used to emphasize the emotion by making the mouth bigger, O_________O . there was also o_O , for when you're weirded out, and o_o for small weirds or intrigue. you could use a period instead of an underscore for the mouth, o.o, O.O, which was a little more like shock.

there was also -_- for when you're annoyed. -_-* for pissed. the asterisk is a forehead vein. a very bad day or very bad joke could result in -___________-********** .

anyway that's your history lesson for the day, dont forget your roots.