Universe, In Balance

Talking to my mom last night about the wedding we’re all going to in 2 weeks and she says “I don’t think I’ve ever been to a non Catholic wedding!”

And I’m like “well Rachel and Becca’s wedding wasn’t a Catholic wedding”

And she says “I guess that didn’t really register as a wedding to me”

And I’m here, ready to have a real hard conversation with my mom about homophobia and Recognizing others and as I’m having this spiral this bitch goes “cause it was outside”

So good news, my mom doesn’t give two fucks if you’re gay, straight, bi, pan, etc but get yo ass married in A HOUSE with a ROOF or it will not register with her

I guess you could say... you could say she is... erm... Home-ophobic

STOP 😂

David Tennant prevented JK Rowling appearing on Doctor Who.

Also absolutely laughable to think JK Rowling appearing would ‘top’ Kylie Minogue’s appearance.

everyone say "thank you David that could have sucked a lot"

I wish this was my job.

I mean, “Emily” is a nice enough name for a girl.

There, I just earned $1000.

She's an icon

just going to keep this as inspo for my future funeral.

i have reblogged this twice already and every single time i cry laughing

I’ve seen this post so many times and just now noticed the double ‘n’ in landlord that’s great

mutual recognition

“And remember: you’re worth the time it takes to learn a new skill!”

oh my goodness I love her she’s so wholesome

i swear to god NOTHING makes me more pissed off then when everyone is like “oouheuehghoughough ough [thing] is so good it’s a classic you’ll love it” and they say it SO OFTEN that you resolve on principle to loathe [thing] with your entire being but when you actually get around to experiencing [thing] it literally IS That Good. physically trembling with rage at the fact that hamlet actually is one of the best plays ever written. DIE

me when shakespeare plays actually DO have modern-day relevance and universal themes:

the scariest thing about old tv isnt really the racism or the sexisim because you kinda go in braced for that it's all the scenes where suddenly an actress is holding a lion cub or a chimpanzee is in the same room as a toddler, or suddenly theres a lion, or there's a chimpanzee again but it's driving a car, or holding a lighter, or holding fireworks. You just kind of watch in horror as over and over an actress performs with only 1960s tv film shootings best animal handling between her and the opening to Nope.

This is how I learn that the famous chimp my dad got my nickname from tried to kill Reagan. Fuck yeah.

RIP Bonzo we know you did your best to murder Ronald Regan for us.

The auxiliary water pump on my car broke (the plastic rotted and cracked so it was spewing coolant everywhere) and the mechanic wanted me to pay $300 for a $150 part.

I went to an auto store and bought the part for just under $150 and was gonna have the mechanic install it until I called them back and they said they don’t install customer parts.

So I figured if they won’t install customer parts, they’ll at least fix existing problems with the vehicle.

So, naturally I poorly installed the new part myself, then took it to the mechanic saying I had coolant issues and wasn’t sure what the problem was. They fixed the problem in under 20 minutes and only charged me $30 for the labor.

Ho l y

Imma try that last one

I went to my doctor’s office and asked if they had any slots open for that day.  They told me they don’t take walk-ins, you have to call ahead for an appointment.

So I pulled out my phone and called the office.  The other receptionist answered the phone and the first one literally WATCHED ME say “I’d like to make an appointment today if you have any slots available.”

He said to me (on the phone) all they had available was for 9:00, could I make it in time?

I said “Yep, I’m standing right here.”

He didn’t understand what I meant and happily put my appointment down.

I hung up and said to the original receptionist, “Hi, I have an appointment in five minutes.”

She (very angrily) entered me as arrived and gave me my forms.

That's my friend Sebastian!

He does biological research including open source instrumentation and antibiotic free selective markers!

And who's the guy he's sitting on

↳ Sokka praising Toph’s metalbending

imagine being the first amish bitch in your village to like get your body done like ass shots titties done and like beat face contoured… and then you walked into like the saloon or whatever amish people have and everyone dropped their irish fiddles and was shookedt? like everyone churning butter was just in shock and you walked across the artisanal wood floors in your wantmylook.com thigh high lace up heeled boots like your life depended on it… yes god

my mans jedediah looks away in humility but you KNOW he’s churnin butter that night……milkin a different cow…..

Why y'all doing this when you know the Amish are not here to defend themselves.

the Amish can definitely defend themselves they got rakes

this is the best post on this website why do we all keep trying

certified iconic post

I’m laughing so hard so Aldi ended a contract with this onion seller because they jacked their prices and then they printed the middle finger on all their onions to Aldi after their contract ended can you IMAGINE being this petty

My morning glory doesn’t like the wind chime

SHUT

[ID: The first is a photo of wind chimes. Morning glory vines have reached over and wrapped themselves around the wind chimes.

The second is a photo of a cat, with a hand gently holding its mouth shut. Underneath the photo is a text message, reading: "never soeak again." /End ID]